When Love Returns to Darken Your Doorstep

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Oh it's you
I knew you might find me again one day
Minding my business
Unaware and defenseless
I knew you might show up on my doorstep
Inviting the resurrection of my long disused heart
I thought we had an agreement
An understanding, perhaps
You see, I have no desire to let you settle here again
The soil in which I am planted is not good for your roots
You salted it well long ago
Do you really not remember because I still do
And yet here you are
Bags in hand asking if you can stay a while
Looking at me with familiar enticement
Dressed up in pheromones and endorphins
With all the charisma of a red carpet return
I have not forgotten how fickle you are
How you overstayed your welcome
How you left me heartbroken
I don't trust you
You're too good at feeling good
I forget too easily how you are besties with misery
Stop looking at me with eyes that want to know me
Stop looking at me with eyes that want
Stop attempting to pull me into your gravity
I do not trust I can break free again
I don't want to have to break free again
Don't you understand you are not safe for me
Don't you understand I need to feel safe
I do not trust myself in your presence
I am scared, you see
You see, I am scarred
So very scared
So very scarred
The last time I let you stay
Nearly dismantled me
So no
Do not leave one speck of dirt on my doormat
I beg you to to forget where I live
I do not want your false promises
I do not want you to be seen by you
Your attention has cost me too much
And I'm still in debt for it

-gws

Celluloid God

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I hope God is like Alanis Morissette in Dogma
Child-like and irreverent
Joyous and delighting
Completely aware of and careful with her power

I hope God is an every-man like in Joan of Arcadia
The janitor or bus driver
The gym teacher or barista
The stranger we choose to see and who sees us in return

I hope God is like George Burns in Oh, God!
Humorously enigmatic and witty
Persistent and plain
A pleasant old man testing the boundaries of faith

I hope God is a cast of many players
Everyone of them divinely human
For we are no less God than God is us
Each of us part of the other in the oneness and wonder of all things

-gws

Red

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Roses and rust and rivulets of blood
Rubies and robins and radiant flame
Victory red lipstick of defiance
Red flesh of cool plums in summer
Winking red of garnet facets in grandmothers' rings
Washington Reds hanging from autumn apple trees
Red hand prints representing the missing and murdered
Blinking red lights lining dark empty streets
Red dresses whipping and swirling to tango on stages
Crisp red uniforms of Beefeaters on guard
Red sports cars cruising the streets of LA
Cardinal red of Stanford Sports
Crimson Red and Columbia Blue of my high school
Cherry red inside a pie
Glossy candy apple red
Ripe red strawberries perfuming summer picnics
Enflamed red of flushed cheeks
Sacred menses red
Red haze of rage blurring vision
Bruised red of kissed lips
Fruit punch red staining faces
Watermelon red dripping from hands
Red wine glowing in glasses
Berries bright red in winter snow

-gws

Anxiety Dream

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What is happening in my head
That I have dreams that I must wed
Oh what a dream to cause me dread
While I was tucked up in my bed

My dream reflects my feelings deep
That swirl and churn while I'm asleep
Such anxiety does darkly steep
Like vicious shadows slink and creep

And in the morning light I wake
All too aware of my mistakes
Afraid the wrong path I may take
So precious are the things at stake

So ground I must so I achieve
A state of peace I can believe
My anxiety for now relieved
Now in a state of calm reprieve

-gws

How Do You Manage Alone

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I am the fourth daughter to do it alone
Independence and survival are in my DNA
Only child to a single mother
Only granddaughter amongst the cousins
Only kid on my block
I have lived in comfortable aloneness most of my life
Do not believe I do not get lonely
I know how to remedy loneliness
Trusted family
Tribe
Are always a keystroke or "hello" away

I'd prefer to have a partner
To help me raise and support my children
But not at the cost of my independence
My independence is foundational in my peace
If I cannot retain my independent spirit
I cannot sustain my sense of self
I need a partner who walks alongside me
Who understands that I need to run in my wildness
Who does not try to domesticate me
Into something less than myself

Aloneness is not absence or lack
It is the space where I meet myself
It is the door to my Narnia
The place where unfettered dreams thrive
Where words waltz in ballgowns and tails
Where stories bloom from rich soil
Where I sit in conversation with discomfort
Where I sit in conversation with my gods
It is the garden of my delights
And it is as precious to me as air

How do I manage alone you ask
I understand that I'm never really alone
I'm as alone as I choose to be
I'm helped as much as I choose to ask for it
It is not as perfect or simple as these stanzas may imply
But the essence of my truth is here
Simplified
Distilled into a comprehensible version
Of my vast and complex reality
A demonstration of shifting perspective
Being alone carries so much oppressive connotation
I choose to experience it as a necessary liberation
Allowing me to navigate life by my own north star
Inspiring me to never lose sight of myself again

-gws

Buffets

I don’t know what I’m doing 
I don’t know how to adult
Waking up everyday to
Some new unknown challenge
I’ve been told that God doesn’t
Give you more than you can handle
They don’t tell you God lays out
A buffet of mild to spicy experiences
I don’t think I’m a fan of buffets

-gws