Burn

I sat in the flames as it all burned down
Trying to douse it with tears
But now I see things for what they are
And I step back to watch it burn

-gws

Offline

I regret to inform you
That the reality you subscribe to
Is currently offline 
As reality has no power switch 
There is no way to reset the system
Please accept my apologies 
For the extreme inconvenience
Such is the risk of sentient life
I never promised you life would be easy

-gws

Blanket Fort

Photo by Tima Miroshnichenko on Pexels.com

I loved blanket forts as a child
I would live in a blanket fort 
For as long as I could get away with it
Inside was my temple
Soft, dark, warm and safe
Outside was an adventure
Sometimes the real world
More often, though, anything else 
Other worlds filled with
Villains and friends
Hazards and wonders
Mischief and magic
Infinite possibilities 
Stood beyond my blanket walls
My plush sanctuary
Existing in two places at once
A world within the world
Transporting away from and rooting me to
Home

-gws

Notes to Self

In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity
Trust yourself
In the midst of chaos, find your calm
Embrace the unknown
Everyday is a second chance
Keep going 

-gws

Patience

Patience is hard
Growing 
Becoming
Evolving
All require patience
In a world where instant gratification
Rewards us at the tap of a button
Practicing patience can feel like torture

Patience demands of us 
To stay tethered to this moment
Preventing any full escape into distraction
Being present is trying
It feels hard
Abrasive
Affronting
We are uncomfortable
Patience requires us to 
Embrace the discomfort
That often comes from 
Being wholly present

Patience presents the opportunity 
To practice experiencing the now
To practice being curious
About our being
About our feelings
So that we may learn
To know ourselves better
So that we may learn to be 
More comfortable
In our own skin
In our own spirit
In our own life

-gws

Unintended Consequences

I tried to love you
In spite of yourself
I couldn’t know
That I’d forget
To love me
In the process

-gws

Menopause

Photo by RDNE Stock project on Pexels.com

What is this nightmare?
Acne
Joint pain
Mood swings
Hot flashes
Night sweats
Insomnia
It's a good thing that men do not experience
The joys of menopause
I'm pretty sure that we would have
Destroyed ourselves long ago if they did
Because this experience is madness
It's like the upgrade to puberty no one wanted
I HAVE SO MUCH RAGE
This has to be the reason women stop 
Putting up with intolerable things during midlife
Because I'm ready to take a machete to all of the bullshit
I have zero patience for anything
When my hormones tumble out of wack
All stupidity enrages me
And so many things are branded with
A blinking neon sign that reads
STUPIDEST THING EVER
DO NOT TOLERATE
Now don't get it twisted, gentle listeners
There are no excuses planted here
Do not dismiss my disgruntled reactions
As merely hormonal storm surges
These hormones are the reason I can see
The bullshit so clearly
They are the reason I will not abide the bullshit
One second longer

As I once let go of the Maiden's mantel to take up the Mother's mantel
I now start letting go of my Mother's mantel
To assume the mantel of the Crone
Her knowing look
Her sharp witted smirk
She has seen it and rejected it all
She understands that societal norms
The expectations that sit like weights
Upon her back are not hers to carry
She understands that she is a force
She stops caring what others think of her
And starts caring about what she thinks of herself
I feel these changes calling to my core
Calling the taproot of my soul to descend
Into the tides ruled by my will and Grace's wisdom
Tides that my ancestors waded in
And tapped into before me
The wise women
The grandmothers
The healers and midwives
The matriarchs
I am about to inherit their legacy

But first
I must walk this gauntlet called menopause
This thrill ride is only just beginning
And I already want off
If you meet me and see a feral glint in my eye
Or sweat on my brow
Know it's best to just walk on by
My grasp on my self-control
Is not a secure one
I run on resentments and judgment
Not tightly moored to my higher self
This base self more worldly
Guiding me through this transition
Steeped in ragged ugly truth
So that when I emerge
My crown of silver
Is earned

-gws

Dear Woman in the Mirror

Photo by Elizaveta Dushechkina on Pexels.com

Dear woman in the mirror
How are you today?
Did you sleep well?
I’d like to ask you to be my Valentine?
My Gal-entine?
My number one relationship
Will you dream with me of our happiness?
Will you help me manifest our joy?
I promise to shower you in compliments
To speak softly and gently to you
I will hold your wellbeing above all things
I know I haven’t always been your cheerleader
I have often been your worst critic
And I’m sorry for that
I’m learning how to treat you better
I’m learning how to better support you
To do more than acknowledge you have needs
I wish to meet those needs
I wish to show you the deepest kindness
I wish to reflect your incomparable worthiness
Because you are always worthy
No matter what others say or do to prove otherwise

Would you like a cup of tea?
How about a blanket and a good book?
Do you need a moment in the sun,
Or perhaps a nap buried beneath mounds of blankets?

You and me are the OG
We’ve got to take care of each other
Because no matter who comes and goes
We will always have each other
We’ve endured a lot together
I know you are so tired
I promise you that we will learn to move
From surviving to thriving
You and I

Let’s start today, my Valentine
By promising to say these three words 
Every time we see each other

I love you
I love you
I love you

(I love me)
(I love me)
(I love me)

-gws

Thousand

I've told you a thousand times I hate your demands of my body
You've shown me a thousand and one times you don't give a shit 
I've swallowed a thousand silent screams of frustration
I've cried a thousand silent tears of rage
I've counted a thousand agonizing seconds waiting 
For the understanding to etch across your face
That OUR relationship is more than just YOUR needs
But it never manifests
A thousand and one times this exchange plays out
Like ghosts caught in the temporal fly paper of their last moments
I can't even pretend I'm okay anymore
I will not arrange my face into a mask of acceptance
I will, instead, blank my face and retreat into my mind
Counting a thousand heartbeats enduring the unwanted attention
Disguised as affection that is really an affliction upon my person
One would think that a girl who looks like me should be grateful
That a boy who looks like you is so obsessed with a body like mine
I will admit that some part of me is flattered
That my thousand fat cells bear your label: SEXY
But when the package is more valued than the contents
It feels like a thousand Christmases where the kids 
Like the boxes better than the presents I agonized over choosing
I have identified a thousand random shapes in the ceiling paint
I have taken a thousand calming breaths
While screaming a thousand times in my mind 
STOP TOUCHING ME
It is a thousand moments of madness
When I want a thousand and one moments
Seeking my enthusiastic consent
Instead I endure a thousand days
Until the thousand is down to one

-gws

No Longer Invested

I am no longer invested
In getting you to love me
The way that I need to be loved

I am no longer invested 
In your opinions of me

I am no longer invested 
In trying to meet you in the middle

I am no longer invested
In twisting myself into broken shapes to please you
When my only reward is pain

I am no longer invested
Because I have divested you
Of your access to my serenity

-gws