There is not right time
No one will give you permission
Reach for the dream
Start learning something new
Say the thing you want to say
Grasp the chance
It's better to try and nurse the bruises of defeat
Than befriend the bitterness of regret for life
-gws
I looked out from the promontory of life
Across a vast hinterland
The turbid quagmire miles behind me
The frisson of trepidation abated for now
I wish to tracklessly caper in those hinterlands
Beneath a lustrous azure sky
Vesuvian days released to the past
Gossamer hopes eddy about me like a corolla
Hopes of enduring eudaemonia
No longer needing to latibulate in darkness
Before me stands my Elysian dreams
Filled with halcyon days
And tranquil gloamings
I will alight in a new and unblemished existence
A ruderal redeemed
Awaiting rich and fertile soil of a new life
Under the radiant zenith of a new day
-gws
In more common language:
I look out from the overlook of life
Across a vast unknown
The confusing, unstable ground behind me
The sudden fear of trepidation abated for now
I wish to tracklessly revel in those unknown lands
Beneath a shining blue sky
Explosive, volatile days released to the past
Delicate hopes whirl about me like the swirl at the heart of a flower
Hopes of enduring happiness
No longer needing to hide in a corner in darkness
Before me stands my dreams of paradise
Filled with idyllically happy and prosperous days
And tranquil twilights
I will land and settle in a new and unblemished existence
A plant growing amongst the concrete redeemed
Awaiting rich and fertile soil of a new life
Under the radiant height of a new day
-gws
I have worn my tear stains like war paint
The flush of agony, despair, and rage, too
I have unleashed keening so potent
The gods stopped to answer
With a path to deliverance
-gws
Even in the deepest darkness
You will not reach for the light
You would rather drown in your pride
Than consider you may not be right
-gws
He was a brown-eyed boy
Freckles on his cheeks
He shared his gummy Coke bottles
And always picked me to play at recess
He was a little misunderstood
But not by me
I saw him as kindred
He helped transform the gray playground
Into space ships and fantastical landscapes
It didn't matter I was an icky girl
Or that he was a yucky boy
He was comfortable with me
And I with him
My heart broke when he moved away
I never meant to lose contact but we did
We found each other for a minute
Just after high school
He sent me a letter and a picture
A man's version of the freckled face I once knew
Adorned in dress blues
I think I responded too enthusiastically
I never got another letter
And my heart broke a second time
I hope that wherever he is
He is happy
A brown-eyed boy
With freckles on his cheeks
Sharing gummy Coke bottles
With someone he loves
-gws
Some days
Getting out of bed
Putting on my adulting pants and
Mechanically doing what needs to be done
Is an accomplishment
-gws
How did it feel when I was finally arrested?
Did it bring you glee to know I was handcuffed and taken away?
Were you happy your long standing desire was finally fulfilled?
Were you satisfied with yourself?
Did you celebrate?
Did you pat yourself on the back triumphantly?
Did you rejoice knowing I was forced into the company of actual criminals?
Did it make you giddy to know I experienced the humiliation of being strip searched?
Were you finally satisfied to get the mother of your children arrested?
Was it all you hoped for?
Who does that?
Who plots plans premediates such things?
Who bates and berates?
Who starts a fire and fans the flames?
Who then pretends that they didn't create the inferno?
Who has no remorse?
Who shows love like that?
Who did I marry?
How soon can I be free?
-gws
Curtains of branches and leaves cascade to the ground
Creating a sanctuary for childhood dreams beneath
The somber sway of weeping willows
Hides from common eyes the magical worlds they held for me
I made friends of willow trees
The trees of my childhood spoke to me
They greeted me every time I played in their park
There are less of them today
But a few still stand
Providing mystical playgrounds for new children
I wave hello to those trees when I pass them by
Hoping they remember the little girl who loved them so well
And always will
-gws
I have no interest in dating or lovers
I think that part of me might be dead
At least I cannot feel anything where that want should be
It is a dead zone in my chest
A hollow place
A salted field that cannot grow life
I have too much healing to do
So much work to do
I need to learn how to TRUST myself again
How to LOVE myself again
How to BE myself again
Now is the time for quiet
The time to feel complicated feelings
Listen to the whispers of a broken heart
A disillusioned spirit
The time to grieve shattered dreams
Relinquished hopes
And lost futures
When the processing is complete
The healing well advanced
The distrust subsided
We'll see where I am
What I want
What I need
Who I am
-gws
Among my dark tresses
Magic is sprouting
So many threads of silver tinsel
Adorning my head like glittering filaments
Filling my hair with starlight
-gws
Words Wishes and Wisdom 