Do you see me?
I’m here!
Over here!
Please look my way.
Right now, if you will.
I need to be seen.
Am I loud enough?
Am I bouncy enough?
Am I doing enough to draw you into me?
I need to be reminded I am important to someone.
To you.
Right now.
My inner child is screaming for recognition.
Just acknowledge me and I promise I will relax.
That feels good.
Thank you.
Wait.
How about a little more?
Wait, don’t go back to what you were doing.
I still crave your attention.
I still am desperate for validation.
I still need.
I still need.
I still need…
-gws
What do you do when you're bone-weary
When your soul is exhausted and all you want to do is cry
What do you do when you reflect on where you are
And you just can't quite understand how the hell you got there
What do you do when no choice seems like a good one
When all your efforts feel like they still end in defeat
What do you do when you feel like it's time to give up
But you're sure your gut is still saying, "just a little longer"
What do you do when you don't think you have more to give
When you don't think you have it in you to keep finding a path through
What do you do when all you know is fight
But all you want is peace
What do you do when you don't know what to do
-gws
He washed up on my shores
Broken and ravaged
I offered water and bread
I offered a place at my fire
He attended with gratitude
And we became friends
But the dark water festered
Shadowing his eyes
Corrupting his heart
And no love or attendance from me could cure him
He had to cure himself
I tended the fire and fed his body
And held vigil while he fought for his soul
-gws
I am a work in progress
I may be broken, and I can be mended
I may be grieving, and I can feel joy
I may be frightened, and I can be brave
I am a radiant light carried by a vessel made of water and earth
Though I make mistakes, I learn
Though I resent, I release
Though I judge, I reflect
I am moldable, flexible, evolutionary
In my capability to navigate change
The me of yesterday informs the me of today
And the me of today lays the ground for the me of tomorrow
Grateful each day is a blank page
Awaiting the narrative of my own creation
Limited only by my own imagination
-gws
My body does not behave like yours
It does not look like yours
React like yours
Respond like yours
Hurt or heal like yours
It tolerates heat, touch, illness, medication differently than yours
This body is not yours
It is mine
It is my home
My vessel
My temple
It is my conveyance through this life
It is the only thing that is one hundred percent mine
And no pen or opinion of another being
Has a right to intervene in my agency over it
-gws
I will be brave in the face of my fears
For scarier than failure is regret
I am no more guaranteed to fail than I am to succeed
It is the journey that will forge and shape my next self
And it is in knowing the result
Whatever it may be
That will allow me to travel from this life
With a smile upon my lips
And satisfaction in my heart
Because I was brave enough to try
-gws
Once upon a time, there was a young woman full of bright hot rage. If she could have burned the world, she would have. The young woman couldn't function in the world in this state so she shoved down the rage. She stuffed it into the darkest, most secure space in her soul. The trouble was that the hot, acid rage ate away at its container. The young woman could feel hints of the corrosion. Sometimes the rage would escape, like a coronal eruption, flaring fierce and hot, leaving the young woman devastated and trying to pick up the pieces left behind in the aftermath. One day, the woman wasn't quite young anymore. The wound that housed the rage showed in her eyes in the mirror. It slipped from her lips as resentments. It cramped her hands into fists in her sleep. It tasted bitter in her mouth, and started fragmenting her damaged soul. One day, she grabbed her keys and just started walking. She walked with tears in her eyes and sobs in her chest until she found herself in an open space. In that open space, she laid down on her back, looked to the sky, and she screamed. She raged and wailed at the sky, emptying herself of all the bitterness that had filled her up and overflowed the hollow space in her soul. She let all of it go. She gave it to her god with desperation, and prayed to know how to heal. Her higher power led her to others who knew her pain. Those people welcomed her without judgement, and offered her twelve small steps that lead her to a new experience: serenity.
-gws
I am only in control of my choices and reactions
I accept that I am not my own higher power
I recognize that in order to begin to experience serenity I must accept that I am powerless over people places and things
I will be present in the understanding that "Thy will be done"
I know your hand guides my life through all joys and hardships
I have experienced many times the presence of your influence when I choose to believe that you have y back through any storm
You have never failed to provide and lead me to gentler shores
I ask you to oversee my journey through the twelve steps
Please continue to place me where I can be taught by the experience, strength, and hope of others who have walked the path of recovery, both before and after me
Continue to help me grow and to learn how to care about myself and take care of myself when the chaos of others bangs on my door looking to disrupt my hard earned serenity
Help me to be open to truly discovering and uncovering more about myself
Help me be brave in the face of hard truths
Help me to be brave enough to be true to myself when fear motivates old patterns in my behavoir
Help me remember how to show up as my best self or to forgive myself when I don't
Guide me from step to step and from day to day as I practice what I am learning on this journey
Help me walk honestly and to be vulnerable when appropriate
Use my voice to help others when I share my experiences
Place me in the time and place that I am needed and that I need
Be the gateway that marks my path to a new way of living and continue to speak loudly in my life as you always have
Help me to remember you are always beside me, even in the darkest despair
You are always the light of hope that reminds me it cannot always be night
I surrender to your loving will and plan for my life
I am only in control of my choices and reactions
I accept that I am not my own higher power
I recognize that in order to begin to experience serenity I must accept that I am powerless over people places and things
I will be present in the understanding that "Thy will be done"
I know your hand guides my life through all joys and hardships
I have experienced many times the presence of your influence when I choose to believe that you have y back through any storm
You have never failed to provide and lead me to gentler shores
I ask you to oversee my journey through the twelve steps
Please continue to place me where I can be taught by the experience, strength, and hope of others who have walked the path of recovery, both before and after me
Continue to help me grow and to learn how to care about myself and take care of myself when the chaos of others bangs on my door looking to disrupt my hard earned serenity
Help me to be open to truly discovering and uncovering more about myself
Help me be brave in the face of hard truths
Help me to be brave enough to be true to myself when fear motivates old patterns in my behavoir
Help me remember how to show up as my best self or to forgive myself when I don't
Guide me from step to step and from day to day as I practice what I am learning on this journey
Help me walk honestly and to be vulnerable when appropriate
Use my voice to help others when I share my experiences
Place me in the time and place that I am needed and that I need
Be the gateway that marks my path to a new way of living and continue to speak loudly in my life as you always have
Help me to remember you are always beside me, even in the darkest despair
You are always the light of hope that reminds me it cannot always be night
I surrender to your loving will and plan for my life
-gws
Please excuse the mess
This house is under construction
Held together by scotch tape and string
The foundation is rotten and weak
And there are bats in the attack
Making a terrible mess of things
At least the curtains are nice
-gws
