Category: Journey of Self

Thousand Cuts

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I don't get to run from pain
It finds me
It circles like a wolf pack around wounded prey
I drop to my knees
Paralyzed and desperate for breath
Silent screams dying on my swollen lips
Tear tracks on my cheeks like tattoos
There's not enough rage to power a comeback
I've always gotten back up
But when is enough fight enough
When do I get to catch a break
Death by a thousand cuts is agony
Maybe I just need to lay face down in the mud
And let it drown me
I'm too tired to take another hit
-gws

If

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If wishes were grains of sand
I'd own beach front property

If hopes were shooting stars
Every night would be the Perseids

If dreams were glitter
I'd be a drag queen on a Saturday night

If fairy tales were real
True love's kiss would have delivered me from my waking trials

But I do not live at the beach
Or sleep below a light-streaked sky

I do not glitter on a stage
And there is no magical happy ever after

I, instead, walk moment to moment
Doing my best to keep my feet

I rub weariness from my eyes
And sadness from my heart

And despite myself, I continue to wish and hope and dream
Because my dreamer's heart is more stubborn than my jaded mind

-gws

Where I End

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Where I end is not where you begin
It's where the space between us lives
The space where we both can stretch and breathe as individuals
It's the space where my dreams manifest
The space where my thoughts untangle
The space where my mind gives birth to the words manifested as my heart beats
This is a sacred space for me
My moat
My wall
My well worn path in front of my garden gate

Where I end is not where you begin
It is the absence which makes the heart grow fonder
The place where longing pushes up blooms of desire
It is the ocean between our continents with endless depths to explore and mysteries to discover
It is the chapter break between each new story we write
It is the fence that protects us from each others' demons
It is the tower spire where we can see each others' kingdoms
It is the bridge over the pond whose shores we share

Where I end is not where you begin
It is the picnic blanket we sit on beneath oak branches on an early autumn day
The breeze dancing between words read aloud under an azure sky to a soundtrack of busy bees
It is the place where we stand eye to eye
It is the place my voice crosses to reach your ears and yours crosses to reach mine
It is the space where the music plays that we dance to
It is a precious space that hosts the alchemy which manifests where our boundaries touch
It is the breath
The heartbeat
The sigh
The birthplace of connection

The space where I end is not where you being
It is the holy place held by two individuals to nourish one partnership
If it is smothered, it's bounty cannot grow
And the relationship will whither and die from lack of air and light
Hold the space
Honor the space
Tend your boarders and I will tend mine
And we might just produce something prismatic and beautiful
In the space between you and me

-gws

Where I Need to Be

I am right where I need to be, doing exactly what I need to be doing in the time that needs to be taken.  The future doesn't stress or worry me.  The next, right step does, so I will take my time, and place my feet carefully.  I will make decisions studiously.  I will trust myself and my Higher Power to push me toward  the things that need to be done in the necessary time.

-gws