Category: Being Me

Tabula Rasa

My future is tabula rasa
Full of possibilities

Slow to emerge from the long shadows 
And still brushing off the cobwebs of shame, doubt, and fear
I begin to wonder what awaits me
Who awaits me

The question nauseates me
I'm not ready to open my heart
Nor do I expect to be ready any time soon
And yet I find myself wondering 
Will there be another 
My heart fearfully whispering,
"Will I get a second chance?"

I'm not ready to fall in love again
I am only longing for the magic of falling
The elation that comes from feeling seen
Feeling chosen
Because all I wanted for so long 
Was to feel chosen
To be enough

I am working to remember how to love me
How to be enough for myself
How to appreciate my perfect imperfections
How to forgive the choices I made to survive
I must become reacquainted with me

My future is tabula rasa
Full of possibilities
Bursting with opportunity to craft a life I want to live
And blessed with time to heal from a life I endured
I embrace my next chapter gratefully
Even as my knees quake with each step forward

My blank slate has its first word: freedom
Its second word: peace
I think that's a beautiful place for a new story to start

-gws

Remember How It Was Before

Remember how it was before
When I confidently walked through my life 
Believing in a future full of infinite possibilities
Idealistic and self-possessed
Inspired and free to manifest the life I desired
Never apologizing for the joyousness of my nature
Never apologizing for my independence and adventurousness
Never apologizing

Such a contrast with who I would embody for too long
Cowed and questing to find the right key
That would unlock your love for the me I was before
The me that I thought you cherished
The me that was once upon a time enough
I remember how it was before
I am on a journey back to myself
The version of me that resembles the echos of my unscarred self
Together we will offer an apology to the me that was before
A reclamation of what I thought was lost
And I will be a wonder again

-gws

To Love Me Properly

Photo by Viktoria Slowikowska on Pexels.com
To love me properly

Be vulnerable
Come honest

Practice deep curiosity
Not just about me
About EVERYTHING!

Be emotionally intelligent
Especially about yourself

Dream
Imagine

Never forget how to look at me
Like I'm the North Star

Want me to write books of poetry about
How you and me equals us

Dance with me to the rhythm of our heartbeats

Enjoy staying up into the quiet hours
Discussing obscure and wonderful things

Willingly and gently hold space for me
Be okay with being, and being with quiet company

Give and receive love in spontaneous small gestures

Own your imperfections gracefully
Own your mistakes openly

Love me fiercely and without chains

Hunt for magic in the world
Create magic in its absence

Play for the sake of it

Respect me in thought, word, and deed
Honor me by dancing in the light of all my
Shining diamond facets 
I'll do the same for you

Desire to embrace a prismatic life

Whatever is left undefined here
Treat as an opportunity to dive deeper
Learn more
Know me better
I am bottomless
An endless landscape to explore

Be willing to be broken open
I want to run my mind over every square inch of your soul
Commit to memory the scars life has left on your heart
So that I may know how to navigate your rough waters

I want to listen to the meanderings of your inner child

I want to know you in 360 degrees
And three dimensions

Be brave enough to shine light into your shadows
Unashamed because you understand
How important healing oneself is

Be secure in my transparency

Be like stained glass
Brilliantly and complexly designed 
Beautiful and translucent

Know that love is a lifetime conversation
A dance that never ends
Shifting and changing
Gracefully synchronized

The prerequisites for loving me properly
May sound unachievable
But to the right person
It will sound like a revelation

-gws

Healing Work

Photo by freestocks.org on Pexels.com
I have no interest in dating or lovers
I think that part of me might be dead
At least I cannot feel anything where that want should be
It is a dead zone in my chest
A hollow place
A salted field that cannot grow life

I have too much healing to do
So much work to do
I need to learn how to TRUST myself again
How to LOVE myself again
How to BE myself again

Now is the time for quiet
The time to feel complicated feelings
Listen to the whispers of a broken heart
A disillusioned spirit
The time to grieve shattered dreams
Relinquished hopes
And lost futures

When the processing is complete
The healing well advanced
The distrust subsided
We'll see where I am 
What I want
What I need
Who I am

-gws



Chiaroscuro

I have befriended darkness
I have plunged my fingers into the deep blackness
Smelled its rich sent
Felt its chill
I have stared into its oblivion
Wondering what is on the other side
And I've felt it watching me back
Equally curious
It whispers of base things
Lust
Craving
Need
Reckless abandon
Danger 
Ecstasy
Seduction
Indulgence
Pleasure 
Pain
I have felt it caress my skin
Shadow spooning the light
Defining my edges
I am incomplete without it
Its contrast necessary
Reminding that there is no light
Without darkness to define it

-gws