Inside her dreaming, I see her
Hurting
Lost
Grieving
Bags beneath her eyes from haunted or missing sleep
Furrowed brows from innumerable worries
Her will shaken and unsure
I know her well for she is me
Me ensconced in endings and beginnings
Me inelegantly navigating transition

The magic of dreaming grants me this opportunity
I approach her
My hair more silvered
My face more textured
My heart glowing warm with a joy for living
That felt so unreachable then

"Hello," I say

She composes herself and silently greets me in return

"I hope you don't mind, you look like you could use a friend."

She inhales unsteadily and motions for me to sit
We look out at the passing world
Quiet for an indistinguishable amount of time

"It will not always feel this way," I say

I take her hand in mine
She does not resist

"Do you remember when your children were babies?"

She nods slowly
Eyes unfocused as she touches the memories

"Do you remember the nights that felt so long?
The marathon of survival that was three babies under three?"

She nods again with a slight smile 
Alighting at the corner of her lips as she remembers

"It felt like forever until you one day realized
You could sleep through the night.
You could establish routines.
You could start making time for yourself
In bigger and bigger doses."

She exhales
Her shoulders lowering a bit

"This journey is just like that one.
Unpredictable and exhausting.
Endless in the moment.
Overwhelming."

She looks at her hand in mine and nods
I wrap my other around our clasped hands

"This will not last forever.
You will find your way off your knees
As the weight of this slowly lifts from you.
You will relinquish your worry.
Your grief will fade to make room for joy.
You will learn to trust yourself again.
You will learn to trust others again.
Do not get too lost in your sadness.
Navigate moments of laughter and lightness
Like stepping stones amongst the mud.
Let them light up your eyes and relax your shoulders.
Let them propel you through your days
Until you are no longer keeping track of days.
Just like those early times in motherhood
You will awaken to find yourself on the other side.
Changed.
Renewed.
Rebuilt.
Ready to welcome joy and love and freedom willingly.
The fog and pain will clear as passing storms do.
This I can promise you."

She looks up into my face
Eyes searching mine as I smile and squeeze her hand
I watch as a tiny light returns to her tear-filled eyes

"How do you know?" she whispers

I pull her hand to my heart.

"Because I have seen you do it.
I have witnessed you rise from these ashes.
I know how powerful and radiant you will emerge."

As dreams do when truth is revealed
The edges of this world begin to dissolve like chalk in rain
The light of recognition begins to glow in her eyes
As I release her hand and stand
I step in amongst the other passersby of her dreamscape
My message conveyed
My job done
A voice from her future left to linger in her dreaming
Placing a north star in the sky of her darkest night

-gws