Category: Grief

Liminal State

I exist in a liminal state
A being 
And not a being

Grief ebbs and flows in king tides
Emptying me
Submerging me
Stealing away my breath
With its pressure changes
Feelings grow in question marks
Within my hollow chest
Proliferating like fungus in the fall
Inside of my being that is not a being

Emptiness overflowing with nothingness
Destruction and restoration
Warring to fill the immeasurable void
Shaped like my cremated heart
Pulsing with unfathomable aching
Testing the tolerances of 
My being that is not a being

It is surreal to be and not be
To experience the reality of the question 
Posed by Master Shakespeare 
In rhyme and sonnet so long ago
To understand that one can be both
A being and not a being

-gws
@wordswishesandwisdom

Happy NaPoWriMo! Here’s my Day 2 poem called Liminal State. #poetry #wordsmithing #poem #writer #wordswishesandwisdom #poet #poetsoftiktok #poetryTok #NaPoWriMo #NaPoWriMo2024 #poetryreading

♬ Serenity – Hariseno

Learn to Say Goodbye

I see the grief in your eyes
As the carefully crafted reality you made
Starts to fracture into a cascade of spiderwebs
The part of me that still loves you 
Wants to comfort you
Tell you that everything will be ok
But I cannot do that
This disillusionment is necessary
And being trapped inside your bell jar
Has nearly ended me
I will not forge you a new one with false hope
That I am still your refuge
Because this all must end
You must face the world
On the other side of the looking glass
The real world where the damage you have wrought
Lays exposed before you
A cold world where you are finally alone
My heart breaks because it didn't need to be this
I wanted to love you
I tried to
But you didn't know how to accept love
And you didn't know how to give love
Because you don't know how to love yourself
You don't know what healthy love feels like
I feel the grief in my heart as I watch you
Watch your world unravel
I mourn for both of us
For the future that will never be
For the past so full of pain
For the love we both deserved but
That couldn't survive your demons
I did love you
I loved you so much, so hard
I forgot how to love myself
I grieve for all we are letting go of
I grieve along side you
As my hand slips from yours
And we learn to say goodbye

-gws

My Nervous System Knows

Photo by RonaK PitambeR ChoudharY on Pexels.com
When vibrant joy sparks bitter tears
It means that too many years
Have been spent in emotional blight
That no jubilation can put to right

Like a cloud crossing the sun
Or a dissonant chord rung
When my heart swells and glows
My nervous system knows

That this joy will lead to grieving
My chest begins its heaving
Turning smiles into frowns
As the cortisol lets down

How long has this been so
I will not pretend to know
Like a candle smothered 
I unconsciously keep covered

That which makes me take up space
Before I can feel the grace
Of real joy in my blood
I dump it in the mud

I avoid the disappointment
Like a fly stuck in the ointment
I abandon my true will
When he sets on me that chill

And so I am now trained
That joy will end in pain
I know that I must mend
So the sun can shine again

-gws