I still hold the smallest flickering flame of hope
Smoldering painfully in my belly
I keep trying to stomp it out
Smother it
But it persists
Despite the obvious futility of its existence
It will not listen to reason
Will not extinguish beneath showers of bitter tears
I must endure it
Ignore it
Until it gutters and dies on its own
-gws
Speaking one’s truth is an act
Of rebellion
Of reclaiming
Of liberation
It is stepping into the light
After living in the dark for too long
It is my story to tell
And I will tell it as part of my healing
-gws
I am, now, trying to forgive myself for the choices I made while trying to survive
For staying long past the expiration date in a relationship that had long been toxic and rotten
I deserved bette
-gws
On this ordinary October day
I did my part to change the world
In a most extraordinary way
I voted
For who I hope will be
Our first woman president
With proud ancestors at my back
My children’s future cast before me
I released my grain of sand into the glass
To do my small part to move us forward
Towards a future the mothers preceding me
Could only hope to dream of
For their progeny
-gws
All of the anger
This hurt
This loss
This heartache
Was once love
You handled it
Roughly
Carelessly
Thoughtlessly
You returned it to me
A broken toy
Remorseless
While crying insult
From my lack of gratitude
At your “effort”
-gws
In honor of World Mental Health Day, I share the following guided mini-meditation.
Let’s start by having you sit with your feet flat on the ground with your back either straight or leaned comfortably against your seat.
Next, lay your hands relaxed in your lap, or you may place them against your stomach or the center of your chest if that feels more grounding for you. Now close your eyes.
Let’s start by bringing your attention to your breath. Your only task is to simply notice the air as it moves into and out of your lungs. Notice where your focus goes. Is it air moving in and out of your nostrils? The rise and fall of your chest? The expanding and contracting of your diaphragm? By connecting with our breath, we connect with our bodies and tap into our mind-body connections.
As you breathe, let your shoulders fall away from your ears. Move your tongue off the roof of your mouth, and relax your jaw. Feel tension flow from your body with every exhale.
Inhale peace. Exhale tension. Inhale peace. Exhale tension.
As you continue your gentle breathing, I want you to start visualizing you are looking in a mirror. The version of you looking back is the very best you. This could be a childhood version of you. You on a special day. It is you on any day when you have felt good in your skin. Look into your reflection with the same kindness and compassion you have for those you love most in your life. This person in the mirror deserves to be gifted that same love.
As you observe your reflection, you begin to reinforce three core beliefs in your mind:
You are worthy. You are worthy to receive and luxuriate in the same love and kindness you give freely to others. Breathe in your empowered worthiness, breathe out your dis-empowered feelings of lack as if they were so many dandelion seeds set free on the wind.
You are whole. You are not made up of fragments. You are, instead, a vibrant, faceted jewel of a human being. Breathe in your empowered completeness. Breathe out your dis-empowered feelings of brokenness as if they were so many bubbles set free in the wind.
You are enough. You must remember that you are a human being and not a human doing. You do not serve yourself or others pouring from an empty cup out of obligation. You deserve rest and replenishment from relentless expectations of others and yourself. Breathe in your empowered honoring of your limits. Breathe out your dis-empowered need to meet everyone else’s needs and release it like so much incense smoke curling away into the ether.
You are worthy.
You are whole.
You are enough.
As you continue breathing gently, noticing the air moving in and out, your reflection start to fade, as does the mirror. You feel yourself settling back in your body. You feel your feet on the floor. Your back against your chair. Continue your gentle breathing and when you’re ready, open your eyes and take with you into the world that:
You are worthy. You are whole. You are enough.
“My heart says, ‘I love him,’ and my mind tells me to keep running.”
This is the complex reality that no one can comprehend until they’ve been in it. It tears at my own mind, and I struggle to split one instinct from the other. To compartmentalize these dueling truths so I can continue to protect my peace.
-gws
Sometimes, I just want life to come with a full and complete set of instructions. No ambiguity. No need to interpretive dance to the result. Like…
Life: paint by numbers edition.
Anyone else, or is it just me?
-gws
Oh, how the tears fall
In the darkest of night
When hope has left us
With the dying of the light
The grief and the shame
Consume all they might
When hope has left us
With the dying of the light
Hold on to my hand
Grasp on to it tight
When hope has left us
With the dying of the light
It is anguish that grips us
With its devastating blight
When hope has left us
With the dying of the light
Remember, when dawn comes
How we survived this rite
When hope had left us
With the dying of the light
-gws
Grief is an unwelcome friend
Yet she calls just the same
She sits down right beside me
As she gently speaks my name
She offers me her open hand
Even though I flinch away
Grief’s lived this scene so many times
She knows that she must stay
I beg and plead for her to go
I do not want her here
Yet Grief still sits right by my side
And whispers in my ear
She tells the story of love and loss
Of memories most dear
Until I finally understand
Why Grief is sitting here
Grief comes when something dear is lost
With a simple job to do
Her company is but the cost
Of loving something true
So turn her not away, good friends
Though welcome she’ll not be
Grief reminds us how we’ve loved
With the gift of memories
-gws
Words Wishes and Wisdom 