1 cup courage
3 cups self-love
Mix gently with a handful of self-forgiveness
1 cup worthiness
1/2 cup of grit
Season with wisdom by the heart full
Knead in generous amounts of humor
Add a splash of multifaceted and glinting tears
Let rest for as long as instinct dictates
Your heart will know when it is ready
Garnish with wonder and joy
Consume slowly to allow the medicine to work
Partake often until peace and wholeness feels achieved
gws
You finally let your mask slip
And with it crumbled the dam I built for you
Made of guilt and grief and pity
You tore it all down with four texts
Relieved me of the strain of false responsibility
By revealing your true and malignant self
Through the dust and dirt
I finally knew what freedom felt like
As the stones tumbled away and the air cleared
I could finally see you sharply
I knew in that moment I had done the right things
A rumble began to rise
As the rage began to ascend
Suppressed beneath my compassion for you
Barricaded by empathy your didn't deserve
Now the pain and hurt and grief and rage
I held back for this last year
Ices my skin
Darkens my eyes
Eliminates my capacity for compassion
And awakens the tactician's skills
The quiet, calculated, dark, divine feminine
Is finally assuming her throne within me
Welcome to my healing era
No fucks are given here anymore
-gws
You cannot see me but you can never forget I'm here
I'm etched upon your existence like a tattoo
I am a scar carved into your soul
A memory of a war waged and survived
You have learned to live with me
Learned to navigate the taught tenderness of my edges
I ache when you rain
I pull when you venture too close to familiar flames
You don't notice me much anymore
You've managed to balm my wound well enough
For time and distance to allow me to heal
But I will never be gone
I will always be the quiet reminder of lessons learned
When I ache you remember
There was once a grievous hurt that ripped you open
You remember you have survived
One hundred percent of your bad days
You remember you know how to heal
-gws
At the edge of the longest day
I gathered drops of sunlight into a bottle
Secured it with cord and hung it at my throat
Warmth and light illuminated my path
Freeing me to see that I did not only hold the light
I was the light and the light was me
As I journeyed through the crossroads
I shed the darkness I had allowed to consume me
Abandoned it like a wool cloak on Midsummer day
Moved forward ensconced in my own powerful light
Willing into truth I'd never be dimmed again
I exited the crossroads
The weight of unworthiness falling away behind me
I salted the path as I walked
Erecting a barrier against old demons who might follow
I reminded myself that joy cannot grow in poisoned soil
I vowed to never return to this infertile place
Gnarled roots and sharp thorns grabbed at me
Tried to hold me in that familiar barren land
I would no longer be held
My light became a glowing blade of will
And I rended myself free of the patterns of my past
Leaving them as sacrifices at the edge of this intersection
Of my old life and new
I followed the road's gentle path through new lands
When I came to a willow by a stream
Raw, ravaged and weary
I sat beneath its shaded canopy and allowed myself to rest
I wrapped myself in the cool, green safety beneath its branches
I put down my burdens
I rinsed my wounds
Lulled into meditation by the whispering water
I allowed myself to feel peace in place of vigilance
I listened to the birds above me
The crickets around me
I allowed myself to be present
I allowed myself to feel
The dappled light on my skin
The kisses of the sweet breeze on my cheeks
The cool, damp grass beneath me
The steady, gentle beat of my heart
The slow rhythm of my breathing
In that tranquil place
Of healing
Of new beginning
Of rebalancing
In that moment where I was
Obligated to no one by myself
In that space where I remembered how simple joy can be
I cupped the bottle of sunlight to my chest
And knew I'd never fear the shadows again
-gws
I spent too much time curled into myself in the dark
Screaming into nothingness
"Please SEE me!"
Staring at my own reflection
Struggling to be my own witness
Watering my seeds of worthiness
With bitter, hopeless tears
Whispering "You matter" at soulless silvered glass
While my hollow reflection stared blankly back
Unmoved
I was looking for the focus of the blind
Begging for the acknowledgment of Narcissus
Looking for shelter under a tree that offered no shade
Trapped in a circle of salt crusting my eyes
Unable to find a patch of sunlight in winter
Shackled starving sacrifice
Ignorant I held the key in my hand
To the shackles I forged and fitted myself
When I was thoroughly cried out
Starved so long I felt sated
I chipped away the concretion obscuring my vision
To discover I was surrounded by pinpoints of light
Lanterns bobbing at the edges of my shadows
I turned the key and let the shackles fall away
Pressed my fingers to the tally marks I carved in the leafless tree
And crawled toward those hopeful orbs
As I got closer they began to coalesce
Becoming a chorus of light
From that light came strong and gentle hands
Lifting me to my feet
Embracing me
Murmuring words of love and encouragement
Safety and serenity
Pride and comfort
They fed and watered me
Cared for me tenderly
And reminded me how to do the same for myself
They shined their warm light upon me
They sang and celebrated me
And I was seen
gws
I experienced the blood without feeling
Without feeling the wound
To heal the wound
I must feel the pain
Then do the work
To clean it away
There is no healing
Without feeling
-gws
These poems are a journey
That began in the light of hope and love
Then slowly meandered through increasing darkness
They dare to expose the skeletons and demons
Barely hidden behind my front door for too long
The narration begins in the middle
After darkness had well fallen
And documents my struggle to breathe
My desperate journey to find myself again
And for those who live with horrors who wear human faces
If I found my way free
I know you can too
Let these poems serve as proof
That though it is not easy
Freedom can be won
You can take your life back
Write the story exactly as YOU wish it to be
Sometimes the dragon burns down the world
As long as you’re standing
No matter how wounded
You can slay that dragon
You ARE the hero of your story
YOU get to say when the story is over
YOU get to decide how the new book starts
YOU get to do whatever the hell YOU want
Take my story and forge it into your sword of courage
SLAY
-gws
Seasons are changing
I’m surprised to find myself In
In a spring awakening
Possibilities bloom
While dreams grow deep roots
-gws
I am the fourth daughter to do it alone
Independence and survival are in my DNA
Only child to a single mother
Only granddaughter amongst the cousins
Only kid on my block
I have lived in comfortable aloneness most of my life
Do not believe I do not get lonely
I know how to remedy loneliness
Trusted family
Tribe
Are always a keystroke or "hello" away
I'd prefer to have a partner
To help me raise and support my children
But not at the cost of my independence
My independence is foundational in my peace
If I cannot retain my independent spirit
I cannot sustain my sense of self
I need a partner who walks alongside me
Who understands that I need to run in my wildness
Who does not try to domesticate me
Into something less than myself
Aloneness is not absence or lack
It is the space where I meet myself
It is the door to my Narnia
The place where unfettered dreams thrive
Where words waltz in ballgowns and tails
Where stories bloom from rich soil
Where I sit in conversation with discomfort
Where I sit in conversation with my gods
It is the garden of my delights
And it is as precious to me as air
How do I manage alone you ask
I understand that I'm never really alone
I'm as alone as I choose to be
I'm helped as much as I choose to ask for it
It is not as perfect or simple as these stanzas may imply
But the essence of my truth is here
Simplified
Distilled into a comprehensible version
Of my vast and complex reality
A demonstration of shifting perspective
Being alone carries so much oppressive connotation
I choose to experience it as a necessary liberation
Allowing me to navigate life by my own north star
Inspiring me to never lose sight of myself again
-gws
I loved myself plenty
I spent so much energy on him
there was none left for me
But the echos of my knowing
The spark that was always the heart of who I am
Could not be extinguished
No matter how hard he tried
And he raged against
My defiance to submission and subjugation
And when I could endure no more
I was done
I breathed my flame back to life
And I am once again its keeper
Ensuring it is fed and protected in any storm
I will not be dimmed or diminished again
Words Wishes and Wisdom 