Category: Being Human

Your Couch

I stabbed the fuck out of your couch
‘Cause I was tired of your mouth 
It was always telling lies
All backtracking and denials

I drank up a fifth instead
To drown the demons in my head
First I screamed and then I cried
At how you betrayed your bride

I stabbed the fuck out of your couch
‘Cause I was tired of your mouth 
It was always telling lies
All backtracking and denials

Oh yeah, my rage was quite obscene 
No tears could ease the wicked sting
Its brown leather old and scarred
The choice wasn’t all that hard 

I stabbed the fuck out of your couch
‘Cause I was tired of your mouth 
It was always telling lies
All backtracking and denials

So I plunged the blade right in
Then I repeated it again 
Better the couch than it was you
It was the worst that I could do 

I stabbed the fuck out of your couch
‘Cause I was tired of your mouth 
It was always telling lies
I’m out the door now, no goodbye

-gws

Conflagration

I ignite

The brush of your lips upon my neck
The reverberating purr rumbling deep in your chest as you press against me

The grip of your fingers tangling in my hair
Each sensation its own spectacular pyrotechnic show within me

The heat of your breath on my throat
The tension in your arms as you pull me into you
As if any room between us is too much

My lips swell from our eager, crushing kissing
Goosebumps pebble every inch of my too-hot skin
Sparked into existence by your exploring fingertips

My hands gripping your arms
Your hair
Your back
Your hips

My nails sometimes teasing 
Sometimes scratching as I surrender to this tempest of desire

Sighs and moans
Gasps and groans
Hunger and need 
Primal and demanding our surrender to it and each other

I have no desire to resist
Neither do you seem to

We are wonder and fire
Surrendering to this conflagration 
As we quest to find in this consuming bliss
The evocation of when our essence
blazed as brightly as stars

-gws

Strange Bedfellows

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com
Joy and grief have made strange bedfellows in me
As my smile breaks so does my heart
I do not know when their synchronicity began
I do know I wish their relationship would end
Allowing me my lightness
Not pulled down by pain

This emotional eclipse as regular as heartbeats
A quiet walk in cool, cathedral woods
Interrupted by the unexpected sharp snap of a branch underfoot
Sending a flurry of birds screaming into the sky
Like storming clouds suddenly covering the sun on a perfect day

Of course joy needs pain so that they can tell themselves apart
Trauma and struggle have conjoined them in me
No scalpel skilled enough to detach them into their unique parts...
Or at least not yet

Behind each smile lies is a threatening tear
Every laugh has a sob waiting in the wings
I will chaperone this opposing pair
Let them fill me as they will
Sweet nectar and bitter pill
At least I'm blessed enough to feel

-gws

Home

Photo by R. Scott
If you were to ask me to describe “home”
I would tell you:

Home is big, cotton candy banks of white fog in the late afternoon rolling over the northern Santa Cruz Mountains like an ethereal sea crashing silently down into Crystal Springs Reservoir then running like a river down Highway 92 until it meets San Francisco Bay
Or 
Cascading over the central Santa Cruz Mountains gliding over Palo Alto to meet up with San Francisco Bay
Or
Flowing over the southern Santa Cruz Mountains getting caught in the pines like ephemeral fabric woven of spider silk before blanketing the Valley of Heart’s Delight beneath its majesty

Home is the sound of the miniature train in Central Park clacking steadfastly along its track to the delight of small children
Or
The sound of a CalTrain whistle as it approaches Hillsdale Station
Or
The puff and squeal of the air brakes of a SamTrans bus pulling up to a curb full of chittering teenagers leaving Hillsdale Mall

Home is the tea-colored, glowing hills full of gossamer, golden-hour light on the northward drive through Los Altos and Palo Alto on Highway 280 in the autumn
Or
Being greeted by The Cats standing guard overlooking the winding, redwood-lined drive on Highway 17 to Santa Cruz
Or
The moment when the Pacific Ocean becomes visible while driving Highway 92 to Half Moon Bay knowing any minute Pastorino Farm’s pumpkins patch will appear

Home is the gazebo sitting over the lagoon at Leo J Ryan Park while kids run up an down the cement and grass risers while watching the windsurfers on the water
Or
Walking or ridding along the levee bike path surrounding Foster City, under the San Mateo Bridge and its fisherman until you arrive at Coyote Point 
Or
Remembering which way to curb your wheels while visiting friends who live on or near the insanely steep hill that is Alameda De Las Pulgas

Home is the book of memories stamped upon landmarks, imperfections and inconveniences forgotten due to time or will and held in reverence in the heart forever
My home has no walls, only the beauty of time and familiar places

-gws

Remember How It Was Before

Remember how it was before
When I confidently walked through my life 
Believing in a future full of infinite possibilities
Idealistic and self-possessed
Inspired and free to manifest the life I desired
Never apologizing for the joyousness of my nature
Never apologizing for my independence and adventurousness
Never apologizing

Such a contrast with who I would embody for too long
Cowed and questing to find the right key
That would unlock your love for the me I was before
The me that I thought you cherished
The me that was once upon a time enough
I remember how it was before
I am on a journey back to myself
The version of me that resembles the echos of my unscarred self
Together we will offer an apology to the me that was before
A reclamation of what I thought was lost
And I will be a wonder again

-gws

Dueling

Asking for help often feels like failure
Like challenging my shame to a duel
Dueling with my shame is graceless and ugly
Inflicting a million tiny self-judging cuts  
To my compromised self-esteem

I try to grab onto the radiating love
When the call for help is answered
Letting that love eclipse my shame
Transmute that shame with humble gratitude
Into worthiness
I know those who offer their support
Do so selflessly because to them I am worthy
Even when I don’t feel so 

 -gws