When vibrant joy sparks bitter tears
It means that too many years
Have been spent in emotional blight
That no jubilation can put to right
Like a cloud crossing the sun
Or a dissonant chord rung
When my heart swells and glows
My nervous system knows
That this joy will lead to grieving
My chest begins its heaving
Turning smiles into frowns
As the cortisol lets down
How long has this been so
I will not pretend to know
Like a candle smothered
I unconsciously keep covered
That which makes me take up space
Before I can feel the grace
Of real joy in my blood
I dump it in the mud
I avoid the disappointment
Like a fly stuck in the ointment
I abandon my true will
When he sets on me that chill
And so I am now trained
That joy will end in pain
I know that I must mend
So the sun can shine again
-gws
I throw open the window And bathe in the light of the new day Infinite possibilities await me I dance to the bird song I breathe in the fragrance of Newly bloomed flowers I am excited to greet the day As the fresh start it is The day’s adventure awaits
The sound reverberates in my ears It vibrates across my skin As the applause rolls out of the Blackness beyond the spotlight Time slows As a radiant smile stretches Across my beaming face I bow once Twice I bring my hand to my breast As I appreciate the accolades For my dedicated performance
Gold, yellow, red A carpet of leaves It crunched beneath their feet As they played in the light of the golden afternoon Cheeks rosey and hair wild Autumn had come
Two of Pentacles (2 of Pentacles) – Lune de L’Univers Tarot
I got this I can balance career and family I got this I can plan the birthday party And bake for the PTA fundraiser I got this I can drop one kid at dance class And drop the other at karate I got this I can cook dinner And help with homework But a little help once in a while Would be nice
Tears paint salty paths down my cheeks Blood rushes in my ears Like the sound of hard rain beating down Violent sobs convulse me It is all I can do to breathe I am immobilized by my devastation
Why me? Why now? Why this way? Why at all? What have I done to deserve this fate?
My life has walked off a cliff And is now decimated on the sharp rocks Espoused to the violent sea There is no place lower than this There is no pain deeper than this
I raise my face to the sky It is painted in the softest, light-kissed pastels Rays of the setting sun arch up from the horizon The beauty delivers me from my inner torment Long enough to remember this pain will not last forever This trauma is not an end of me But a door into a new beginning for me
I am reminded that to appreciate the beauty of the light One must experience the depth of darkness And when I'm ready I shall emerge a new version of myself Scarred and tender But wiser and smarter for it
Not one more thing
Not one more yes
I am overburndened
Overwhelmed
I can no longer carry mine and yours
I am not Atlas
I am not super human
My cape and costume
Are permanently at the cleaners
You will have to carry your own load
You will need to step up
Not one more minute
Not one more mile
I cannot shoulder any more
Now I must begin letting go
To save myself
-gws
Words Wishes and Wisdom 