I'm not a morning person
But I love the Maxfield Parrish skies of dawn
Pink and purple watercolor brush strokes
Across a robin's egg blue sky
Golden light gilding every cloud in radiant luminescence
Pastel magic painted across the heavens
Suspending breath through awe
Arresting the rush and rattle of morning routines
With the beauty of nature's majesty
I will gladly pour a cup of coffee in the wee hours
If I get to enjoy a front row seat for such an art show
-gws
I've told you a thousand times I hate your demands of my body
You've shown me a thousand and one times you don't give a shit
I've swallowed a thousand silent screams of frustration
I've cried a thousand silent tears of rage
I've counted a thousand agonizing seconds waiting
For the understanding to etch across your face
That OUR relationship is more than just YOUR needs
But it never manifests
A thousand and one times this exchange plays out
Like ghosts caught in the temporal fly paper of their last moments
I can't even pretend I'm okay anymore
I will not arrange my face into a mask of acceptance
I will, instead, blank my face and retreat into my mind
Counting a thousand heartbeats enduring the unwanted attention
Disguised as affection that is really an affliction upon my person
One would think that a girl who looks like me should be grateful
That a boy who looks like you is so obsessed with a body like mine
I will admit that some part of me is flattered
That my thousand fat cells bear your label: SEXY
But when the package is more valued than the contents
It feels like a thousand Christmases where the kids
Like the boxes better than the presents I agonized over choosing
I have identified a thousand random shapes in the ceiling paint
I have taken a thousand calming breaths
While screaming a thousand times in my mind
STOP TOUCHING ME
It is a thousand moments of madness
When I want a thousand and one moments
Seeking my enthusiastic consent
Instead I endure a thousand days
Until the thousand is down to one
-gws
I am no longer invested
In getting you to love me
The way that I need to be loved
I am no longer invested
In your opinions of me
I am no longer invested
In trying to meet you in the middle
I am no longer invested
In twisting myself into broken shapes to please you
When my only reward is pain
I am no longer invested
Because I have divested you
Of your access to my serenity
-gws
On the night I was arrested
Our argument ended when
You called me a
"Fat. Lazy. Black. Bitch."
Our children heard you
I heard you
I couldn't believe you said it
But I heard you
The words hung in the air like poison
Choking the tears in my eyes
Choking the rage in my throat
Time stopped
Suspended by shock
Each painfully silent moment
Accompanied by the roaring blood
Rushing like a raging river in my ears
As I stood in the kitchen
Eyes wide and mouth open
Speechless
Everything suddenly clear
As I stared at you in utter disbelief
It was over
It had been over
And with that final insult
Those four ugly adjectives
It became unmistakably understood
I was done
-gws
Your aggravated aggressive agitations
Make alarm bells clang in my body
Danger!
Danger!
Hide!
As my stomach churns
And my blood pressure rises
I'm exhausted from near-constant hypervigilance
You may not be angry at me
I may not be the cause
But I'm in the blast radius
I'm in the radiation zone
Perfect collateral damage
Victim of your salted earth strategy
Or perhaps your target practice
I am not your Linus blanket
I am not your heavy bag
But you would have me be those things
Often in rapid succession
Leaving my nerves discordantly vibrating beneath my skin
-gws
Please forgive my silence
It is not easy to converse
When I don't have much to say
Not for want of company
But for lack of breath to speak
I have been gasping lately
In pain
In tears
In prayer
Gasping for air in a chest too tight
On days when getting up takes
All my might
All my fight
Please forgive my silence
My burdens are so much to bare
I hold myself too tightly wound
For fear of shaking into pieces
And if I set my voice free
I worry what will become of me
-gws
Sometimes when I lay down my head
All tucked up tight upon my bed
I drift and float and start to dream
Cascades of words just like a stream
I wonder at this gift of mine
Delighted I can dream in rhyme
No two dreams are quite the same
My poet's mind did birth this game
Though rhyming dreams are often fun
It's time to call this poem done.
-gws
Do not pull me from this place too soon
This place between waking and dreaming
You see
The moon is singing
A song meant only for me
She sings of hope and wonder
I must stay here and hear her
Just a while longer
Embraced by her soft silver light
Her welcoming night
Full of mystery
Legacy
Lunacy
Soon she will set the stars to ringing
A cacophonous celestial pealing
Then I know our evening
Is at its ending
That soon I must be leaving
This glorious realm
Between waking and dreaming
Where I dance with the singing moon
Please
Do not wake me too soon
-gws
I don’t know what the New Year will bring
But I promise to wake everyday
Loving myself more,
To honor my own needs, and
To breathe life into the magic of my deepest dreams.
It is time for me to live an intentional life.
-gws
Another California Christmas
Is coming round again
And I find myself daydreaming
Of family and friends
The caroling and Christmas cards
Gifts amusing and sublime
Remembering the best of years
The best of Christmas time
No smoke this year to choke us up
Just filtered sun and chill
Lights and sounds and decor sit
Upon each window sill
A melancholy in my heart
I long for times of old
When life was not so stupid hard
When wrapped in silver and gold
Wherever this Christmas sentiment
Finds you this time of year
Crack open that bottle of Napa red
For some extra California cheer
Despite my humbug mood this year
I raise my glass above
I toast you sunshine dreams of joy
And immeasurable love
-gws
This poem appears in the 2024 edition of the Bards West Anthology.
Words Wishes and Wisdom 