I have no interest in dating or lovers I think that part of me might be dead At least I cannot feel anything where that want should be It is a dead zone in my chest A hollow place A salted field that cannot grow life
I have too much healing to do So much work to do I need to learn how to TRUST myself again How to LOVE myself again How to BE myself again
Now is the time for quiet The time to feel complicated feelings Listen to the whispers of a broken heart A disillusioned spirit The time to grieve shattered dreams Relinquished hopes And lost futures
When the processing is complete The healing well advanced The distrust subsided We'll see where I am What I want What I need Who I am
I want to live in a cabin between the woods and the sea I want to smell mossy earth and pine resin at daybreak Wood smoke and salt air at sunset I want to be surrounded by books and filtered sunlight Candles, blank pages, and moonlight I want to walk with hopes by day And dance with dreams by night I want to watch banana slugs explore my garden I want to hear the chorus of crashing waves Gulls crying exultantly from the sky Wind playing chase through the cypress boughs
I want to be free of the chains of expectations Free of the weight of the looming other shoe I wish not to drink from any more bitter cups Fall on any more swords Remove twisted daggers from my back I crave peace Beauty Lightness Hope Creativity Freedom I crave relationships that are mutually supportive That nurture souls That transact in honesty Respectfulness Genuineness Ease Love
50 minutes ticking by
50 minutes to find out why
The tears will or will not come
I so struggle to find the one
Reason that keeps me coming back
Spilling emotions when words lack
50 minutes of probing questions
50 minutes of new suggestions
And strategies and considerations
To uncover buried machinations
The central program in my belief system
Manifest in all my symptoms
50 minutes focused on me
50 minutes of talk therapy
-gws
I want a closet full of ball gowns that I wear to the grocery store
I want a shelf full of outlandish hats that I wear to walk the dog
I want a drawer full of adorable fandom socks that I wear with bedazzled sneakers
I want a collection of cloaks, coats, and sweaters handmade from mismatched scraps of fabric and yarn that create random, joyous patterns
I want to dance on curbs and twirl in open spaces
I want to speak random bits of spontaneous verse in the park
I want to compliment the charismatic child and the quietest person at the party so they know they are seen
I want to be the joyous crone who says sage things and knows that life shouldn’t be taken so seriously
I want to be unequivocally, undeniably me
-gws
Today I wake and remember
I am enough.
I strive to live honestly
And with integrity as I walk in my truth
Embracing all of my imperfections because
I am enough.
When storms rage and tempers rise
I will place a hand on my heart and
Breathe into my belly remembering
I am enough.
When I judge myself harshly
When I feel like I failed myself or others
I forgive myself and remember
I am enough.
I will end my day in gratitude for all I have experienced
All I have learned from those experiences
I will lay my head down at the end of the day
And whisper into the dark
I am enough.
-gws
Words Wishes and Wisdom 