I looked out from the promontory of life Across a vast hinterland The turbid quagmire miles behind me The frisson of trepidation abated for now I wish to tracklessly caper in those hinterlands Beneath a lustrous azure sky Vesuvian days released to the past Gossamer hopes eddy about me like a corolla Hopes of enduring eudaemonia No longer needing to latibulate in darkness Before me stands my Elysian dreams Filled with halcyon days And tranquil gloamings I will alight in a new and unblemished existence A ruderal redeemed Awaiting rich and fertile soil of a new life Under the radiant zenith of a new day
-gws
In more common language:
I look out from the overlook of life Across a vast unknown The confusing, unstable ground behind me The sudden fear of trepidation abated for now I wish to tracklessly revel in those unknown lands Beneath a shining blue sky Explosive, volatile days released to the past Delicate hopes whirl about me like the swirl at the heart of a flower Hopes of enduring happiness No longer needing to hide in a corner in darkness Before me stands my dreams of paradise Filled with idyllically happy and prosperous days And tranquil twilights I will land and settle in a new and unblemished existence A plant growing amongst the concrete redeemed Awaiting rich and fertile soil of a new life Under the radiant height of a new day
I have cried rivers To cleanse my heart Of the goods and bads of you In those waters I finally see my own reflection Haloed in sunlight Instead of your shadow
I have been asked If I thought I didn't deserve better If I thought I couldn't have better If I thought he was the best I could do NO I knew I deserved better I knew I was worth better I knew I could have better I was in love I believed my relationship Could become better Would become better I just had to wait and believe I clung to breadcrumbs While my soul starved I believed in a dream Long past its expiration date I held onto hope Even when the nightmares Haunted the wakeful day I had to do everything I could Until it became undeniably clear There was nothing else I could do When it was clear it was him and not me I had shown up Put the work in Tried and cried and tired again And he wouldn't meet me He couldn't accept responsibility for his part He wouldn't do the work He wanted me to keep changing Transforming Making myself less so he could be more Smaller More compliant Less of a person More of a puppet A Stepford Wife That could never please him anyway I knew that my luminescence was what drew him to me My shine was acceptable then My shine is acceptable now Just not to him I knew love shouldn't feel like this Be like this Behave like this Hurt like this Love does not bully Love does not belittle Love does not plot against the one it adores Love does not manipulate or blame Love does not destroy others to make itself feel powerful My hope became my prison An escape room I allowed to be created around me I found myself trapped in its ever shifting walls It would take time It would take opportunity It would take all the courage I had to leave To choose me And to not look back I do deserve better And reclaiming myself Is where I start to create better
Don’t let a broken heart break you Don’t let cruelty shatter your dreams A soul is a molten thing Capable of mending Reshaping Visualize the shape you wish to be And believe You are an alchemist
I want to live in a cabin between the woods and the sea I want to smell mossy earth and pine resin at daybreak Wood smoke and salt air at sunset I want to be surrounded by books and filtered sunlight Candles, blank pages, and moonlight I want to walk with hopes by day And dance with dreams by night I want to watch banana slugs explore my garden I want to hear the chorus of crashing waves Gulls crying exultantly from the sky Wind playing chase through the cypress boughs
I want to be free of the chains of expectations Free of the weight of the looming other shoe I wish not to drink from any more bitter cups Fall on any more swords Remove twisted daggers from my back I crave peace Beauty Lightness Hope Creativity Freedom I crave relationships that are mutually supportive That nurture souls That transact in honesty Respectfulness Genuineness Ease Love
The first spring rain falls from a darkened sky Washing away the heaviness from the air Bringing deliverance of spirit Offering itself as balm for my weary heart Through its steady patter beyond my open window Petrichor rising to ground me Cool and damp air greeting too hot skin I close my eyes Imagining my complete surrender to it Making an offering of all that scars me All that weighs so heavily on my shoulders I welcome this renewal This forgiveness This peace I invite this healing Surrender to this gentleness Allow this act of cleansing Readying my world to reawaken Readying me to bloom again
I’m walking between worlds Both in a nightmare And waking from one Navigating the rocky path One footfall at a time Calling on my ancestors Those women who each Did the same in their own way As I step out of darkness Into the healing light of freedom
Words Wishes and Wisdom 