Save a cup of kindness for yourself
No one is more deserving of your love than you
-gws
Cup of Kindness
Category: Journey of Self
You Deserve to Shine
Be the brightest star
In your own sky
You deserve to shine
-gws
When I Met You
When I met you
You were charming
But nowhere near perfect
You were charismatic
But endearingly flawed
You were looking for a party
But you accidentally found a home
When you met me
I was unapologetically myself
But I was naive
I was willing to take risks
But not necessarily with my heart
I was looking for experiences
But accidentally found connection
What I didn't know
Was what a damaged soul looked like
What I didn't know
Was that you were a blackhole gobbling the light
What you didn't know
Was I was a whole universe
What you didn't know
Was divine light cannot be devoured
We didn't begin as we ended
We started as a soft glow
Hopeful and carefree
I couldn't tell you when
I think the inferno began
I became the fuel that you would burn
Trying to fill your infernal yearning
The gaping emptiness inside of you
With a meaningful light
That once was me
I thought if I loved you enough
I would somehow be enough
To sate your appetite for more
But all you were was an insatiable maw
And I a blazing star
Who's fire was never bright enough
Who's light could never warm you up
Because black holes cannot be quenched
They can only demand - MORE
So I became a comet with a star at its core
My corona full of survival and fury
Breaking free of your event horizon
I would not be devoured by your darkness
Now no light surrounds you
You have consumed all else you had
Nothing orbits you but cold and quiet
The space around you dead
When you met me
We had hope we could love each other well
When I left you
Was to heal from just how far I fell
But I'm a girl with phoenix wings
And a star within my heart
I blaze a trail across the sky
As I make a fresh new start
-gws
You Are an Alchemist
Don’t let a broken heart break you
Don’t let cruelty shatter your dreams
A soul is a molten thing
Capable of mending
Reshaping
Visualize the shape you wish to be
And believe
You are an alchemist
-gws
Monster
Am I now the monster you wanted me to be
The one who looks only to me
Who collected every tear I cried
Until they became a tragic sea
Upon that sea I built a boat
And struggled just to keep afloat
While you growled and raged and stormed
And locked my voice inside my throat
For years I let you make me small
Choking me with blame for all
Your vast fears and insecurities
Your own inflictions you can't recall
So let me be a monster now
And you can tell exactly how
You took a girl who loved you well
And nearly broke her spirit down
But don't forget to tell the tale
Of how that girl did so prevail
Walked away for good and true
And cut herself a brand new trail
-gws
Whole Again
I’m learning how to experience joy without
my broken heart fearing that the experience will be taken from me before I can feel it fully
To feel the elation without it immediately triggering tears of mourning
It’s difficult and beautiful learning how to become whole again
-gws
Strong Alone
I read, “and in the end, all I learned was how to be strong alone.”
I disagree.
In the end, I have learned that living a kind and authentic life earns you connections with good people with big hearts who are willing to catch and hold you when you fall.
Strength cannot exist without vulnerability. You only have to be alone if you choose to shut the world out.
Be willing to be vulnerable.
Be willing to ask for help.
Be more willing to receive help.
Build a loving village.
You don’t have to be alone to be strong.
Being alone is a choice, not a consequence.
-gws
Ritual of Returning and Release
I sit in my silver armor upon my golden throne
Light streams in through my temple's high windows
Painting the floor below my dais in deep lavender beams
The temple is quiet and familiar and mine
The doors to the chamber open and he enters
Shadows trailing from his shoulders
Like a cloak woven from smoke
He strides forward
Until he is stopped by the barrier of lavender light
We lock eyes with each other
He kneels upon the stones
A gesture of only minor supplication
For his eyes never leave mine
I close my eyes and breathe
I feel the gauntlets release from my wrists
The greaves from my legs
The chest plate and chain mail
The weight of them suddenly gone
I open my eyes and watch as the armor becomes dark smoke
Passing through the boundary
Returning to him
I do not need protection any longer
The silver collar releases from my throat
Then the silver circlet from my brow
And last the silver band upon my finger
The weight of him removed from me
Cleansed and returned to his keeping
My eyes return to his
Now he breathes deeply and black smoke flows from him
As it passes through the lavender boundary
The smoke becomes like liquid gold
A delicate gold filigree pendent alights above my heart
Glowing with a quietly fierce fire
I can feel a gentle thrum as it syncs with my pulse
Upon my head appears a grand and golden fiery crown
Radiating strength and power
Pulsing with each breath
Now restored, these symbols of my power blaze to life
Burning away every shadow in the temple
Returning the quiet fire to my eyes
His shadows retreat as does his gaze
He bows his head once
This ritual of returning and release ended
I watch as he rises, turns, and retreats
He disappears back through the temple's doors
They close silently behind him
Tethered together no longer
I sit in my power
Whole again and free
-gws
There are Days I’m Not Ok
There are days I’m not ok
Or hours
Or minutes
Or breaths
The doubt suffocating
Grief a scream locked deep in my chest
I am reminded I am making the right choices
Shown proof of it again and again
Did you know the right things can
Sometimes feel so terribly wrong
Sometimes the fear rises
The paralyzing fear of all the ugliness
I so desperately seek freedom from
You never believe you’re conditioned
To feel you deserve abuse until you are
Until your stomach drops as the energy changes
And your breathing quickens
And you start calculating how bad their rage will be this time
Words bruise so much worse than fists
The self doubt stripping your confidence
The gaslighting destabilizing reality despite
Your inner voice calling out the lies in all of it
Knowing that there is no defense when you
Are forced to wear the badge of victimizer
Despite being the real victim
Because it makes them feel powerful and justified
Emotional abuse is a mind fuck of the worst degree
And some people make a career of the art of it
In this breath
This minute
This hour
This day
I am not ok
They say I will be someday
-gws
A Girl was Friends with God
There was a girl who was friends with God
The girl was told God was a man in white robes
But her God was a woman in a soft blue dress
Who let the girl sleep protected in her arms
Just the same as she held her own son
-gws
Words Wishes and Wisdom 