I bought myself roses today
Colored for this transitional season
The meridian between winter and spring
Watched the red robins play in quiet branches Coated in the soft white of early spring snow
Sat at my window sipping steaming coffee
Tapping into a calm that was new to me
Reveling in the luxury of peaceful stillness
And let myself smile
-gws
In honor of World Mental Health Day, I share the following guided mini-meditation.
Let’s start by having you sit with your feet flat on the ground with your back either straight or leaned comfortably against your seat.
Next, lay your hands relaxed in your lap, or you may place them against your stomach or the center of your chest if that feels more grounding for you. Now close your eyes.
Let’s start by bringing your attention to your breath. Your only task is to simply notice the air as it moves into and out of your lungs. Notice where your focus goes. Is it air moving in and out of your nostrils? The rise and fall of your chest? The expanding and contracting of your diaphragm? By connecting with our breath, we connect with our bodies and tap into our mind-body connections.
As you breathe, let your shoulders fall away from your ears. Move your tongue off the roof of your mouth, and relax your jaw. Feel tension flow from your body with every exhale.
Inhale peace. Exhale tension. Inhale peace. Exhale tension.
As you continue your gentle breathing, I want you to start visualizing you are looking in a mirror. The version of you looking back is the very best you. This could be a childhood version of you. You on a special day. It is you on any day when you have felt good in your skin. Look into your reflection with the same kindness and compassion you have for those you love most in your life. This person in the mirror deserves to be gifted that same love.
As you observe your reflection, you begin to reinforce three core beliefs in your mind:
You are worthy. You are worthy to receive and luxuriate in the same love and kindness you give freely to others. Breathe in your empowered worthiness, breathe out your dis-empowered feelings of lack as if they were so many dandelion seeds set free on the wind.
You are whole. You are not made up of fragments. You are, instead, a vibrant, faceted jewel of a human being. Breathe in your empowered completeness. Breathe out your dis-empowered feelings of brokenness as if they were so many bubbles set free in the wind.
You are enough. You must remember that you are a human being and not a human doing. You do not serve yourself or others pouring from an empty cup out of obligation. You deserve rest and replenishment from relentless expectations of others and yourself. Breathe in your empowered honoring of your limits. Breathe out your dis-empowered need to meet everyone else’s needs and release it like so much incense smoke curling away into the ether.
You are worthy.
You are whole.
You are enough.
As you continue breathing gently, noticing the air moving in and out, your reflection start to fade, as does the mirror. You feel yourself settling back in your body. You feel your feet on the floor. Your back against your chair. Continue your gentle breathing and when you’re ready, open your eyes and take with you into the world that:
You are worthy. You are whole. You are enough.
Before I enter my “Healed Woman” era
I must detour into my “Villain” era
You see…
I was cast in the villain role for so long
I might as well embrace the casting for a term
With that said…
Do not be concerned at my black wardrobe
My blood red lips
Do not pay mind to my near silent mumbling
As I light candles and cast salt about
Fret not over my narrowed, focused eyes
Rimmed in thick black liner
As I observe and calculate my options
Do not wonder about the herb-coated offerings
Laid out beneath the full moon
None of it is your concern
Cross the street
Avert your gaze
Do not trouble yourself wondering in my direction
I’m embracing my dark side
Doing my shadow work
If my shadow is meant to fall upon you
You will know
-gws
I would send you a bouquet
Of newly sharpened pencils
If it would inspire you to
Write a different ending
Draw a greener pasture
Dream in color again
-gws
I grieve you
The you I fell in love with
The you who glowed when you laughed
The you who loved me for loving your vulnerability
You are not dead
But you are gone
No hope or prayer or wishing will bring you back
I can’t help but want to see you again
Beneath the monster who wears your skin
The one who ate away the soul of you over long years
If I hear you
I know it is not you
It is an echo of you
A remnant used by the monster to try to lure me back
I’m sorry I couldn’t save you
I watched you struggle to save yourself but the monster won
Drowned you in anger, hurt, bitterness, and addiction
Consumed you from the inside out
I grieve you
I grieve my hope for you
For us
For our family
I grieve the dream turned nightmare
I grieve the loss of myself in the torrent of your disease
I loved you
I lost you
I’m sorry
-gws
I have coated my boundaries in sacred salt
Saged the walls of my mind
Served healing teas to my soul
Soaked my dreams in moon water
Calmed my spirits with lavender sachets
I have removed the “welcome” mat from my doorstep
Hung a horseshoe above my threshold
Covered my aura in layers of steel
Cut the cord with silver shears
All to reclaim myself from you
-gws
Some days
Getting out of bed
Putting on my adulting pants and
Mechanically doing what needs to be done
Is an accomplishment
-gws
How do you never wonder
Why the mirror never
Reflects your own face
-gws
Do onto others as you wish to be done onto
This is the call
Cast off the shackles of
Abuse
Neglect
Mistreatment
Harm
The scars that mar your ancestors
The scars that mar you
The greatest gift given in life
Free will
Wield it like a craftsman
Hold it like a pen and
Rewrite your story
Erase the patterns from your pages
Show your children that you
Can reshape the stars in the sky
Show them how to heal in the light of the moon
And the bright beacon of day
No future is written in stone
No fate inevitable
Let it begin here
By deciding the pain of the past
Ends here
-gws
50 minutes ticking by 50 minutes to find out why The tears will or will not come I so struggle to find the one Reason that keeps me coming back Spilling emotions when words lack 50 minutes of probing questions 50 minutes of new suggestions And strategies and considerations To uncover buried machinations The central program in my belief system Manifest in all my symptoms 50 minutes focused on me 50 minutes of talk therapy -gws
Words Wishes and Wisdom 