"You are kind and show such grace." Thanks, but my self control does not erase That I'll still punch you in the face I practice gratitude To alter my attitude And manage the triggers that ruin my mood So just because I choose to invoke A gag order upon my own throat Know that I am no joke You will find my manner is mild But don't get it twisted, Child I am still raging and wild -gws
It is said healing is not linear. My healing journey must be the most intense roller coaster ever constructed. -gws
"In the end, you cannot save what does not want to be saved."
"When the pain is greater than the fear, you will know what to do."
Every time your resentments flow like tidal waves
I drown in a truth that is brighter than the sun
You didn’t want this life
You didn’t want me
You thought by choosing me you were…
...making right on the injuries you inflicted
...picking the girl who would be steady and sure
...thumbing your nose at your conservative parents
...proving something to your sisters
...doing what was expected of you by your family and society
...doing what you expected of yourself
You might have loved me once
But you don’t know how to love yourself
And unless you can love yourself
You cannot love anyone else
And we all suffer
You
Me
The kids
In trying to manifest some imagined expectation you believe the world burdened you with
You have doomed us to a hollow, lonely existence
In the darkest moments, I sometimes wish you had never come back
After you walked away all those years ago
I sometimes think the man I fell in love with never returned
You went out for bread and just never came back
Only your demons returned wearing your face
Time has not been kind to us
Nor has it bred kindness in us
Though I think I really tried
But the steel in your eye and the edge in your voice
As you lay down my assigned crimes in a quiet growl
Eviscerates me over and over for
The crimes of a world that doesn't adhere to your desires
It hurts to love you
And I don’t know if I have it in me to continue to try
I am drinking sand in the desert for lack of water
And I am withering inside
So just admit that I am not what you wanted
I am what you thought you should have
A requirement on the test of Life
That allowed you to check the box of successful adulthood
"Hurt people, hurt people," I've heard it said
You are a drowning man who is blindly flailing
Endangering or scaring off those who might help
I accept your life's injury and pain
But I do not accept responsibility for it
And I cannot continue to endure your wrath to heal you
"In the end, you cannot save what does not want to be saved."
"When the pain is greater than the fear, you will know what to do."
-gws
Do you see me? I’m here! Over here! Please look my way. Right now, if you will. I need to be seen. Am I loud enough? Am I bouncy enough? Am I doing enough to draw you into me? I need to be reminded I am important to someone. To you. Right now. My inner child is screaming for recognition. Just acknowledge me and I promise I will relax. That feels good. Thank you. Wait. How about a little more? Wait, don’t go back to what you were doing. I still crave your attention. I still am desperate for validation. I still need. I still need. I still need… -gws
What do you do when you're bone-weary When your soul is exhausted and all you want to do is cry What do you do when you reflect on where you are And you just can't quite understand how the hell you got there What do you do when no choice seems like a good one When all your efforts feel like they still end in defeat What do you do when you feel like it's time to give up But you're sure your gut is still saying, "just a little longer" What do you do when you don't think you have more to give When you don't think you have it in you to keep finding a path through What do you do when all you know is fight But all you want is peace What do you do when you don't know what to do -gws
He washed up on my shores Broken and ravaged I offered water and bread I offered a place at my fire He attended with gratitude And we became friends But the dark water festered Shadowing his eyes Corrupting his heart And no love or attendance from me could cure him He had to cure himself I tended the fire and fed his body And held vigil while he fought for his soul -gws
I am a work in progress I may be broken, and I can be mended I may be grieving, and I can feel joy I may be frightened, and I can be brave I am a radiant light carried by a vessel made of water and earth Though I make mistakes, I learn Though I resent, I release Though I judge, I reflect I am moldable, flexible, evolutionary In my capability to navigate change The me of yesterday informs the me of today And the me of today lays the ground for the me of tomorrow Grateful each day is a blank page Awaiting the narrative of my own creation Limited only by my own imagination -gws
My body does not behave like yours It does not look like yours React like yours Respond like yours Hurt or heal like yours It tolerates heat, touch, illness, medication differently than yours This body is not yours It is mine It is my home My vessel My temple It is my conveyance through this life It is the only thing that is one hundred percent mine And no pen or opinion of another being Has a right to intervene in my agency over it -gws
I will be brave in the face of my fears For scarier than failure is regret I am no more guaranteed to fail than I am to succeed It is the journey that will forge and shape my next self And it is in knowing the result Whatever it may be That will allow me to travel from this life With a smile upon my lips And satisfaction in my heart Because I was brave enough to try -gws
I am the master of my reactions my attitude my perspective my free will and nothing else -gws
Words Wishes and Wisdom 