My significant other
Is more other than significant now
I wish I felt better about this fact
I do not miss the now of him
I’m still in love with the then of him
When love knocks you can never know
The beauty or horror in its entourage
You believe love can conquer all
And learn that love is often not enough
My significant other left
A significant mark on me
That is hardly insignificant
-gws
You refused to take responsibility
So I accepted it instead
Until the day I found
You in someone else’s bed
You didn’t do the right thing
You clutched your pearls and said,
“If only you had been the wife
You promised when we wed”
At first I shrank around the wound
Thinking you were right
Believing that it may be true
That I’d been a lousy wife
I thought of all the arguments
That were constant in our life
The years of ugly, cutting blame
The insistence you were right
But then the rage came rushing in
You would gaslight me no more
I said that you were full of shit
And kicked you out the door
I realized I had done my part
In holding up my vow
It was you who failed on every front
I’d not be blamed right now
You made choices on your own
Now I have made some too
So hit the road, you selfish prick
Gaslighting days are through
-gws
Holding hands in matching rockers
Laughing about when we were young
You reminiscing about record stores and ska shows
As I tell our grandchildren tales of magic
Spending our sunset days in loving conversations
Each other's best bestie
Strolling into the ever after that follows the happily
-gws
Everyone who has ever loved you
Have put their hands up and
Taken a step back
Now they are looking at me
Wondering if now is when
I will finally do the same
-gws
Every step I take I'm stomping on eggshells They cover the landscape of this relationship Like unexploded landmines after a war The book explained it It explained you It explained us Or More specifically Why there is no air between us Why there is no peace between us Why there is little hope for us The book However Didn't tell me what I could do about it What I should do about it The only peace it gave was that The immobility was a real side effect The difficulty breathing Being Living Leaving That feeling stuck was normal It isn't a failing But a reflection of the deeply difficult Existence of living with Loving Trying to love Being loved by Being hated by Being loved by Being resented by Being loved by Being shamed by Being loved by Being eviscerated by Being loved by Being devastated by A person with a personality disorder gws
You were never mine You were too transient to be considered mine Too non-committal But you attached yourself to me anyway You kept coming back to knock on my door And I kept letting you in You wouldn't let go of me Though you didn't really want me And I was too blind Trusting Hopeful to acknowledge the truth I knew in my bones That I'd never be enough for you Because you didn't know what enough felt like You were a bottomless pit of need that could not seem to be filled I kept pouring into you Until I was empty And it wasn't enough I always found ways of putting pennies in your cup While mine lay abandoned and empty at our feet Both of us left hungry and growling Snapping and swiping at each other Bloody Broken Damaged Miserable And for God knows what reason Still unable to let go I wished you had just let me go And that I let you -gws
I need fire Passion Excitement I need curiosity and Deep conversations in dark corners Long walks in nature in comfortable silence I need art And dance And song And philosophy I need magic And mystery And unicorns I need amazing dinners Fancy cocktails And whispered secrets over candlelit tables I need rainy day cuddles Pillow fights And breakfasts in bed I need blanket forts And favorite movies with popcorn And taking turns reading The Princess Bride out loud for the hundredth time I need surprise ice cream breakfasts Slow dancing in the kitchen And long, involved conversations about our individual dreams I need connection Of mind And of spirit If you want to love me I need you to See me Hear me Give me room to stretch, explore and grow And you will be rewarded with experiencing the world As the magical adventure I know it to be -gws
You ask what can you do Nothing You can do nothing How can you offer what you do not have How can you heal what you cannot perceive How can you give comfort I speak with ghosts as you lay next to me So I can remember what it feels like to be seen To be understood in a way you are incapable of I don't know if you will ever be capable of learning to love me In all of the deeply intricate ways that I need Not If you can't learn to see me for who and what I actually am -gws
Where I end is not where you begin
It's where the space between us lives
The space where we both can stretch and breathe as individuals
It's the space where my dreams manifest
The space where my thoughts untangle
The space where my mind gives birth to the words manifested as my heart beats
This is a sacred space for me
My moat
My wall
My well worn path in front of my garden gate
Where I end is not where you begin
It is the absence which makes the heart grow fonder
The place where longing pushes up blooms of desire
It is the ocean between our continents with endless depths to explore and mysteries to discover
It is the chapter break between each new story we write
It is the fence that protects us from each others' demons
It is the tower spire where we can see each others' kingdoms
It is the bridge over the pond whose shores we share
Where I end is not where you begin
It is the picnic blanket we sit on beneath oak branches on an early autumn day
The breeze dancing between words read aloud under an azure sky to a soundtrack of busy bees
It is the place where we stand eye to eye
It is the place my voice crosses to reach your ears and yours crosses to reach mine
It is the space where the music plays that we dance to
It is a precious space that hosts the alchemy which manifests where our boundaries touch
It is the breath
The heartbeat
The sigh
The birthplace of connection
The space where I end is not where you being
It is the holy place held by two individuals to nourish one partnership
If it is smothered, it's bounty cannot grow
And the relationship will whither and die from lack of air and light
Hold the space
Honor the space
Tend your boarders and I will tend mine
And we might just produce something prismatic and beautiful
In the space between you and me
-gws
"In the end, you cannot save what does not want to be saved."
"When the pain is greater than the fear, you will know what to do."
Every time your resentments flow like tidal waves
I drown in a truth that is brighter than the sun
You didn’t want this life
You didn’t want me
You thought by choosing me you were…
...making right on the injuries you inflicted
...picking the girl who would be steady and sure
...thumbing your nose at your conservative parents
...proving something to your sisters
...doing what was expected of you by your family and society
...doing what you expected of yourself
You might have loved me once
But you don’t know how to love yourself
And unless you can love yourself
You cannot love anyone else
And we all suffer
You
Me
The kids
In trying to manifest some imagined expectation you believe the world burdened you with
You have doomed us to a hollow, lonely existence
In the darkest moments, I sometimes wish you had never come back
After you walked away all those years ago
I sometimes think the man I fell in love with never returned
You went out for bread and just never came back
Only your demons returned wearing your face
Time has not been kind to us
Nor has it bred kindness in us
Though I think I really tried
But the steel in your eye and the edge in your voice
As you lay down my assigned crimes in a quiet growl
Eviscerates me over and over for
The crimes of a world that doesn't adhere to your desires
It hurts to love you
And I don’t know if I have it in me to continue to try
I am drinking sand in the desert for lack of water
And I am withering inside
So just admit that I am not what you wanted
I am what you thought you should have
A requirement on the test of Life
That allowed you to check the box of successful adulthood
"Hurt people, hurt people," I've heard it said
You are a drowning man who is blindly flailing
Endangering or scaring off those who might help
I accept your life's injury and pain
But I do not accept responsibility for it
And I cannot continue to endure your wrath to heal you
"In the end, you cannot save what does not want to be saved."
"When the pain is greater than the fear, you will know what to do."
-gws
Words Wishes and Wisdom 