Category: Abuse/Struggle

There are Days I’m Not Ok

Photo by cottonbro studio on Pexels.com
There are days I’m not ok
Or hours
Or minutes 
Or breaths
The doubt suffocating 
Grief a scream locked deep in my chest
I am reminded I am making the right choices 
Shown proof of it again and again 
Did you know the right things can
Sometimes feel so terribly wrong

Sometimes the fear rises
The paralyzing fear of all the ugliness 
I so desperately seek freedom from 
You never believe you’re conditioned 
To feel you deserve abuse until you are
Until your stomach drops as the energy changes
And your breathing quickens 
And you start calculating how bad their rage will be this time

Words bruise so much worse than fists
The self doubt stripping your confidence 
The gaslighting destabilizing reality despite 
Your inner voice calling out the lies in all of it
Knowing that there is no defense when you
Are forced to wear the badge of victimizer
Despite being the real victim
Because it makes them feel powerful and justified
Emotional abuse is a mind fuck of the worst degree
And some people make a career of the art of it

In this breath
This minute 
This hour
This day 
I am not ok
They say I will be someday 

-gws
@wordswishesandwisdom

Happy NaPoWriMo! Here’s my Day 10 poem called There Are Days I’m Not Ok (TW: abuse) #poetry #wordsmithing #poem #writer #wordswishesandwisdom #poet #poetsoftiktok #poetryTok #NaPoWriMo #NaPoWriMo2024 #poetryreading

♬ Ambient-style emotional piano – MoppySound

Generational Trauma

Do onto others as you wish to be done onto
This is the call
Cast off the shackles of
Abuse
Neglect
Mistreatment 
Harm
The scars that mar your ancestors 
The scars that mar you
The greatest gift given in life
Free will 
Wield it like a craftsman 
Hold it like a pen and
Rewrite your story 
Erase the patterns from your pages
Show your children that you
Can reshape the stars in the sky
Show them how to heal in the light of the moon
And the bright beacon of day
No future is written in stone 
No fate inevitable 
Let it begin here
By deciding the pain of the past 
Ends here

-gws
@wordswishesandwisdom

Happy NaPoWriMo! Here’s my Day 5 poem called Generational Trauma. #poetry #wordsmithing #poem #writer #wordswishesandwisdom #poet #poetsoftiktok #poetryTok #NaPoWriMo #NaPoWriMo2024 #poetryreading

♬ Metamorphosis – David Clavijo

Liminal State

I exist in a liminal state
A being 
And not a being

Grief ebbs and flows in king tides
Emptying me
Submerging me
Stealing away my breath
With its pressure changes
Feelings grow in question marks
Within my hollow chest
Proliferating like fungus in the fall
Inside of my being that is not a being

Emptiness overflowing with nothingness
Destruction and restoration
Warring to fill the immeasurable void
Shaped like my cremated heart
Pulsing with unfathomable aching
Testing the tolerances of 
My being that is not a being

It is surreal to be and not be
To experience the reality of the question 
Posed by Master Shakespeare 
In rhyme and sonnet so long ago
To understand that one can be both
A being and not a being

-gws
@wordswishesandwisdom

Happy NaPoWriMo! Here’s my Day 2 poem called Liminal State. #poetry #wordsmithing #poem #writer #wordswishesandwisdom #poet #poetsoftiktok #poetryTok #NaPoWriMo #NaPoWriMo2024 #poetryreading

♬ Serenity – Hariseno