When Love Returns to Darken Your Doorstep

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Oh it's you
I knew you might find me again one day
Minding my business
Unaware and defenseless
I knew you might show up on my doorstep
Inviting the resurrection of my long disused heart
I thought we had an agreement
An understanding, perhaps
You see, I have no desire to let you settle here again
The soil in which I am planted is not good for your roots
You salted it well long ago
Do you really not remember because I still do
And yet here you are
Bags in hand asking if you can stay a while
Looking at me with familiar enticement
Dressed up in pheromones and endorphins
With all the charisma of a red carpet return
I have not forgotten how fickle you are
How you overstayed your welcome
How you left me heartbroken
I don't trust you
You're too good at feeling good
I forget too easily how you are besties with misery
Stop looking at me with eyes that want to know me
Stop looking at me with eyes that want
Stop attempting to pull me into your gravity
I do not trust I can break free again
I don't want to have to break free again
Don't you understand you are not safe for me
Don't you understand I need to feel safe
I do not trust myself in your presence
I am scared, you see
You see, I am scarred
So very scared
So very scarred
The last time I let you stay
Nearly dismantled me
So no
Do not leave one speck of dirt on my doormat
I beg you to to forget where I live
I do not want your false promises
I do not want you to be seen by you
Your attention has cost me too much
And I'm still in debt for it

-gws

How Do You Manage Alone

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I am the fourth daughter to do it alone
Independence and survival are in my DNA
Only child to a single mother
Only granddaughter amongst the cousins
Only kid on my block
I have lived in comfortable aloneness most of my life
Do not believe I do not get lonely
I know how to remedy loneliness
Trusted family
Tribe
Are always a keystroke or "hello" away

I'd prefer to have a partner
To help me raise and support my children
But not at the cost of my independence
My independence is foundational in my peace
If I cannot retain my independent spirit
I cannot sustain my sense of self
I need a partner who walks alongside me
Who understands that I need to run in my wildness
Who does not try to domesticate me
Into something less than myself

Aloneness is not absence or lack
It is the space where I meet myself
It is the door to my Narnia
The place where unfettered dreams thrive
Where words waltz in ballgowns and tails
Where stories bloom from rich soil
Where I sit in conversation with discomfort
Where I sit in conversation with my gods
It is the garden of my delights
And it is as precious to me as air

How do I manage alone you ask
I understand that I'm never really alone
I'm as alone as I choose to be
I'm helped as much as I choose to ask for it
It is not as perfect or simple as these stanzas may imply
But the essence of my truth is here
Simplified
Distilled into a comprehensible version
Of my vast and complex reality
A demonstration of shifting perspective
Being alone carries so much oppressive connotation
I choose to experience it as a necessary liberation
Allowing me to navigate life by my own north star
Inspiring me to never lose sight of myself again

-gws

I Am No Poet

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I am no poet
I am an observer
A curious wallflower
Peering into the places most do not dare
The voyeur blending in and watching
Keenly aware of the scene and vibe

I am no poet
I am a witness
A lyrical historian
Peeling back the layers of what is obvious
Making note and taking measure
Commenting on the beauty and the bruise

I am no poet
I am a documentarian
A mental photographer
Describing the visage of the soul
Capturing the form of feeling
Casting light on dreams

I am no poet
I am an illustrator
A linguistic artist
Scratching lines on paper
Forming images from curves of ink
Building portraits from words

I am no poet
I am a woman
A single breathe in the wind
Performing no obvious magic
Sharing the same life experience
Human and divine

-gws

Cartwheels

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I want to revisit the joy of cartwheels in summer grass
Serenaded by the wing beats of bees and the chorus of hummingbirds and sparrows
I want to drowse amongst dandelions while playing
Warshak games with passing clouds in azure skies
I want to hide beneath curtains of willow branches
Making friends of the trees with whispered secrets

I want to run time backward
To when summer days were never ending
And daydreams frolicked in the warmth of long lazy unburdened afternoons
I want to sit suspended in the amber of youthful memory
Its glowing lens casting every scene in warm nostalgic hues
Golden hour light cast upon fading Kodachrome images
That compose dust mote-filled summer slideshows of my heart

-gws

I Loved Myself Plenty

I loved myself plenty
I spent so much energy on him
there was none left for me
But the echos of my knowing
The spark that was always the heart of who I am
Could not be extinguished
No matter how hard he tried
And he raged against
My defiance to submission and subjugation
And when I could endure no more
I was done
I breathed my flame back to life
And I am once again its keeper
Ensuring it is fed and protected in any storm
I will not be dimmed or diminished again