Tag: Abuse/Struggle

Seen

I spent too much time curled into myself in the dark
Screaming into nothingness
"Please SEE me!"
Staring at my own reflection
Struggling to be my own witness
Watering my seeds of worthiness
With bitter, hopeless tears
Whispering "You matter" at soulless silvered glass
While my hollow reflection stared blankly back
Unmoved

I was looking for the focus of the blind
Begging for the acknowledgment of Narcissus
Looking for shelter under a tree that offered no shade
Trapped in a circle of salt crusting my eyes
Unable to find a patch of sunlight in winter
Shackled starving sacrifice 
Ignorant I held the key in my hand
To the shackles I forged and fitted myself

When I was thoroughly cried out
Starved so long I felt sated
I chipped away the concretion obscuring my vision
To discover I was surrounded by pinpoints of light
Lanterns bobbing at the edges of my shadows
I turned the key and let the shackles fall away
Pressed my fingers to the tally marks I carved in the leafless tree
And crawled toward those hopeful orbs
As I got closer they began to coalesce
Becoming a chorus of light

From that light came strong and gentle hands
Lifting me to my feet
Embracing me 
Murmuring words of love and encouragement
Safety and serenity
Pride and comfort
They fed and watered me
Cared for me tenderly 
And reminded me how to do the same for myself
They shined their warm light upon me
They sang and celebrated me

And I was seen

gws

Slay

These poems are a journey 
That began in the light of hope and love
Then slowly meandered through increasing darkness 
They dare to expose the skeletons and demons 
Barely hidden behind my front door for too long
The narration begins in the middle 
After darkness had well fallen
And documents my struggle to breathe
My desperate journey to find myself again 

And for those who live with horrors who wear human faces
If I found my way free
I know you can too
Let these poems serve as proof 
That though it is not easy
Freedom can be won
You can take your life back 
Write the story exactly as YOU wish it to be

Sometimes the dragon burns down the world 
As long as you’re standing 
No matter how wounded
You can slay that dragon
You ARE the hero of your story
YOU get to say when the story is over
YOU get to decide how the new book starts
YOU get to do whatever the hell YOU want
Take my story and forge it into your sword of courage 
SLAY

-gws

Discomfort

Photo by Mikhail Nilov on Pexels.com
I breathe and it is not enough
I pray for help for life is tough
I tire of carrying this broken trust
I wish to just feel safe again

My skin too tight, my mind too loud
I seek to avoid the merry crowd
I am now scared when I once was proud
I wish to just feel safe again

I fell asleep so full of hope
And woke within the hangman's rope
Fear wedged deep inside my throat
I wish to just feel safe again

Trust once lost is hard to earn
Apprehension in my belly churns
Quiet rage, set low, still burns
I wish to just feel safe again

Discomfort visits everyday
A mix of feelings eating away
The world no longer morally gray
I wish to just feel safe again

-gws

Gaslighting

You refused to take responsibility 
So I accepted it instead
Until the day I found 
You in someone else’s bed

You didn’t do the right thing
You clutched your pearls and said,
“If only you had been the wife
You promised when we wed”

At first I shrank around the wound
Thinking you were right
Believing that it may be true
That I’d been a lousy wife

I thought of all the arguments 
That were constant in our life
The years of ugly, cutting blame
The insistence you were right

But then the rage came rushing in
You would gaslight me no more
I said that you were full of shit
And kicked you out the door

I realized I had done my part
In holding up my vow
It was you who failed on every front
I’d not be blamed right now

You made choices on your own
Now I have made some too
So hit the road, you selfish prick
Gaslighting days are through 

-gws