I often wonder if I'm missing something
I keep seeming to make the same mistake
Unable to avoid the pothole I know is there
To avoid the nail that snags my sweaters
Every time I walk past
Always forgetting the indulgence that makes me ill
Perhaps these continuous tragedies are the result of
An education I have failed to get
Or failed to learn from
The ripping and tearing
The tripping and falling
The banging and bruising
All from things I know will cause me harm
Things I should know to avoid
And yet I cannot seem to hold the lessons
I cannot seem to employ the learning
And I wonder what is wrong with me
-gws
Do you earn medals for hurting me
Because you treat it like an Olympic sport?
Are my tears some cocktail that intoxicates your soul
For I have cried oceans at your words and deeds?
Is my pain the wood for your spiteful fire
For it seems to always stoke your rage higher?
When did the joy we shared turn to ash?
When did that concentrated venom infuse into your words?
When did you develop such resentment of me to turn your eyes to depth-less stone?
-gws
You were never mine
You were too transient to be considered mine
Too non-committal
But you attached yourself to me anyway
You kept coming back to knock on my door
And I kept letting you in
You wouldn't let go of me
Though you didn't really want me
And I was too blind
Trusting
Hopeful to acknowledge the truth I knew in my bones
That I'd never be enough for you
Because you didn't know what enough felt like
You were a bottomless pit of need that could not seem to be filled
I kept pouring into you
Until I was empty
And it wasn't enough
I always found ways of putting pennies in your cup
While mine lay abandoned and empty at our feet
Both of us left hungry and growling
Snapping and swiping at each other
Bloody
Broken
Damaged
Miserable
And for God knows what reason
Still unable to let go
I wished you had just let me go
And that I let you
-gws
I don't get to run from pain
It finds me
It circles like a wolf pack around wounded prey
I drop to my knees
Paralyzed and desperate for breath
Silent screams dying on my swollen lips
Tear tracks on my cheeks like tattoos
There's not enough rage to power a comeback
I've always gotten back up
But when is enough fight enough
When do I get to catch a break
Death by a thousand cuts is agony
Maybe I just need to lay face down in the mud
And let it drown me
I'm too tired to take another hit
-gws
If wishes were grains of sand
I'd own beach front property
If hopes were shooting stars
Every night would be the Perseids
If dreams were glitter
I'd be a drag queen on a Saturday night
If fairy tales were real
True love's kiss would have delivered me from my waking trials
But I do not live at the beach
Or sleep below a light-streaked sky
I do not glitter on a stage
And there is no magical happy ever after
I, instead, walk moment to moment
Doing my best to keep my feet
I rub weariness from my eyes
And sadness from my heart
And despite myself, I continue to wish and hope and dream
Because my dreamer's heart is more stubborn than my jaded mind
-gws
I am a shorted circuit
Blown out and useless
Pushed beyond my capacity to function
Unable to manifest an ounce of energy
Burnt ozone the only proof
That I blazed bright
Before I met my limit
And succumbed completely
To my efforts to keep the lights on
Forever numb
-gws
Words Wishes and Wisdom 