The time has come to leave the stage
The play is done
And its run complete
The houselights are up
And the audience has departed
Douse the footlights
And extinguish the spot
It's time to remove our costumes
And our makeup
As we are players no more
And yet we linger upon the stage
Yearning for one more act
One more scene
So that we can linger in an illusion
Of happily endings
- gws
"In the end, you cannot save what does not want to be saved."
"When the pain is greater than the fear, you will know what to do."
Every time your resentments flow like tidal waves I drown in a truth that is brighter than the sun You didn’t want this life You didn’t want me
You thought by choosing me you were… ...making right on the injuries you inflicted ...picking the girl who would be steady and sure ...thumbing your nose at your conservative parents ...proving something to your sisters ...doing what was expected of you by your family and society ...doing what you expected of yourself
You might have loved me once But you don’t know how to love yourself And unless you can love yourself You cannot love anyone else And we all suffer You Me The kids In trying to manifest some imagined expectation you believe the world burdened you with You have doomed us to a hollow, lonely existence
In the darkest moments, I sometimes wish you had never come back After you walked away all those years ago I sometimes think the man I fell in love with never returned You went out for bread and just never came back Only your demons returned wearing your face
Time has not been kind to us Nor has it bred kindness in us Though I think I really tried But the steel in your eye and the edge in your voice As you lay down my assigned crimes in a quiet growl Eviscerates me over and over for The crimes of a world that doesn't adhere to your desires
It hurts to love you And I don’t know if I have it in me to continue to try I am drinking sand in the desert for lack of water And I am withering inside So just admit that I am not what you wanted I am what you thought you should have A requirement on the test of Life That allowed you to check the box of successful adulthood
"Hurt people, hurt people," I've heard it said You are a drowning man who is blindly flailing Endangering or scaring off those who might help I accept your life's injury and pain But I do not accept responsibility for it And I cannot continue to endure your wrath to heal you
"In the end, you cannot save what does not want to be saved."
"When the pain is greater than the fear, you will know what to do."
I took a walk under warm October skies. Friday night lights lit my way as the marching band at the local high school played Motown on the nearby football field. As I walked down the street, I passed a young woman in a relaxed phone conversation on her front porch. She was joyously telling the person on the other end of the phone that she had just realized that she was excited to get married, and I smiled at her to show my joy at her joy. She smiled back in acknowledgement.
But as I made my way toward home, my smile quickly faded as I realized that I never got to experience that feeling she was describing. I never got to be excited about getting married. Every time I started to get excited a shadow would eclipse my sun. Another discovery. Another confrontation. Another meltdown. Another confession. Another betrayal. Another, "I'm sorry." Another. Another. Another... Stolen joy. Disappointment. Hurt. Reassessment. Promise. Betrayal. Apology...
I envied that woman's excitement. More, I wished her great love and lasting happiness. I knew neither.
I watched red contrails crisscross the orange-glow, autumn sunset sky, and wondered if it could have been different. I wondered if it should have been different. I wondered if it should be different. I returned home to my reality, and as I stepped back into my rut-worn role in my desaturated, carbon copy world, I hoped tomorrow might be different despite knowing that would likely never be.
-gws
Words Wishes and Wisdom 