I've told you a thousand times I hate your demands of my body You've shown me a thousand and one times you don't give a shit I've swallowed a thousand silent screams of frustration I've cried a thousand silent tears of rage I've counted a thousand agonizing seconds waiting For the understanding to etch across your face That OUR relationship is more than just YOUR needs But it never manifests A thousand and one times this exchange plays out Like ghosts caught in the temporal fly paper of their last moments I can't even pretend I'm okay anymore I will not arrange my face into a mask of acceptance I will, instead, blank my face and retreat into my mind Counting a thousand heartbeats enduring the unwanted attention Disguised as affection that is really an affliction upon my person One would think that a girl who looks like me should be grateful That a boy who looks like you is so obsessed with a body like mine I will admit that some part of me is flattered That my thousand fat cells bear your label: SEXY But when the package is more valued than the contents It feels like a thousand Christmases where the kids Like the boxes better than the presents I agonized over choosing I have identified a thousand random shapes in the ceiling paint I have taken a thousand calming breaths While screaming a thousand times in my mind STOP TOUCHING ME It is a thousand moments of madness When I want a thousand and one moments Seeking my enthusiastic consent Instead I endure a thousand days Until the thousand is down to one
If you miss me When you miss me Fill the emptiness with music and dancing I call on the photographers, poets, dancers, writers, creators, dreamers I have left a hole in this world to fill and it's up to you to fill it My light may be extinguished But the spark remains And I pass it on to you To light the darkness with creation
If you miss me When you miss me Create boldly Sing loudly Dance joyfully Write prolifically Daydream often
If you miss me When you miss me Cook your favorite meal Watch your favorite movie Make a date with friends Buy a new pen and notebook Wish on the biggest fluffy dandelions you can find
If you miss me When you miss me Live a stereophonic life Make everyday a symphony full of Crescendos and decrescendos Adagios to allegros and back again And let it into your bones The achingly beautiful and the triumphantly bold For this is how life is Textured, varied, colorful and subdued
If you miss me When you miss me Remember to laugh often Speak your truth honestly, but kindly Live authentically Love fiercely Be the spark of magic and madness the world needs
If you miss me When you miss me Do the things that bring you contentment Enjoy them without the burden of guilt Life is meant to be experienced And I wish you a lifetime of fulfilling experiences
If you miss me When you miss me Make a wish on a star Write me a letter Hug someone you love Surround yourself with love Walk through the world with love And compassion And empathy
If you miss me When you miss me Know that I miss you too I will never be far from you Ready to celebrate you Support you Comfort you Love you From wherever I am
If you miss me When you miss me Read this poem And know I miss you too
On the night I was arrested Our argument ended when You called me a "Fat. Lazy. Black. Bitch." Our children heard you I heard you I couldn't believe you said it But I heard you The words hung in the air like poison Choking the tears in my eyes Choking the rage in my throat Time stopped Suspended by shock Each painfully silent moment Accompanied by the roaring blood Rushing like a raging river in my ears As I stood in the kitchen Eyes wide and mouth open Speechless Everything suddenly clear As I stared at you in utter disbelief It was over It had been over And with that final insult Those four ugly adjectives It became unmistakably understood I was done
Please forgive my silence It is not easy to converse When I don't have much to say Not for want of company But for lack of breath to speak I have been gasping lately In pain In tears In prayer Gasping for air in a chest too tight On days when getting up takes All my might All my fight Please forgive my silence My burdens are so much to bare I hold myself too tightly wound For fear of shaking into pieces And if I set my voice free I worry what will become of me
I don’t know what the New Year will bring But I promise to wake everyday Loving myself more, To honor my own needs, and To breathe life into the magic of my deepest dreams. It is time for me to live an intentional life.
I am not the author of your story As much as that saddens me to admit You are the wordsmith of your tale You write yourself as the hero of your own journey Despite being so often the villain of mine But understanding how you see your world Understanding that you can be none other Than the hero of your pages Helps me gain perspective into why You write me as the arch-villain of your narrative
There is no mirror in your story You cannot see yourself And as if bespelled You see only monsters and Enemies in every shadow My pages would describe the cause As a self-afflicted curse Yours would imply the question Are villains born or made? For you would say you are The result of what others made you Be you hero or villain You are forever alone Shadowboxing every perceived threat And drawing blood from everyone Who gets too close for too long Blinded by pain and unable to See that the one causing The most pain for you is you Like a manifested destiny It becomes so
As our books sit side by side on the shelf Yours a story of never ending rage, war, and loss Mine becomes a story of surrender, retreat, and release For I am removing myself from your story It is time to make myself the hero of my own And write the closing of this chapter For I can feel the peace and love I deserve Waiting for me in the next chapters of my life I am ready to transform my story Into the self-love story I have long deserved I hope you find your happy ending I write a magic wish for that Into my final paragraph Of our chapter in my book Then turn the page to my tabula rasa Full of potential and possibilities And the freedom to write my future As rich and joyful as I can imagine it
Forty-eight orbits of the sun Forty-eight birthdays celebrated Some happy Some not This morning I turned my face To golden, gossamer sunlight Filtered through cool, blue fog I was showered in love notes Sung to and hugged by my children My pockets may be empty But my heart can't be much fuller
This is my season The season Persephone returns to the underworld To take up her night-sky crown A season where darkness rules And pomegranate seeds glisten Like ruby drops of blood Across a dark and mossy earth A season where candlelight entwines with shadow And long nights lay steeped in vivid dreaming
In this season I embrace my own darkness Unafraid of the cold and the quiet For this is where magic lives Where the mythical and mystical thrive Weaving spells amongst the silence I remember my power just like Persephone For this is a season where the resolute thrive
I submerge into my own deep waters My dark reflection staring back at me As I descend into my true self Into the rejuvenation that exists At the heart of midnight I greet each version of myself Forgiving myself for every unkindness Every neglectful moment In this stillness where I am Safe and whole inside my power For this is the season I return to self Where I remember who I am A daughter of darkness and fire
Words Wishes and Wisdom 