The first spring rain falls from a darkened sky Washing away the heaviness from the air Bringing deliverance of spirit Offering itself as balm for my weary heart Through its steady patter beyond my open window Petrichor rising to ground me Cool and damp air greeting too hot skin I close my eyes Imagining my complete surrender to it Making an offering of all that scars me All that weighs so heavily on my shoulders I welcome this renewal This forgiveness This peace I invite this healing Surrender to this gentleness Allow this act of cleansing Readying my world to reawaken Readying me to bloom again
Thank you all for being my angels My bowling lane bumper guards My Jiminy Crickets My chorus of friends and family Who say the things I have had so much trouble saying to myself For constantly reminding me that the children and I Demand, command, and deserve To be held most valuable For reminding me that no matter how terrible I feel about what I am doing That there is a greater good that I must serve That of the wellbeing of my family of three growing souls and one old, weary one “I love you,” is hardly powerful enough “I’m grateful,” is impotent in its ability to deliver the depth Of what I feel for what you are doing for me and my children You have filled the many holes in me with light and love and patience and grace This journey hasn’t drowned me because you have pulled my head from beneath the water Gently reminding me to breathe until I can remember how to float again I know I wouldn’t be at this place Walking forward one painful step at a time without all of you Picking me up and cheering me on
“Remember you didn’t cause it. You couldn’t have prevented it. You have nothing to feel guilty for. It is okay to grieve. There is much to grieve, But do not confuse grief with guilt.”
I did not know how much I needed These words until they were spoken.
Hold me up when the weight of my world Causes my knees to buckle Sing truth to my inflamed mind When the noise of living trauma Drowns my ability to reason Gentle Patient Empathetic Sometimes sharp but never cruel My lighthouse in stormy waters My safety net when the trapeze breaks My light in the darkest and longest nights Voicing wisdom I need at the right time In the right way Through the right person Another conduit through which My Goddess speaks to me All of them a blessing I can never Craft adequate words to encompass So important and special Their glow is to my night sky
I may appear whole What you cannot see Are the burns on my feet From walking miles through fire The stars in my eyes From taking too many hits The lacerations on my skin From navigating uncountable shards of glass The weariness deep in my bones From rising everyday to overcome Some challenge or trial Again And again I have dodged and weaved Punched and parried my way Through days I never could have predicted I have shown up when all I desired Was to lay down and give up Because if not me, then who Mothers have to dig deep We have to find that reservoir of power labeled Do it for the children So I push So I push So I push Through the deepest, coldest waters The fiercest, raging fires The longest, darkest nights because If not me, then who For them
Everyone who has ever loved you Have put their hands up and Taken a step back Now they are looking at me Wondering if now is when I will finally do the same
I’m walking between worlds Both in a nightmare And waking from one Navigating the rocky path One footfall at a time Calling on my ancestors Those women who each Did the same in their own way As I step out of darkness Into the healing light of freedom
Words Wishes and Wisdom 