Before I enter my “Healed Woman” era I must detour into my “Villain” era You see… I was cast in the villain role for so long I might as well embrace the casting for a term With that said… Do not be concerned at my black wardrobe My blood red lips Do not pay mind to my near silent mumbling As I light candles and cast salt about Fret not over my narrowed, focused eyes Rimmed in thick black liner As I observe and calculate my options Do not wonder about the herb-coated offerings Laid out beneath the full moon None of it is your concern Cross the street Avert your gaze Do not trouble yourself wondering in my direction I’m embracing my dark side Doing my shadow work If my shadow is meant to fall upon you You will know
When you came into my life You promised to be my everything You destroyed everything instead My hopes My dreams My confidence My joy My ability to love you My ability to love me So I made sure to take everything When I left
Slow to emerge from the long shadows And still brushing off the cobwebs of shame, doubt, and fear I begin to wonder what awaits me Who awaits me
The question nauseates me I'm not ready to open my heart Nor do I expect to be ready any time soon And yet I find myself wondering Will there be another My heart fearfully whispering, "Will I get a second chance?"
I'm not ready to fall in love again I am only longing for the magic of falling The elation that comes from feeling seen Feeling chosen Because all I wanted for so long Was to feel chosen To be enough
I am working to remember how to love me How to be enough for myself How to appreciate my perfect imperfections How to forgive the choices I made to survive I must become reacquainted with me
My future is tabula rasa Full of possibilities Bursting with opportunity to craft a life I want to live And blessed with time to heal from a life I endured I embrace my next chapter gratefully Even as my knees quake with each step forward
My blank slate has its first word: freedom Its second word: peace I think that's a beautiful place for a new story to start
I have coated my boundaries in sacred salt Saged the walls of my mind Served healing teas to my soul Soaked my dreams in moon water Calmed my spirits with lavender sachets
I have removed the “welcome” mat from my doorstep Hung a horseshoe above my threshold Covered my aura in layers of steel Cut the cord with silver shears All to reclaim myself from you
Remember how it was before When I confidently walked through my life Believing in a future full of infinite possibilities Idealistic and self-possessed Inspired and free to manifest the life I desired Never apologizing for the joyousness of my nature Never apologizing for my independence and adventurousness Never apologizing
Such a contrast with who I would embody for too long Cowed and questing to find the right key That would unlock your love for the me I was before The me that I thought you cherished The me that was once upon a time enough I remember how it was before I am on a journey back to myself The version of me that resembles the echos of my unscarred self Together we will offer an apology to the me that was before A reclamation of what I thought was lost And I will be a wonder again
She’s not beautiful She’s a bloodied beast A bold, brassy, badass Bravely battling brash bandits Bone-weary from the bullshit Burdened and burnt out Building a budding new self Walking away from brutality Becoming balanced Banishing bad habits from her bones Barefoot upon the earth and beaming Beginning a brand new bountiful life
