I find myself standing upon another threshold Bags packed Affairs ordered The past at my back as I stand poised to step into my future In this liminal space I wish to pause To linger in this brief moment Between heartbeats Between footsteps To reflect on this transition
I have packed the important things Lessons Friendships Memories Love Potential Hope I have purged the obsolete Pain Fear Illusions Expectations Obligations A version of a life I outgrew
I note my era of milestones Marriage Motherhood Misery greater than a person should ever hold
I will miss the map pin piercing the shape of what has been and always will be home Marking the places and people that ripened me into the woman I am Whose stories now inform my mythology
The second hand strains I breathe in one more breath Infuse the ether of a fading life Into the nucleus of my cells As I complete my crossing Into the dawn of my new life
These poems are a journey That began in the light of hope and love Then slowly meandered through increasing darkness They dare to expose the skeletons and demons Barely hidden behind my front door for too long The narration begins in the middle After darkness had well fallen And documents my struggle to breathe My desperate journey to find myself again
And for those who live with horrors who wear human faces If I found my way free I know you can too Let these poems serve as proof That though it is not easy Freedom can be won You can take your life back Write the story exactly as YOU wish it to be
Sometimes the dragon burns down the world As long as you’re standing No matter how wounded You can slay that dragon You ARE the hero of your story YOU get to say when the story is over YOU get to decide how the new book starts YOU get to do whatever the hell YOU want Take my story and forge it into your sword of courage SLAY
And so comes the end of the heaviest chapter The plot twisted dramatically In the hands of an unreliable narrator Linear time fractured Slowed Ran backward Perspectives shifted Creating more confusion than clarity
Muted colors of nostalgia dull recollections Emotional sharpness blunted The hollow ache of a long goodbye Completed with the deliberate placement Of an arch-ending period.
The next act begins with a page turn “THE NEXT CHAPTER” written atop it
This is hard shit. That sometimes grabbing that fact by the throat and screaming in its face is necessary from time to time. Sometimes sitting in the shadow of that truth is required when our spirits are tired and our hearts so broken. And when we're done, we rest. We breathe. And we rise and fight some more. Because we're mothers.
I am, now, trying to forgive myself for the choices I made while trying to survive For staying long past the expiration date in a relationship that had long been toxic and rotten I deserved bette
Before I enter my “Healed Woman” era I must detour into my “Villain” era You see… I was cast in the villain role for so long I might as well embrace the casting for a term With that said… Do not be concerned at my black wardrobe My blood red lips Do not pay mind to my near silent mumbling As I light candles and cast salt about Fret not over my narrowed, focused eyes Rimmed in thick black liner As I observe and calculate my options Do not wonder about the herb-coated offerings Laid out beneath the full moon None of it is your concern Cross the street Avert your gaze Do not trouble yourself wondering in my direction I’m embracing my dark side Doing my shadow work If my shadow is meant to fall upon you You will know
Slow to emerge from the long shadows And still brushing off the cobwebs of shame, doubt, and fear I begin to wonder what awaits me Who awaits me
The question nauseates me I'm not ready to open my heart Nor do I expect to be ready any time soon And yet I find myself wondering Will there be another My heart fearfully whispering, "Will I get a second chance?"
I'm not ready to fall in love again I am only longing for the magic of falling The elation that comes from feeling seen Feeling chosen Because all I wanted for so long Was to feel chosen To be enough
I am working to remember how to love me How to be enough for myself How to appreciate my perfect imperfections How to forgive the choices I made to survive I must become reacquainted with me
My future is tabula rasa Full of possibilities Bursting with opportunity to craft a life I want to live And blessed with time to heal from a life I endured I embrace my next chapter gratefully Even as my knees quake with each step forward
My blank slate has its first word: freedom Its second word: peace I think that's a beautiful place for a new story to start
Words Wishes and Wisdom 