I am not the author of your story As much as that saddens me to admit You are the wordsmith of your tale You write yourself as the hero of your own journey Despite being so often the villain of mine But understanding how you see your world Understanding that you can be none other Than the hero of your pages Helps me gain perspective into why You write me as the arch-villain of your narrative
There is no mirror in your story You cannot see yourself And as if bespelled You see only monsters and Enemies in every shadow My pages would describe the cause As a self-afflicted curse Yours would imply the question Are villains born or made? For you would say you are The result of what others made you Be you hero or villain You are forever alone Shadowboxing every perceived threat And drawing blood from everyone Who gets too close for too long Blinded by pain and unable to See that the one causing The most pain for you is you Like a manifested destiny It becomes so
As our books sit side by side on the shelf Yours a story of never ending rage, war, and loss Mine becomes a story of surrender, retreat, and release For I am removing myself from your story It is time to make myself the hero of my own And write the closing of this chapter For I can feel the peace and love I deserve Waiting for me in the next chapters of my life I am ready to transform my story Into the self-love story I have long deserved I hope you find your happy ending I write a magic wish for that Into my final paragraph Of our chapter in my book Then turn the page to my tabula rasa Full of potential and possibilities And the freedom to write my future As rich and joyful as I can imagine it
Forty-eight orbits of the sun Forty-eight birthdays celebrated Some happy Some not This morning I turned my face To golden, gossamer sunlight Filtered through cool, blue fog I was showered in love notes Sung to and hugged by my children My pockets may be empty But my heart can't be much fuller
This is my season The season Persephone returns to the underworld To take up her night-sky crown A season where darkness rules And pomegranate seeds glisten Like ruby drops of blood Across a dark and mossy earth A season where candlelight entwines with shadow And long nights lay steeped in vivid dreaming
In this season I embrace my own darkness Unafraid of the cold and the quiet For this is where magic lives Where the mythical and mystical thrive Weaving spells amongst the silence I remember my power just like Persephone For this is a season where the resolute thrive
I submerge into my own deep waters My dark reflection staring back at me As I descend into my true self Into the rejuvenation that exists At the heart of midnight I greet each version of myself Forgiving myself for every unkindness Every neglectful moment In this stillness where I am Safe and whole inside my power For this is the season I return to self Where I remember who I am A daughter of darkness and fire
I have entered my season of truth The veil of delusion Illusion Deliberate ignorance Is being peeled away It is not an ugly truth I find below the surface But a blinding Shining truth One that offers a promise Of deliverance from a Self-imposed bondage And offers a path To a beautiful new freedom
When vibrant joy sparks bitter tears
It means that too many years
Have been spent in emotional blight
That no jubilation can put to right
Like a cloud crossing the sun
Or a dissonant chord rung
When my heart swells and glows
My nervous system knows
That this joy will lead to grieving
My chest begins its heaving
Turning smiles into frowns
As the cortisol lets down
How long has this been so
I will not pretend to know
Like a candle smothered
I unconsciously keep covered
That which makes me take up space
Before I can feel the grace
Of real joy in my blood
I dump it in the mud
I avoid the disappointment
Like a fly stuck in the ointment
I abandon my true will
When he sets on me that chill
And so I am now trained
That joy will end in pain
I know that I must mend
So the sun can shine again
-gws
He spoke to me of mechanical wings
They appeared within a broken dream
Born of fractured thoughts and roughened pieces
And so these wings become his thesis
Of chrome and shadow
His masterpiece risen
His body lay fallow
Both betrayer and prison
However he envisions that he flies
As he dreams of untethered skies
Let hope be the power to help him heal
Born of pain transformed to magic and steel
-gws
Say the thing
Make it awkward
For we never know when the final fickle Fate
Will wield her scissors and snip a thread from our tapestry
Forever severing a connection
An action that cannot be undone
"I love you."
"I miss you."
"I care about you."
"You are important to me."
"My life is better with you in it."
Whatever the thing is you feel
SAY IT
And let it go
Knowing that you have released love
In some version
Into the life of someone you care for in some way
We are fortunate to have our lives
Woven with many threads
But as gently as we are entangled together
The severing and unraveling are inevitable
Sharp and severe
We will have loss
But we do not have to have regret
Say the thing
Make it awkward
Only Clotho, Lachesis, and Atropos
See the grand weaving of our lives
How each chapter of our lives will unfold
And how and when those varied chapters will end
Within those pages we are gifted with the opportunity of choice
To give and receive love with the others in our story
Say the thing
Make it awkward
-gws
Every step I take
I'm stomping on eggshells
They cover the landscape of this relationship
Like unexploded landmines after a war
The book explained it
It explained you
It explained us
Or
More specifically
Why there is no air between us
Why there is no peace between us
Why there is little hope for us
The book
However
Didn't tell me what I could do about it
What I should do about it
The only peace it gave was that
The immobility was a real side effect
The difficulty breathing
Being
Living
Leaving
That feeling stuck was normal
It isn't a failing
But a reflection of the deeply difficult
Existence of living with
Loving
Trying to love
Being loved by
Being hated by
Being loved by
Being resented by
Being loved by
Being shamed by
Being loved by
Being eviscerated by
Being loved by
Being devastated by
A person with a personality disorder
gws
It echoed of all the things that have caused me the deepest pain,
and with nothing different or looking to be different, I think the final
piece of shattered glass crashed to earth.
-gws
Words Wishes and Wisdom 