Healing

I have no interest in dating or lovers
I think that part of me might be dead
At least I cannot feel anything where that want should be
It is a dead zone in my chest
A hollow place
A salted field that cannot grow life

I have too much healing to do
So much work to do
I need to learn how to TRUST myself again
How to LOVE myself again
How to BE myself again

Now is the time for quiet
The time to feel complicated feelings
Listen to the whispers of a broken heart
A disillusioned spirit
The time to grieve shattered dreams
Relinquished hopes
And lost futures

When the processing is complete
The healing well advanced
The distrust subsided
We'll see where I am 
What I want
What I need
Who I am

-gws

Unfolding

I used to try to force my day to unfold according to my will.
Now, I try to allow the will of the day to unfold me.

-gws

Rivers

I have cried rivers
To cleanse my heart
Of the goods and bads of you
In those waters
I finally see my own reflection
Haloed in sunlight
Instead of your shadow

-gws

I Was You Yesterday

I was you yesterday
Broken down and broken hearted
Today, I begin my ascent with the dawn
And tomorrow, so can you

-gws

Whole Again

I’m learning how to experience joy without
my broken heart fearing that the experience will be taken from me before I can feel it fully

To feel the elation without it immediately triggering tears of mourning

It’s difficult and beautiful learning how to become whole again 

-gws

Wounded Not Broken

You are not broken
You are wounded

Broken things have damage
That can only be repaired
They are forever left weakened
And will always be at risk
Of the repair failing one day

Wounded things can heal
If you tend them gently and well
Wounds knit and the scar tissue makes them stronger
Wounds stretch and though they may ache from time to time
They will strengthen
Though forever altered
Healing makes the wound whole again

So you, too, will stretch and strengthen
You will grow stronger
The wound cannot be unmade
And its scar will be a landmark upon you
Reminding you that you survived
And you became stronger for it

Be gentle with your self judgment
You are wounded
Not at all broken
And you can and will heal
With patience, time, and tender care

-gws