The cell was sparse Florescent lights Sleeping platform Stainless steel toilet and sink But the walls They were covered in other people's stories The wall above the cot had been decorated in crayon A large, pink pointe shoe Someone's broken dream on display Doodles and hash marks A newspaper clipping of a local sports team's championship win So many names so the walls would recall their existence So the next inmates had connection to the ones who came before I sat alone with their ghosts Waiting for my turn to leave part of myself behind
There are days I’m not ok Or hours Or minutes Or breaths The doubt suffocating Grief a scream locked deep in my chest I am reminded I am making the right choices Shown proof of it again and again Did you know the right things can Sometimes feel so terribly wrong
Sometimes the fear rises The paralyzing fear of all the ugliness I so desperately seek freedom from You never believe you’re conditioned To feel you deserve abuse until you are Until your stomach drops as the energy changes And your breathing quickens And you start calculating how bad their rage will be this time
Words bruise so much worse than fists The self doubt stripping your confidence The gaslighting destabilizing reality despite Your inner voice calling out the lies in all of it Knowing that there is no defense when you Are forced to wear the badge of victimizer Despite being the real victim Because it makes them feel powerful and justified Emotional abuse is a mind fuck of the worst degree And some people make a career of the art of it
In this breath This minute This hour This day I am not ok They say I will be someday
There was a girl who was friends with God The girl was told God was a man in white robes But her God was a woman in a soft blue dress Who let the girl sleep protected in her arms Just the same as she held her own son
Oh Peter! You have lost a Lost Boy He never made it to Neverland He couldn't find the second star on the right And he ended up in the Alleys of Midnight Alone and scared No one could hear him No one would help him Everyone he trusted let him down
Oh Peter! As he grew up (For the Alleys of Midnight Forced everyone to grow up) His spirit grew dark His shadow dominant He waited for rescue that never came And his tears turned him bitter And his bitterness bred a rage That would quake the feather In Captain Hook's hat
Oh Peter! Can you help him? Can you rescue him? Can you take him to the forests And play follow-the-leader games? Can you show him how to Think happy thoughts again? Can you resurrect his inner child By splashing in the Mermaid Lagoon? Can you help him believe in hope again?
I want to live in a cabin between the woods and the sea I want to smell mossy earth and pine resin at daybreak Wood smoke and salt air at sunset I want to be surrounded by books and filtered sunlight Candles, blank pages, and moonlight I want to walk with hopes by day And dance with dreams by night I want to watch banana slugs explore my garden I want to hear the chorus of crashing waves Gulls crying exultantly from the sky Wind playing chase through the cypress boughs
I want to be free of the chains of expectations Free of the weight of the looming other shoe I wish not to drink from any more bitter cups Fall on any more swords Remove twisted daggers from my back I crave peace Beauty Lightness Hope Creativity Freedom I crave relationships that are mutually supportive That nurture souls That transact in honesty Respectfulness Genuineness Ease Love
My darlings You became little men The day we ran from the boogeyman You met the task as an adventure Not yet aware that the world you knew Crumbled while you slept I will bring you as much magic as you can hold To keep your hearts moored in innocence I cannot stitch your world whole again I promise to weave you a new tapestry Rich in dreams Love Possibility My little men You have learned too early How unkind the world can be But we will meet it Softly Gently Together
Dear sister I see you How your heart is bleeding How your soul is aching You are transforming Becoming so much more Than you imagined you were or could be You are becoming a diamond Under all of the pressure One worthy to be the center piece Of your own glorious crown I can't wait to see how you shine
"Love is not enough" This was a truth I gave you In place of a kiss goodbye Love is not enough to bridge The chasm separating us Neither is it flexible enough To withstand the tension It cannot rewrite our history Erase the years of pain It cannot alter reality Nor save our unsalvageable marriage The love between us is a shadow A wraith A remnant Of a hope dressed up to look like love In third-hand threadbare finery The illusion shattered And the real state of things exposed
Words Wishes and Wisdom 