I spent too much time curled into myself in the dark Screaming into nothingness "Please SEE me!" Staring at my own reflection Struggling to be my own witness Watering my seeds of worthiness With bitter, hopeless tears Whispering "You matter" at soulless silvered glass While my hollow reflection stared blankly back Unmoved
I was looking for the focus of the blind Begging for the acknowledgment of Narcissus Looking for shelter under a tree that offered no shade Trapped in a circle of salt crusting my eyes Unable to find a patch of sunlight in winter Shackled starving sacrifice Ignorant I held the key in my hand To the shackles I forged and fitted myself
When I was thoroughly cried out Starved so long I felt sated I chipped away the concretion obscuring my vision To discover I was surrounded by pinpoints of light Lanterns bobbing at the edges of my shadows I turned the key and let the shackles fall away Pressed my fingers to the tally marks I carved in the leafless tree And crawled toward those hopeful orbs As I got closer they began to coalesce Becoming a chorus of light
From that light came strong and gentle hands Lifting me to my feet Embracing me Murmuring words of love and encouragement Safety and serenity Pride and comfort They fed and watered me Cared for me tenderly And reminded me how to do the same for myself They shined their warm light upon me They sang and celebrated me
My darlings You became little men The day we ran from the boogeyman You met the task as an adventure Not yet aware that the world you knew Crumbled while you slept I will bring you as much magic as you can hold To keep your hearts moored in innocence I cannot stitch your world whole again I promise to weave you a new tapestry Rich in dreams Love Possibility My little men You have learned too early How unkind the world can be But we will meet it Softly Gently Together
Do onto others as you wish to be done onto This is the call Cast off the shackles of Abuse Neglect Mistreatment Harm The scars that mar your ancestors The scars that mar you The greatest gift given in life Free will Wield it like a craftsman Hold it like a pen and Rewrite your story Erase the patterns from your pages Show your children that you Can reshape the stars in the sky Show them how to heal in the light of the moon And the bright beacon of day No future is written in stone No fate inevitable Let it begin here By deciding the pain of the past Ends here
Thank you all for being my angels My bowling lane bumper guards My Jiminy Crickets My chorus of friends and family Who say the things I have had so much trouble saying to myself For constantly reminding me that the children and I Demand, command, and deserve To be held most valuable For reminding me that no matter how terrible I feel about what I am doing That there is a greater good that I must serve That of the wellbeing of my family of three growing souls and one old, weary one “I love you,” is hardly powerful enough “I’m grateful,” is impotent in its ability to deliver the depth Of what I feel for what you are doing for me and my children You have filled the many holes in me with light and love and patience and grace This journey hasn’t drowned me because you have pulled my head from beneath the water Gently reminding me to breathe until I can remember how to float again I know I wouldn’t be at this place Walking forward one painful step at a time without all of you Picking me up and cheering me on
I may appear whole What you cannot see Are the burns on my feet From walking miles through fire The stars in my eyes From taking too many hits The lacerations on my skin From navigating uncountable shards of glass The weariness deep in my bones From rising everyday to overcome Some challenge or trial Again And again I have dodged and weaved Punched and parried my way Through days I never could have predicted I have shown up when all I desired Was to lay down and give up Because if not me, then who Mothers have to dig deep We have to find that reservoir of power labeled Do it for the children So I push So I push So I push Through the deepest, coldest waters The fiercest, raging fires The longest, darkest nights because If not me, then who For them
Say the thing
Make it awkward
For we never know when the final fickle Fate
Will wield her scissors and snip a thread from our tapestry
Forever severing a connection
An action that cannot be undone
"I love you."
"I miss you."
"I care about you."
"You are important to me."
"My life is better with you in it."
Whatever the thing is you feel
SAY IT
And let it go
Knowing that you have released love
In some version
Into the life of someone you care for in some way
We are fortunate to have our lives
Woven with many threads
But as gently as we are entangled together
The severing and unraveling are inevitable
Sharp and severe
We will have loss
But we do not have to have regret
Say the thing
Make it awkward
Only Clotho, Lachesis, and Atropos
See the grand weaving of our lives
How each chapter of our lives will unfold
And how and when those varied chapters will end
Within those pages we are gifted with the opportunity of choice
To give and receive love with the others in our story
Say the thing
Make it awkward
-gws
Because my mama loves me no matter how far away we are, or how frequently we talk
Because my mama loves me no matter how old I get, or how many babies I’ve had
Because my mama loves me no matter how capable or incapable I perceive myself to be
Because my mama loves me no matter how broke I am or successful I become
Because my mama loves me no matter how little or how much I love myself
Because my mama loves me..."more, most, to the moon and back, and to infinity and beyond"
Because my mama will always love her baby girl like the day she learned she carried my spark, and will beyond when our sparks rejoin the stars
Because I love my mama I will treat every check in like a hug
Because I love my mama I will treat every worry like a kiss
Because I love my mama I will treat every conversation as a gift
Because I love my mama I will treat every gift as a treasure
Because I love my mama I will not take any second of her love for me for granted
Because I will always love my mama I will love her like the day my spark took root inside of her, and will beyond when our sparks rejoin the stars
-gws
"Disobedient children don't live half of their days."
I can hear your voice reciting this sentiment
Did you ever consider how scary that sounds to a child
I know it was meant to scare
But was it meant to scar
This turn of phrase left me so confused
So convinced that I’d never see adulthood
I know you meant no harm
You carried forward what you learned
Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep brought no comfort
For what does a child know of life and death
The memory of that oft said phrase
The memory of that terrible prayer
Still haunt my inner child
Rock-a-bye Baby always made me sad for the baby
Why was the baby on a treetop
A baby falling from a broken tree bough
Is hardly a comforting lullaby
I did not carry these things forward
I staunchly refused
I surrendered the nightmares of these things to the ether and to time
And celebrate every day that this disobedient child is still here
- gws
Wake them
Dress them
Feed them
Then it's off to school
Pick them up
And bring them home
Provide a snack or two
Help them with their homework
Hold them when they're sad
Help them learn to regulate
Themselves when they are mad
Attempt to feed them dinner
Then it's time for bed
Pick out a book or two
From favorites we have read
Bandage up their owies
Make sure they brushed their teeth
Check beneath their beds to prove
There's nothing underneath
One last kiss for comfort
And then to tuck them in
Then off to sleep for mommy
To begin it all again
-gws
If I speak to the river, will it hear me?
If I listen to the river, will I hear you?
Do you now know why the sockeye fight so hard?
Do you run free against the current with them?
Have they shown you what home feels like?
Perhaps you already knew
The river always speaking to your soul
Ever willing to sweep away your demons
I wonder what your favorite river is
I wonder how beautiful your heaven must be
I hope that your traumas from this life are
Faded and indistinct in their mark upon you
I hope you smile as you enjoy your river
I hope the river whispers reminders of your
Worthiness and reminds you that you are
Deeply loved and deeply missed in this world
Thank you for leaving your poetry
Your appreciation of nature and rivers
And your love of the beauty in the world
So that I can know a little of your spirit
-gws
Words Wishes and Wisdom 