I want to live in a cabin between the woods and the sea I want to smell mossy earth and pine resin at daybreak Wood smoke and salt air at sunset I want to be surrounded by books and filtered sunlight Candles, blank pages, and moonlight I want to walk with hopes by day And dance with dreams by night I want to watch banana slugs explore my garden I want to hear the chorus of crashing waves Gulls crying exultantly from the sky Wind playing chase through the cypress boughs
I want to be free of the chains of expectations Free of the weight of the looming other shoe I wish not to drink from any more bitter cups Fall on any more swords Remove twisted daggers from my back I crave peace Beauty Lightness Hope Creativity Freedom I crave relationships that are mutually supportive That nurture souls That transact in honesty Respectfulness Genuineness Ease Love
The Universe intervened In our amber-trapped lives Cleaving us asunder Now that your umbra is clearing I begin to see the Universe has Gifted me infinite sunrises Bursting with innumerable possibilities After half my life with you Standing you up Holding you up I find myself suddenly free Of the responsibility of you I delight in the joy of doing anything Without your judgment I relax remembering that there are no Relentless expectations to navigate I revel in a full night's uninterrupted sleep I relinquish more and more tension from my body As each day passes without you A single divine gift containing All the possibilities I can dream of I will not get over you in a day You have left me a moonscape Desolate and damaged I will redeem and reclaim myself Both shadow and light Ever shifting and changing Just like the magnificent moon
What is this nightmare? Acne Joint pain Mood swings Hot flashes Night sweats Insomnia It's a good thing that men do not experience The joys of menopause I'm pretty sure that we would have Destroyed ourselves long ago if they did Because this experience is madness It's like the upgrade to puberty no one wanted I HAVE SO MUCH RAGE This has to be the reason women stop Putting up with intolerable things during midlife Because I'm ready to take a machete to all of the bullshit I have zero patience for anything When my hormones tumble out of wack All stupidity enrages me And so many things are branded with A blinking neon sign that reads STUPIDEST THING EVER DO NOT TOLERATE Now don't get it twisted, gentle listeners There are no excuses planted here Do not dismiss my disgruntled reactions As merely hormonal storm surges These hormones are the reason I can see The bullshit so clearly They are the reason I will not abide the bullshit One second longer
As I once let go of the Maiden's mantel to take up the Mother's mantel I now start letting go of my Mother's mantel To assume the mantel of the Crone Her knowing look Her sharp witted smirk She has seen it and rejected it all She understands that societal norms The expectations that sit like weights Upon her back are not hers to carry She understands that she is a force She stops caring what others think of her And starts caring about what she thinks of herself I feel these changes calling to my core Calling the taproot of my soul to descend Into the tides ruled by my will and Grace's wisdom Tides that my ancestors waded in And tapped into before me The wise women The grandmothers The healers and midwives The matriarchs I am about to inherit their legacy
But first I must walk this gauntlet called menopause This thrill ride is only just beginning And I already want off If you meet me and see a feral glint in my eye Or sweat on my brow Know it's best to just walk on by My grasp on my self-control Is not a secure one I run on resentments and judgment Not tightly moored to my higher self This base self more worldly Guiding me through this transition Steeped in ragged ugly truth So that when I emerge My crown of silver Is earned
Dear woman in the mirror How are you today? Did you sleep well? I’d like to ask you to be my Valentine? My Gal-entine? My number one relationship Will you dream with me of our happiness? Will you help me manifest our joy? I promise to shower you in compliments To speak softly and gently to you I will hold your wellbeing above all things I know I haven’t always been your cheerleader I have often been your worst critic And I’m sorry for that I’m learning how to treat you better I’m learning how to better support you To do more than acknowledge you have needs I wish to meet those needs I wish to show you the deepest kindness I wish to reflect your incomparable worthiness Because you are always worthy No matter what others say or do to prove otherwise
Would you like a cup of tea? How about a blanket and a good book? Do you need a moment in the sun, Or perhaps a nap buried beneath mounds of blankets?
You and me are the OG We’ve got to take care of each other Because no matter who comes and goes We will always have each other We’ve endured a lot together I know you are so tired I promise you that we will learn to move From surviving to thriving You and I
Let’s start today, my Valentine By promising to say these three words Every time we see each other
Forty-eight orbits of the sun Forty-eight birthdays celebrated Some happy Some not This morning I turned my face To golden, gossamer sunlight Filtered through cool, blue fog I was showered in love notes Sung to and hugged by my children My pockets may be empty But my heart can't be much fuller
This is my season The season Persephone returns to the underworld To take up her night-sky crown A season where darkness rules And pomegranate seeds glisten Like ruby drops of blood Across a dark and mossy earth A season where candlelight entwines with shadow And long nights lay steeped in vivid dreaming
In this season I embrace my own darkness Unafraid of the cold and the quiet For this is where magic lives Where the mythical and mystical thrive Weaving spells amongst the silence I remember my power just like Persephone For this is a season where the resolute thrive
I submerge into my own deep waters My dark reflection staring back at me As I descend into my true self Into the rejuvenation that exists At the heart of midnight I greet each version of myself Forgiving myself for every unkindness Every neglectful moment In this stillness where I am Safe and whole inside my power For this is the season I return to self Where I remember who I am A daughter of darkness and fire
I have entered my season of truth The veil of delusion Illusion Deliberate ignorance Is being peeled away It is not an ugly truth I find below the surface But a blinding Shining truth One that offers a promise Of deliverance from a Self-imposed bondage And offers a path To a beautiful new freedom
When vibrant joy sparks bitter tears
It means that too many years
Have been spent in emotional blight
That no jubilation can put to right
Like a cloud crossing the sun
Or a dissonant chord rung
When my heart swells and glows
My nervous system knows
That this joy will lead to grieving
My chest begins its heaving
Turning smiles into frowns
As the cortisol lets down
How long has this been so
I will not pretend to know
Like a candle smothered
I unconsciously keep covered
That which makes me take up space
Before I can feel the grace
Of real joy in my blood
I dump it in the mud
I avoid the disappointment
Like a fly stuck in the ointment
I abandon my true will
When he sets on me that chill
And so I am now trained
That joy will end in pain
I know that I must mend
So the sun can shine again
-gws
My voice has been captured
Pinned like a butterfly in a shadowbox
Stored away for safe keeping
Some think it soothing and melodic
Which amuses me since I find it awkward
Muted by fear of judgment and indifference
But no more
I have removed the glass and pins
And though it trembles
It is free
Free to become stronger
To spread its wings and venture into other gardens
Fragile and imperfect
Brave and determined
Flitting from ear to ear
Pollinating minds with my perspectives
Flying joyously free on the wind
-gws
Words Wishes and Wisdom 