Hold me up when the weight of my world Causes my knees to buckle Sing truth to my inflamed mind When the noise of living trauma Drowns my ability to reason Gentle Patient Empathetic Sometimes sharp but never cruel My lighthouse in stormy waters My safety net when the trapeze breaks My light in the darkest and longest nights Voicing wisdom I need at the right time In the right way Through the right person Another conduit through which My Goddess speaks to me All of them a blessing I can never Craft adequate words to encompass So important and special Their glow is to my night sky
Everyone who has ever loved you Have put their hands up and Taken a step back Now they are looking at me Wondering if now is when I will finally do the same
I’m walking between worlds Both in a nightmare And waking from one Navigating the rocky path One footfall at a time Calling on my ancestors Those women who each Did the same in their own way As I step out of darkness Into the healing light of freedom
I wrote you a box of postcards I never sent I could not set the stamp In place I could not address it To that space You weren't there anyway You never really were
I see the grief in your eyes As the carefully crafted reality you made Starts to fracture into a cascade of spiderwebs The part of me that still loves you Wants to comfort you Tell you that everything will be ok But I cannot do that This disillusionment is necessary And being trapped inside your bell jar Has nearly ended me I will not forge you a new one with false hope That I am still your refuge Because this all must end You must face the world On the other side of the looking glass The real world where the damage you have wrought Lays exposed before you A cold world where you are finally alone My heart breaks because it didn't need to be this I wanted to love you I tried to But you didn't know how to accept love And you didn't know how to give love Because you don't know how to love yourself You don't know what healthy love feels like I feel the grief in my heart as I watch you Watch your world unravel I mourn for both of us For the future that will never be For the past so full of pain For the love we both deserved but That couldn't survive your demons I did love you I loved you so much, so hard I forgot how to love myself I grieve for all we are letting go of I grieve along side you As my hand slips from yours And we learn to say goodbye
I've told you a thousand times I hate your demands of my body You've shown me a thousand and one times you don't give a shit I've swallowed a thousand silent screams of frustration I've cried a thousand silent tears of rage I've counted a thousand agonizing seconds waiting For the understanding to etch across your face That OUR relationship is more than just YOUR needs But it never manifests A thousand and one times this exchange plays out Like ghosts caught in the temporal fly paper of their last moments I can't even pretend I'm okay anymore I will not arrange my face into a mask of acceptance I will, instead, blank my face and retreat into my mind Counting a thousand heartbeats enduring the unwanted attention Disguised as affection that is really an affliction upon my person One would think that a girl who looks like me should be grateful That a boy who looks like you is so obsessed with a body like mine I will admit that some part of me is flattered That my thousand fat cells bear your label: SEXY But when the package is more valued than the contents It feels like a thousand Christmases where the kids Like the boxes better than the presents I agonized over choosing I have identified a thousand random shapes in the ceiling paint I have taken a thousand calming breaths While screaming a thousand times in my mind STOP TOUCHING ME It is a thousand moments of madness When I want a thousand and one moments Seeking my enthusiastic consent Instead I endure a thousand days Until the thousand is down to one
Words Wishes and Wisdom 