Category: Trauma

Questions

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How did it feel when I was finally arrested?
Did it bring you glee to know I was handcuffed and taken away?
Were you happy your long standing desire was finally fulfilled?
Were you satisfied with yourself?
Did you celebrate?
Did you pat yourself on the back triumphantly?
Did you rejoice knowing I was forced into the company of actual criminals?
Did it make you giddy to know I experienced the humiliation of being strip searched?
Were you finally satisfied to get the mother of your children arrested?
Was it all you hoped for?

Who does that?
Who plots plans premediates such things?
Who bates and berates?
Who starts a fire and fans the flames?
Who then pretends that they didn't create the inferno?
Who has no remorse?
Who shows love like that?
Who did I marry?
How soon can I be free?

-gws

When I Met You

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When I met you
You were charming
But nowhere near perfect
You were charismatic
But endearingly flawed
You were looking for a party
But you accidentally found a home

When you met me
I was unapologetically myself
But I was naive
I was willing to take risks
But not necessarily with my heart
I was looking for experiences
But accidentally found connection

What I didn't know
Was what a damaged soul looked like
What I didn't know
Was that you were a blackhole gobbling the light

What you didn't know
Was I was a whole universe
What you didn't know
Was divine light cannot be devoured

We didn't begin as we ended
We started as a soft glow
Hopeful and carefree
I couldn't tell you when
I think the inferno began

I became the fuel that you would burn
Trying to fill your infernal yearning
The gaping emptiness inside of you
With a meaningful light
That once was me

I thought if I loved you enough 
I would somehow be enough
To sate your appetite for more
But all you were was an insatiable maw
And I a blazing star
Who's fire was never bright enough
Who's light could never warm you up
Because black holes cannot be quenched
They can only demand - MORE

So I became a comet with a star at its core
My corona full of survival and fury
Breaking free of your event horizon
I would not be devoured by your darkness

Now no light surrounds you 
You have consumed all else you had
Nothing orbits you but cold and quiet
The space around you dead

When you met me 
We had hope we could love each other well
When I left you 
Was to heal from just how far I fell
But I'm a girl with phoenix wings
And a star within my heart
I blaze a trail across the sky
As I make a fresh new start

-gws
@wordswishesandwisdom

Happy NaPoWriMo! Here’s my Day 14 poem called When I Met You #poetry #wordsmithing #poem #writer #wordswishesandwisdom #poet #poetsoftiktok #poetryTok #NaPoWriMo #NaPoWriMo2024 #poetryreading

♬ Very Sad – Enchan

Monster

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Am I now the monster you wanted me to be
The one who looks only to me
Who collected every tear I cried
Until they became a tragic sea

Upon that sea I built a boat
And struggled just to keep afloat
While you growled and raged and stormed
And locked my voice inside my throat

For years I let you make me small
Choking me with blame for all
Your vast fears and insecurities
Your own inflictions you can't recall

So let me be a monster now
And you can tell exactly how
You took a girl who loved you well
And nearly broke her spirit down

But don't forget to tell the tale
Of how that girl did so prevail
Walked away for good and true
And cut herself a brand new trail

-gws
@wordswishesandwisdom

Happy NaPoWriMo! Here’s my Day 13 poem called Monster #poetry #wordsmithing #poem #writer #wordswishesandwisdom #poet #poetsoftiktok #poetryTok #NaPoWriMo #NaPoWriMo2024 #poetryreading

♬ Ambient-style emotional piano – MoppySound

There are Days I’m Not Ok

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There are days I’m not ok
Or hours
Or minutes 
Or breaths
The doubt suffocating 
Grief a scream locked deep in my chest
I am reminded I am making the right choices 
Shown proof of it again and again 
Did you know the right things can
Sometimes feel so terribly wrong

Sometimes the fear rises
The paralyzing fear of all the ugliness 
I so desperately seek freedom from 
You never believe you’re conditioned 
To feel you deserve abuse until you are
Until your stomach drops as the energy changes
And your breathing quickens 
And you start calculating how bad their rage will be this time

Words bruise so much worse than fists
The self doubt stripping your confidence 
The gaslighting destabilizing reality despite 
Your inner voice calling out the lies in all of it
Knowing that there is no defense when you
Are forced to wear the badge of victimizer
Despite being the real victim
Because it makes them feel powerful and justified
Emotional abuse is a mind fuck of the worst degree
And some people make a career of the art of it

In this breath
This minute 
This hour
This day 
I am not ok
They say I will be someday 

-gws
@wordswishesandwisdom

Happy NaPoWriMo! Here’s my Day 10 poem called There Are Days I’m Not Ok (TW: abuse) #poetry #wordsmithing #poem #writer #wordswishesandwisdom #poet #poetsoftiktok #poetryTok #NaPoWriMo #NaPoWriMo2024 #poetryreading

♬ Ambient-style emotional piano – MoppySound

Generational Trauma

Do onto others as you wish to be done onto
This is the call
Cast off the shackles of
Abuse
Neglect
Mistreatment 
Harm
The scars that mar your ancestors 
The scars that mar you
The greatest gift given in life
Free will 
Wield it like a craftsman 
Hold it like a pen and
Rewrite your story 
Erase the patterns from your pages
Show your children that you
Can reshape the stars in the sky
Show them how to heal in the light of the moon
And the bright beacon of day
No future is written in stone 
No fate inevitable 
Let it begin here
By deciding the pain of the past 
Ends here

-gws
@wordswishesandwisdom

Happy NaPoWriMo! Here’s my Day 5 poem called Generational Trauma. #poetry #wordsmithing #poem #writer #wordswishesandwisdom #poet #poetsoftiktok #poetryTok #NaPoWriMo #NaPoWriMo2024 #poetryreading

♬ Metamorphosis – David Clavijo