Remember how it was before When I confidently walked through my life Believing in a future full of infinite possibilities Idealistic and self-possessed Inspired and free to manifest the life I desired Never apologizing for the joyousness of my nature Never apologizing for my independence and adventurousness Never apologizing
Such a contrast with who I would embody for too long Cowed and questing to find the right key That would unlock your love for the me I was before The me that I thought you cherished The me that was once upon a time enough I remember how it was before I am on a journey back to myself The version of me that resembles the echos of my unscarred self Together we will offer an apology to the me that was before A reclamation of what I thought was lost And I will be a wonder again
She’s not beautiful She’s a bloodied beast A bold, brassy, badass Bravely battling brash bandits Bone-weary from the bullshit Burdened and burnt out Building a budding new self Walking away from brutality Becoming balanced Banishing bad habits from her bones Barefoot upon the earth and beaming Beginning a brand new bountiful life
Inside her dreaming, I see her Hurting Lost Grieving Bags beneath her eyes from haunted or missing sleep Furrowed brows from innumerable worries Her will shaken and unsure I know her well for she is me Me ensconced in endings and beginnings Me inelegantly navigating transition
The magic of dreaming grants me this opportunity I approach her My hair more silvered My face more textured My heart glowing warm with a joy for living That felt so unreachable then
"Hello," I say
She composes herself and silently greets me in return
"I hope you don't mind, you look like you could use a friend."
She inhales unsteadily and motions for me to sit We look out at the passing world Quiet for an indistinguishable amount of time
"It will not always feel this way," I say
I take her hand in mine She does not resist
"Do you remember when your children were babies?"
She nods slowly Eyes unfocused as she touches the memories
"Do you remember the nights that felt so long? The marathon of survival that was three babies under three?"
She nods again with a slight smile Alighting at the corner of her lips as she remembers
"It felt like forever until you one day realized You could sleep through the night. You could establish routines. You could start making time for yourself In bigger and bigger doses."
She exhales Her shoulders lowering a bit
"This journey is just like that one. Unpredictable and exhausting. Endless in the moment. Overwhelming."
She looks at her hand in mine and nods I wrap my other around our clasped hands
"This will not last forever. You will find your way off your knees As the weight of this slowly lifts from you. You will relinquish your worry. Your grief will fade to make room for joy. You will learn to trust yourself again. You will learn to trust others again. Do not get too lost in your sadness. Navigate moments of laughter and lightness Like stepping stones amongst the mud. Let them light up your eyes and relax your shoulders. Let them propel you through your days Until you are no longer keeping track of days. Just like those early times in motherhood You will awaken to find yourself on the other side. Changed. Renewed. Rebuilt. Ready to welcome joy and love and freedom willingly. The fog and pain will clear as passing storms do. This I can promise you."
She looks up into my face Eyes searching mine as I smile and squeeze her hand I watch as a tiny light returns to her tear-filled eyes
"How do you know?" she whispers
I pull her hand to my heart.
"Because I have seen you do it. I have witnessed you rise from these ashes. I know how powerful and radiant you will emerge."
As dreams do when truth is revealed The edges of this world begin to dissolve like chalk in rain The light of recognition begins to glow in her eyes As I release her hand and stand I step in amongst the other passersby of her dreamscape My message conveyed My job done A voice from her future left to linger in her dreaming Placing a north star in the sky of her darkest night
Practice deep curiosity Not just about me About EVERYTHING!
Be emotionally intelligent Especially about yourself
Dream Imagine
Never forget how to look at me Like I'm the North Star
Want me to write books of poetry about How you and me equals us
Dance with me to the rhythm of our heartbeats
Enjoy staying up into the quiet hours Discussing obscure and wonderful things
Willingly and gently hold space for me Be okay with being, and being with quiet company
Give and receive love in spontaneous small gestures
Own your imperfections gracefully Own your mistakes openly
Love me fiercely and without chains
Hunt for magic in the world Create magic in its absence
Play for the sake of it
Respect me in thought, word, and deed Honor me by dancing in the light of all my Shining diamond facets I'll do the same for you
Desire to embrace a prismatic life
Whatever is left undefined here Treat as an opportunity to dive deeper Learn more Know me better I am bottomless An endless landscape to explore
Be willing to be broken open I want to run my mind over every square inch of your soul Commit to memory the scars life has left on your heart So that I may know how to navigate your rough waters
I want to listen to the meanderings of your inner child
I want to know you in 360 degrees And three dimensions
Be brave enough to shine light into your shadows Unashamed because you understand How important healing oneself is
Be secure in my transparency
Be like stained glass Brilliantly and complexly designed Beautiful and translucent
Know that love is a lifetime conversation A dance that never ends Shifting and changing Gracefully synchronized
The prerequisites for loving me properly May sound unachievable But to the right person It will sound like a revelation
I looked out from the promontory of life Across a vast hinterland The turbid quagmire miles behind me The frisson of trepidation abated for now I wish to tracklessly caper in those hinterlands Beneath a lustrous azure sky Vesuvian days released to the past Gossamer hopes eddy about me like a corolla Hopes of enduring eudaemonia No longer needing to latibulate in darkness Before me stands my Elysian dreams Filled with halcyon days And tranquil gloamings I will alight in a new and unblemished existence A ruderal redeemed Awaiting rich and fertile soil of a new life Under the radiant zenith of a new day
-gws
In more common language:
I look out from the overlook of life Across a vast unknown The confusing, unstable ground behind me The sudden fear of trepidation abated for now I wish to tracklessly revel in those unknown lands Beneath a shining blue sky Explosive, volatile days released to the past Delicate hopes whirl about me like the swirl at the heart of a flower Hopes of enduring happiness No longer needing to hide in a corner in darkness Before me stands my dreams of paradise Filled with idyllically happy and prosperous days And tranquil twilights I will land and settle in a new and unblemished existence A plant growing amongst the concrete redeemed Awaiting rich and fertile soil of a new life Under the radiant height of a new day
He was a brown-eyed boy Freckles on his cheeks He shared his gummy Coke bottles And always picked me to play at recess He was a little misunderstood But not by me I saw him as kindred He helped transform the gray playground Into space ships and fantastical landscapes It didn't matter I was an icky girl Or that he was a yucky boy He was comfortable with me And I with him My heart broke when he moved away I never meant to lose contact but we did We found each other for a minute Just after high school He sent me a letter and a picture A man's version of the freckled face I once knew Adorned in dress blues I think I responded too enthusiastically I never got another letter And my heart broke a second time I hope that wherever he is He is happy A brown-eyed boy With freckles on his cheeks Sharing gummy Coke bottles With someone he loves
Curtains of branches and leaves cascade to the ground Creating a sanctuary for childhood dreams beneath The somber sway of weeping willows Hides from common eyes the magical worlds they held for me I made friends of willow trees The trees of my childhood spoke to me They greeted me every time I played in their park There are less of them today But a few still stand Providing mystical playgrounds for new children I wave hello to those trees when I pass them by Hoping they remember the little girl who loved them so well And always will
You gave me scars deep below my skin So I keyed this poem into your car A parting gift A reminder of the damage you've caused Easier to repair than what you did to me
Words Wishes and Wisdom 