Tag: poetry

My Nervous System Knows

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When vibrant joy sparks bitter tears
It means that too many years
Have been spent in emotional blight
That no jubilation can put to right

Like a cloud crossing the sun
Or a dissonant chord rung
When my heart swells and glows
My nervous system knows

That this joy will lead to grieving
My chest begins its heaving
Turning smiles into frowns
As the cortisol lets down

How long has this been so
I will not pretend to know
Like a candle smothered 
I unconsciously keep covered

That which makes me take up space
Before I can feel the grace
Of real joy in my blood
I dump it in the mud

I avoid the disappointment
Like a fly stuck in the ointment
I abandon my true will
When he sets on me that chill

And so I am now trained
That joy will end in pain
I know that I must mend
So the sun can shine again

-gws

I Got This (2 of Pentacles)

Two of Pentacles (2 of Pentacles) – Lune de L’Univers Tarot
I got this
I can balance career and family 
I got this
I can plan the birthday party
And bake for the PTA fundraiser 
I got this
I can drop one kid at dance class
And drop the other at karate
I got this
I can cook dinner
And help with homework 
But a little help once in a while
Would be nice

-gws

Hard Rain (10 of Swords)

Ten of Swords (10 of Swords) – Delusion Tarot
Tears paint salty paths down my cheeks
Blood rushes in my ears
Like the sound of hard rain beating down 
Violent sobs convulse me
It is all I can do to breathe
I am immobilized by my devastation

Why me?
Why now?
Why this way?
Why at all?
What have I done to deserve this fate?

My life has walked off a cliff
And is now decimated on the sharp rocks
Espoused to the violent sea
There is no place lower than this
There is no pain deeper than this

I raise my face to the sky
It is painted in the softest, light-kissed pastels
Rays of the setting sun arch up from the horizon
The beauty delivers me from my inner torment
Long enough to remember this pain will not last forever
This trauma is not an end of me
But a door into a new beginning for me

I am reminded that to appreciate the beauty of the light
One must experience the depth of darkness
And when I'm ready
I shall emerge a new version of myself
Scarred and tender
But wiser and smarter for it

-gws