Category: Divorce

Gaslighting

You refused to take responsibility 
So I accepted it instead
Until the day I found 
You in someone else’s bed

You didn’t do the right thing
You clutched your pearls and said,
“If only you had been the wife
You promised when we wed”

At first I shrank around the wound
Thinking you were right
Believing that it may be true
That I’d been a lousy wife

I thought of all the arguments 
That were constant in our life
The years of ugly, cutting blame
The insistence you were right

But then the rage came rushing in
You would gaslight me no more
I said that you were full of shit
And kicked you out the door

I realized I had done my part
In holding up my vow
It was you who failed on every front
I’d not be blamed right now

You made choices on your own
Now I have made some too
So hit the road, you selfish prick
Gaslighting days are through 

-gws

Tabula Rasa

My future is tabula rasa
Full of possibilities

Slow to emerge from the long shadows 
And still brushing off the cobwebs of shame, doubt, and fear
I begin to wonder what awaits me
Who awaits me

The question nauseates me
I'm not ready to open my heart
Nor do I expect to be ready any time soon
And yet I find myself wondering 
Will there be another 
My heart fearfully whispering,
"Will I get a second chance?"

I'm not ready to fall in love again
I am only longing for the magic of falling
The elation that comes from feeling seen
Feeling chosen
Because all I wanted for so long 
Was to feel chosen
To be enough

I am working to remember how to love me
How to be enough for myself
How to appreciate my perfect imperfections
How to forgive the choices I made to survive
I must become reacquainted with me

My future is tabula rasa
Full of possibilities
Bursting with opportunity to craft a life I want to live
And blessed with time to heal from a life I endured
I embrace my next chapter gratefully
Even as my knees quake with each step forward

My blank slate has its first word: freedom
Its second word: peace
I think that's a beautiful place for a new story to start

-gws

Your Couch

I stabbed the fuck out of your couch
‘Cause I was tired of your mouth 
It was always telling lies
All backtracking and denials

I drank up a fifth instead
To drown the demons in my head
First I screamed and then I cried
At how you betrayed your bride

I stabbed the fuck out of your couch
‘Cause I was tired of your mouth 
It was always telling lies
All backtracking and denials

Oh yeah, my rage was quite obscene 
No tears could ease the wicked sting
Its brown leather old and scarred
The choice wasn’t all that hard 

I stabbed the fuck out of your couch
‘Cause I was tired of your mouth 
It was always telling lies
All backtracking and denials

So I plunged the blade right in
Then I repeated it again 
Better the couch than it was you
It was the worst that I could do 

I stabbed the fuck out of your couch
‘Cause I was tired of your mouth 
It was always telling lies
I’m out the door now, no goodbye

-gws

Remember How It Was Before

Remember how it was before
When I confidently walked through my life 
Believing in a future full of infinite possibilities
Idealistic and self-possessed
Inspired and free to manifest the life I desired
Never apologizing for the joyousness of my nature
Never apologizing for my independence and adventurousness
Never apologizing

Such a contrast with who I would embody for too long
Cowed and questing to find the right key
That would unlock your love for the me I was before
The me that I thought you cherished
The me that was once upon a time enough
I remember how it was before
I am on a journey back to myself
The version of me that resembles the echos of my unscarred self
Together we will offer an apology to the me that was before
A reclamation of what I thought was lost
And I will be a wonder again

-gws

I Hurt Just the Same

Photo by PhotoMIX Company on Pexels.com
I don't feel well today
Reverberating echos of broken dreams
Aching pervasive guilt
Persistent pointless hope
That will not stay snuffed out
Nothing is wrong
And I hurt just the same

I don't feel well today
The sun still rose in a misty pink sky
The flowers are blooming and busy with bees
Birds sing songs of spring awakening
Amongst the newly sprouted leaves
Nothing is wrong
And I hurt just the same

I don't feel well today
Warm afternoon sunlight dries tears
That slip from beneath my sunglasses
The world assaults my senses
Too loud, bright, fast
Nothing is wrong
And I hurt just the same

I don't feel well today
I am told that time heals
That I'm doing the right things
That I didn't cause it
I can't control or cure it
Nothing is wrong
And I hurt just the same

-gws