Slow to emerge from the long shadows And still brushing off the cobwebs of shame, doubt, and fear I begin to wonder what awaits me Who awaits me
The question nauseates me I'm not ready to open my heart Nor do I expect to be ready any time soon And yet I find myself wondering Will there be another My heart fearfully whispering, "Will I get a second chance?"
I'm not ready to fall in love again I am only longing for the magic of falling The elation that comes from feeling seen Feeling chosen Because all I wanted for so long Was to feel chosen To be enough
I am working to remember how to love me How to be enough for myself How to appreciate my perfect imperfections How to forgive the choices I made to survive I must become reacquainted with me
My future is tabula rasa Full of possibilities Bursting with opportunity to craft a life I want to live And blessed with time to heal from a life I endured I embrace my next chapter gratefully Even as my knees quake with each step forward
My blank slate has its first word: freedom Its second word: peace I think that's a beautiful place for a new story to start
Remember how it was before When I confidently walked through my life Believing in a future full of infinite possibilities Idealistic and self-possessed Inspired and free to manifest the life I desired Never apologizing for the joyousness of my nature Never apologizing for my independence and adventurousness Never apologizing
Such a contrast with who I would embody for too long Cowed and questing to find the right key That would unlock your love for the me I was before The me that I thought you cherished The me that was once upon a time enough I remember how it was before I am on a journey back to myself The version of me that resembles the echos of my unscarred self Together we will offer an apology to the me that was before A reclamation of what I thought was lost And I will be a wonder again
Practice deep curiosity Not just about me About EVERYTHING!
Be emotionally intelligent Especially about yourself
Dream Imagine
Never forget how to look at me Like I'm the North Star
Want me to write books of poetry about How you and me equals us
Dance with me to the rhythm of our heartbeats
Enjoy staying up into the quiet hours Discussing obscure and wonderful things
Willingly and gently hold space for me Be okay with being, and being with quiet company
Give and receive love in spontaneous small gestures
Own your imperfections gracefully Own your mistakes openly
Love me fiercely and without chains
Hunt for magic in the world Create magic in its absence
Play for the sake of it
Respect me in thought, word, and deed Honor me by dancing in the light of all my Shining diamond facets I'll do the same for you
Desire to embrace a prismatic life
Whatever is left undefined here Treat as an opportunity to dive deeper Learn more Know me better I am bottomless An endless landscape to explore
Be willing to be broken open I want to run my mind over every square inch of your soul Commit to memory the scars life has left on your heart So that I may know how to navigate your rough waters
I want to listen to the meanderings of your inner child
I want to know you in 360 degrees And three dimensions
Be brave enough to shine light into your shadows Unashamed because you understand How important healing oneself is
Be secure in my transparency
Be like stained glass Brilliantly and complexly designed Beautiful and translucent
Know that love is a lifetime conversation A dance that never ends Shifting and changing Gracefully synchronized
The prerequisites for loving me properly May sound unachievable But to the right person It will sound like a revelation
I have no interest in dating or lovers I think that part of me might be dead At least I cannot feel anything where that want should be It is a dead zone in my chest A hollow place A salted field that cannot grow life
I have too much healing to do So much work to do I need to learn how to TRUST myself again How to LOVE myself again How to BE myself again
Now is the time for quiet The time to feel complicated feelings Listen to the whispers of a broken heart A disillusioned spirit The time to grieve shattered dreams Relinquished hopes And lost futures
When the processing is complete The healing well advanced The distrust subsided We'll see where I am What I want What I need Who I am
I have befriended darkness I have plunged my fingers into the deep blackness Smelled its rich sent Felt its chill I have stared into its oblivion Wondering what is on the other side And I've felt it watching me back Equally curious It whispers of base things Lust Craving Need Reckless abandon Danger Ecstasy Seduction Indulgence Pleasure Pain I have felt it caress my skin Shadow spooning the light Defining my edges I am incomplete without it Its contrast necessary Reminding that there is no light Without darkness to define it
I have cried rivers To cleanse my heart Of the goods and bads of you In those waters I finally see my own reflection Haloed in sunlight Instead of your shadow
With awkward ineloquent rhymes I started breathing life into words I tattooed Onto untold reams of pressed dead trees When I was still learning how to tell my story I held too much inside I needed a pressure valve An escape hatch for my muted voice That had so much to say But hid from the light of day To hold space for my soul which felt so keenly I juggled words in my mind Like a magician rolls coins across his knuckles A dance of language Choreographed to the rhythm of heartbeats Raw and unrefined But as necessary as air I worried about those early musings Sure they were self-indulgent nonsense Important to no one but me But that was the point The words were important to no one but me The way they should be If others understood them If others were moved by them Then I was doing something extra that was right I gave my voice the space to tell my story Released my experience as art Defined by my own rules A baby poet learning how to Let her storyteller heart fly
Words Wishes and Wisdom 