Please forgive my silence
It is not easy to converse
When I don't have much to say
Not for want of company
But for lack of breath to speak
I have been gasping lately
In pain
In tears
In prayer
Gasping for air in a chest too tight
On days when getting up takes
All my might
All my fight
Please forgive my silence
My burdens are so much to bare
I hold myself too tightly wound
For fear of shaking into pieces
And if I set my voice free
I worry what will become of me
-gws
I don’t know what the New Year will bring
But I promise to wake everyday
Loving myself more,
To honor my own needs, and
To breathe life into the magic of my deepest dreams.
It is time for me to live an intentional life.
-gws
I am not the author of your story
As much as that saddens me to admit
You are the wordsmith of your tale
You write yourself as the hero of your own journey
Despite being so often the villain of mine
But understanding how you see your world
Understanding that you can be none other
Than the hero of your pages
Helps me gain perspective into why
You write me as the arch-villain of your narrative
There is no mirror in your story
You cannot see yourself
And as if bespelled
You see only monsters and
Enemies in every shadow
My pages would describe the cause
As a self-afflicted curse
Yours would imply the question
Are villains born or made?
For you would say you are
The result of what others made you
Be you hero or villain
You are forever alone
Shadowboxing every perceived threat
And drawing blood from everyone
Who gets too close for too long
Blinded by pain and unable to
See that the one causing
The most pain for you is you
Like a manifested destiny
It becomes so
As our books sit side by side on the shelf
Yours a story of never ending rage, war, and loss
Mine becomes a story of surrender, retreat, and release
For I am removing myself from your story
It is time to make myself the hero of my own
And write the closing of this chapter
For I can feel the peace and love I deserve
Waiting for me in the next chapters of my life
I am ready to transform my story
Into the self-love story I have long deserved
I hope you find your happy ending
I write a magic wish for that
Into my final paragraph
Of our chapter in my book
Then turn the page to my tabula rasa
Full of potential and possibilities
And the freedom to write my future
As rich and joyful as I can imagine it
-gws
I arrived in this world
A shooting star
Trailing dreams
And magic in my wake
-gws
Forty-eight orbits of the sun
Forty-eight birthdays celebrated
Some happy
Some not
This morning I turned my face
To golden, gossamer sunlight
Filtered through cool, blue fog
I was showered in love notes
Sung to and hugged by my children
My pockets may be empty
But my heart can't be much fuller
-gws
This is my season
The season Persephone returns to the underworld
To take up her night-sky crown
A season where darkness rules
And pomegranate seeds glisten
Like ruby drops of blood
Across a dark and mossy earth
A season where candlelight entwines with shadow
And long nights lay steeped in vivid dreaming
In this season I embrace my own darkness
Unafraid of the cold and the quiet
For this is where magic lives
Where the mythical and mystical thrive
Weaving spells amongst the silence
I remember my power just like Persephone
For this is a season where the resolute thrive
I submerge into my own deep waters
My dark reflection staring back at me
As I descend into my true self
Into the rejuvenation that exists
At the heart of midnight
I greet each version of myself
Forgiving myself for every unkindness
Every neglectful moment
In this stillness where I am
Safe and whole inside my power
For this is the season I return to self
Where I remember who I am
A daughter of darkness and fire
-gws
I have entered my season of truth
The veil of delusion
Illusion
Deliberate ignorance
Is being peeled away
It is not an ugly truth
I find below the surface
But a blinding
Shining truth
One that offers a promise
Of deliverance from a
Self-imposed bondage
And offers a path
To a beautiful new freedom
-gws
When vibrant joy sparks bitter tears It means that too many years Have been spent in emotional blight That no jubilation can put to right Like a cloud crossing the sun Or a dissonant chord rung When my heart swells and glows My nervous system knows That this joy will lead to grieving My chest begins its heaving Turning smiles into frowns As the cortisol lets down How long has this been so I will not pretend to know Like a candle smothered I unconsciously keep covered That which makes me take up space Before I can feel the grace Of real joy in my blood I dump it in the mud I avoid the disappointment Like a fly stuck in the ointment I abandon my true will When he sets on me that chill And so I am now trained That joy will end in pain I know that I must mend So the sun can shine again -gws
50 minutes ticking by 50 minutes to find out why The tears will or will not come I so struggle to find the one Reason that keeps me coming back Spilling emotions when words lack 50 minutes of probing questions 50 minutes of new suggestions And strategies and considerations To uncover buried machinations The central program in my belief system Manifest in all my symptoms 50 minutes focused on me 50 minutes of talk therapy -gws
It echoed of all the things that have caused me the deepest pain, and with nothing different or looking to be different, I think the final piece of shattered glass crashed to earth. -gws
