Do you see me?
I’m here!
Over here!
Please look my way.
Right now, if you will.
I need to be seen.
Am I loud enough?
Am I bouncy enough?
Am I doing enough to draw you into me?
I need to be reminded I am important to someone.
To you.
Right now.
My inner child is screaming for recognition.
Just acknowledge me and I promise I will relax.
That feels good.
Thank you.
Wait.
How about a little more?
Wait, don’t go back to what you were doing.
I still crave your attention.
I still am desperate for validation.
I still need.
I still need.
I still need…
-gws
What do you do when you're bone-weary
When your soul is exhausted and all you want to do is cry
What do you do when you reflect on where you are
And you just can't quite understand how the hell you got there
What do you do when no choice seems like a good one
When all your efforts feel like they still end in defeat
What do you do when you feel like it's time to give up
But you're sure your gut is still saying, "just a little longer"
What do you do when you don't think you have more to give
When you don't think you have it in you to keep finding a path through
What do you do when all you know is fight
But all you want is peace
What do you do when you don't know what to do
-gws
I want a closet full of ball gowns that I wear to the grocery store
I want a shelf full of outlandish hats that I wear to walk the dog
I want a drawer full of adorable fandom socks that I wear with bedazzled sneakers
I want a collection of cloaks, coats, and sweaters handmade from mismatched scraps of fabric and yarn that create random, joyous patterns
I want to dance on curbs and twirl in open spaces
I want to speak random bits of spontaneous verse in the park
I want to compliment the charismatic child and the quietest person at the party so they know they are seen
I want to be the joyous crone who says sage things and knows that life shouldn’t be taken so seriously
I want to be unequivocally, undeniably me
-gws
I will be brave in the face of my fears
For scarier than failure is regret
I am no more guaranteed to fail than I am to succeed
It is the journey that will forge and shape my next self
And it is in knowing the result
Whatever it may be
That will allow me to travel from this life
With a smile upon my lips
And satisfaction in my heart
Because I was brave enough to try
-gws
The artist moon is calling
The one that makes the blood restless
And the mind discontent
The one that replaces sleep
With lightning storms of inspiration
The moon raises the spirit of dreams unrealized
And fantasies unlived
It whispers of wild woods and scented winds
Of primal needs and elaborate, lucid dreams
I am held captive in the moon's tides
Ebbing and flowing as I map my own constellations in its sky
And so my mind churns
My pen moves
Channeling the lightning into art
Painting the moon's energy with barely adequate words
In a desperate attempt to contain the results of its demanding influence
-gws
Yesterday I saw a friend for the first time in a long time. Although it hadn't been terribly long, a lot of life happened for both of us since I last saw them. We hugged each other fiercely, as if quenching a long neglected thirst. The power of the moment, the energy and emotion that flew across the room and into my unknowingly needful arms was surprisingly welcome. Everything stopped for a few heartbeats as we existed in the silent contentment of a deeply longed for and comforting embrace. They are kindred. Family. Precious to me in ways I have no need to explain. Being with them is like sipping sweet water for my soul. Time together is always precious and seems never long enough. I look forward to the next visit together.
-gws
Where did you go?
Are you warm?
Are you cold?
Is there weather there?
Where did you go?
Was it hard to get there?
Do you miss what you left behind?
Where did you go?
Were you scared to go?
Can you come back to visit?
Have you tried?
Do you miss me?
Where did you go
when you left me here to wonder?
Where did you go
when you escaped your failing prison on a single fragile breath?
Where did you go?
Because I want you to come back.
-gws
I am on my knees
Breathless from the radiance in my chest
My cheeks are streaked with tears of humility and appreciation
And I am humbled by the grace shown to me by those who know me
And some who don't
I never realized how hard it is to ask for help until I needed to do it
Until I put down pride, removed my gauntlets, and stepped aside
Vulnerable and scared
And let people see I needed them
And they showed up
They offered in ways I never could have imagined
With selfless generosity soaked thoroughly in their love
Concerned about my well being and success
And not returns and reciprocation
It's difficult not to feel like I need to do something
Say something
Offer something more than gratitude in return
So I come here to this blank page to release my love
To try to give voice to my gratitude in a sorely inadequate way
In an attempt to say, Thank you, to everyone
Thank you so much
-gws
I sit in the prison of your anxiety The ever-moving labyrinth of mood and emotion Worry and fear Shame and anger Afraid to disturb the shadows or sigh too deeply In case my breath causes you to erupt I fear drawing your attention by moving too quickly Like drawing the attention of immortal beings in fairy tales If I run, it will draw your ire If I sit silently, you might forget I'm here And never turn your flaming eyes in my direction I hide when you seek me I cannot heal or help I cannot hold you up Your fear and anger sharpen your tongue to a razor's edge And I have scars upon scars There is no reason in your mental prison Rational thought cannot survive there Though I love you, I cannot survive here Amongst the rage and blame and shame and fear I cannot be your comfort and your enemy I cannot continue to be torn by your dichotomy You may be fractured, but I wish to be whole When the dawn comes, I will choose me And leave the dark to you
My word for the new year is "joy"
This is not a word I feel in my bones right now
The feel of it in my mouth is foreign
I cannot swallow it because it catches in my throat
But it doesn't want to crawl back out
It wants to be consumed so it can plant itself inside of me
It wants to grow and flourish like a flowering vine
Wrapping itself around my heart and soul
And pulling me out of fear and despair
Joy wishes to drop its seeds into my darkness like a lotus
Where they can take root and bloom within my disturbance
Transforming my world from muddy hopelessness
Into vibrant newness and luminous hope
-gws
Words Wishes and Wisdom 