My significant other
Is more other than significant now
I wish I felt better about this fact
I do not miss the now of him
I’m still in love with the then of him
When love knocks you can never know
The beauty or horror in its entourage
You believe love can conquer all
And learn that love is often not enough
My significant other left
A significant mark on me
That is hardly insignificant
-gws
I realize that this year’s Christmas
Will be my first in decades without you
That shatters me like a dropped ornament
I wanted us to be a Hallmark holiday romantic comedy
But we were, instead, a Nancy McKeon movie of the week
This year is heavy with disappointment
Like that of not finding that hoped for gift beneath the tree
Or the disillusionment of learning Santa
Is just your parents’ amateur slight of hand
Or that moment in Love Actually when Emma Thompson
Opens her gift to discover it's a Joni Mitchell CD
Instead of the expensive necklace that Alan Rickman
Bought for his sexy secretary instead of his loving wife
You keep trying to gift me expired I love yous
I let them fall to the ground like dry pine needles
Christmas lights wear glimmering halos
From the tears that well when the Carpenters croon
Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas
I will not hang your stocking
Or buy you a well-considered gift
I will, however, cast a Christmas wish
For you to dream of better days
As you nestle in an unfamiliar bed
That old St. Nick blesses you
With a better life ahead
-gws
You have said a lifetime's worth of, "I love you" in the last ten months
I remember that you rarely said it in the twenty-three years
When I needed to hear it like my blood needed oxygen
What am I to do with your, "I love you" now
Now that I cannot love you anymore
Oh! My heart still loves you
Still wrings drops of hope from itself
Hope hanging heavy from tear tracts
To be wiped bitterly away
Because there is no hope left
Hope is just a tether
Preventing me from moving on
From acknowledging the truth that
The third body is dead and has been for a long time
Love's hope nearly destroyed me
Consumed me
My heart will not let me pry this foolish hope from her hands
So instead, I have to lock it away
In the dark, cold, empty cavity that is my chest
Heart unable to comprehend that I do this for our own good
It screams and howls in the echoing silence
"One last chance!"
"One more time!"
"Maybe this time! Maybe! Just maybe!"
"I love you" manifests no magic here
"I love you" will not call forth a miracle for us
I still love you,
Too
But I HAVE to love me,
MORE
-gws
Grief is an unwelcome friend
Yet she calls just the same
She sits down right beside me
As she gently speaks my name
She offers me her open hand
Even though I flinch away
Grief’s lived this scene so many times
She knows that she must stay
I beg and plead for her to go
I do not want her here
Yet Grief still sits right by my side
And whispers in my ear
She tells the story of love and loss
Of memories most dear
Until I finally understand
Why Grief is sitting here
Grief comes when something dear is lost
With a simple job to do
Her company is but the cost
Of loving something true
So turn her not away, good friends
Though welcome she’ll not be
Grief reminds us how we’ve loved
With the gift of memories
-gws
I grieve you
The you I fell in love with
The you who glowed when you laughed
The you who loved me for loving your vulnerability
You are not dead
But you are gone
No hope or prayer or wishing will bring you back
I can’t help but want to see you again
Beneath the monster who wears your skin
The one who ate away the soul of you over long years
If I hear you
I know it is not you
It is an echo of you
A remnant used by the monster to try to lure me back
I’m sorry I couldn’t save you
I watched you struggle to save yourself but the monster won
Drowned you in anger, hurt, bitterness, and addiction
Consumed you from the inside out
I grieve you
I grieve my hope for you
For us
For our family
I grieve the dream turned nightmare
I grieve the loss of myself in the torrent of your disease
I loved you
I lost you
I’m sorry
-gws
I don't feel well today
Reverberating echos of broken dreams
Aching pervasive guilt
Persistent pointless hope
That will not stay snuffed out
Nothing is wrong
And I hurt just the same
I don't feel well today
The sun still rose in a misty pink sky
The flowers are blooming and busy with bees
Birds sing songs of spring awakening
Amongst the newly sprouted leaves
Nothing is wrong
And I hurt just the same
I don't feel well today
Warm afternoon sunlight dries tears
That slip from beneath my sunglasses
The world assaults my senses
Too loud, bright, fast
Nothing is wrong
And I hurt just the same
I don't feel well today
I am told that time heals
That I'm doing the right things
That I didn't cause it
I can't control or cure it
Nothing is wrong
And I hurt just the same
-gws
How many times do I have to snuff out the candle of hope in my chest because my heart refuses to accept that you are incapable of being who I need you to be?
-gws
Oh Peter!
You have lost a Lost Boy
He never made it to Neverland
He couldn't find the second star on the right
And he ended up in the Alleys of Midnight
Alone and scared
No one could hear him
No one would help him
Everyone he trusted let him down
Oh Peter!
As he grew up
(For the Alleys of Midnight
Forced everyone to grow up)
His spirit grew dark
His shadow dominant
He waited for rescue that never came
And his tears turned him bitter
And his bitterness bred a rage
That would quake the feather
In Captain Hook's hat
Oh Peter!
Can you help him?
Can you rescue him?
Can you take him to the forests
And play follow-the-leader games?
Can you show him how to
Think happy thoughts again?
Can you resurrect his inner child
By splashing in the Mermaid Lagoon?
Can you help him believe in hope again?
-gws
Words Wishes and Wisdom 