Category: Relationships

A Love Letter for Those Who Love Me

Thank you all for being my angels
My bowling lane bumper guards
My Jiminy Crickets
My chorus of friends and family 
Who say the things I have had so much trouble saying to myself
For constantly reminding me that the children and I 
Demand, command, and deserve 
To be held most valuable
For reminding me that no matter how terrible I feel about what I am doing 
That there is a greater good that I must serve
That of the wellbeing of my family of three growing souls and one old, weary one
“I love you,” is hardly powerful enough 
“I’m grateful,” is impotent in its ability to deliver the depth 
Of what I feel for what you are doing for me and my children
You have filled the many holes in me with light and love and patience and grace
This journey hasn’t drowned me because you have pulled my head from beneath the water 
Gently reminding me to breathe until I can remember how to float again
I know I wouldn’t be at this place
Walking forward one painful step at a time without all of you
Picking me up and cheering me on

-gws

Friends…

Photo by Max Ravier on Pexels.com
Friends...

Hold me up when the weight of my world
Causes my knees to buckle
Sing truth to my inflamed mind
When the noise of living trauma
Drowns my ability to reason
Gentle
Patient
Empathetic
Sometimes sharp but never cruel
My lighthouse in stormy waters
My safety net when the trapeze breaks
My light in the darkest and longest nights
Voicing wisdom I need at the right time
In the right way
Through the right person
Another conduit through which
My Goddess speaks to me
All of them a blessing I can never
Craft adequate words to encompass
So important and special
Their glow is to my night sky

-gws

If Not Me

I may appear whole
What you cannot see
Are the burns on my feet
From walking miles through fire
The stars in my eyes
From taking too many hits
The lacerations on my skin
From navigating uncountable shards of glass
The weariness deep in my bones
From rising everyday to overcome 
Some challenge or trial
Again
And again
I have dodged and weaved
Punched and parried my way
Through days I never could have predicted 
I have shown up when all I desired 
Was to lay down and give up
Because if not me, then who
Mothers have to dig deep
We have to find that reservoir of power labeled
Do it for the children 
So I push
So I push
So I push
Through the deepest, coldest waters
The fiercest, raging fires
The longest, darkest nights because 
If not me, then who
For them

-gws

Learn to Say Goodbye

I see the grief in your eyes
As the carefully crafted reality you made
Starts to fracture into a cascade of spiderwebs
The part of me that still loves you 
Wants to comfort you
Tell you that everything will be ok
But I cannot do that
This disillusionment is necessary
And being trapped inside your bell jar
Has nearly ended me
I will not forge you a new one with false hope
That I am still your refuge
Because this all must end
You must face the world
On the other side of the looking glass
The real world where the damage you have wrought
Lays exposed before you
A cold world where you are finally alone
My heart breaks because it didn't need to be this
I wanted to love you
I tried to
But you didn't know how to accept love
And you didn't know how to give love
Because you don't know how to love yourself
You don't know what healthy love feels like
I feel the grief in my heart as I watch you
Watch your world unravel
I mourn for both of us
For the future that will never be
For the past so full of pain
For the love we both deserved but
That couldn't survive your demons
I did love you
I loved you so much, so hard
I forgot how to love myself
I grieve for all we are letting go of
I grieve along side you
As my hand slips from yours
And we learn to say goodbye

-gws