I loved myself plenty
I spent so much energy on him
there was none left for me
But the echos of my knowing
The spark that was always the heart of who I am
Could not be extinguished
No matter how hard he tried
And he raged against
My defiance to submission and subjugation
And when I could endure no more
I was done
I breathed my flame back to life
And I am once again its keeper
Ensuring it is fed and protected in any storm
I will not be dimmed or diminished again
“I am done,” is the quietest, most power-filled sentence in a woman’s lexicon.
-gws
My significant other
Is more other than significant now
I wish I felt better about this fact
I do not miss the now of him
I’m still in love with the then of him
When love knocks you can never know
The beauty or horror in its entourage
You believe love can conquer all
And learn that love is often not enough
My significant other left
A significant mark on me
That is hardly insignificant
-gws
And so comes the end of the heaviest chapter
The plot twisted dramatically
In the hands of an unreliable narrator
Linear time fractured
Slowed
Ran backward
Perspectives shifted
Creating more confusion than clarity
Muted colors of nostalgia dull recollections
Emotional sharpness blunted
The hollow ache of a long goodbye
Completed with the deliberate placement
Of an arch-ending period.
The next act begins with a page turn
“THE NEXT CHAPTER” written atop it
-gws
What I'm thinking is:
This is hard shit.
That sometimes grabbing that fact by the throat and screaming in its face is necessary from time to time.
Sometimes sitting in the shadow of that truth is required when our spirits are tired and our hearts so broken.
And when we're done, we rest. We breathe. And we rise and fight some more.
Because we're mothers.
-gws
I plunge my hands
Into the dark soil
To harvest the fruits
Of gratitude into the light
It is practical work
Grounding work
Spiritual work
To nourish my soul
Drawing upon the root work
Already deeply planted
I turn my face to the sun
-gws
Speaking one’s truth is an act
Of rebellion
Of reclaiming
Of liberation
It is stepping into the light
After living in the dark for too long
It is my story to tell
And I will tell it as part of my healing
-gws
I am, now, trying to forgive myself for the choices I made while trying to survive
For staying long past the expiration date in a relationship that had long been toxic and rotten
I deserved bette
-gws
All of the anger
This hurt
This loss
This heartache
Was once love
You handled it
Roughly
Carelessly
Thoughtlessly
You returned it to me
A broken toy
Remorseless
While crying insult
From my lack of gratitude
At your “effort”
-gws
“My heart says, ‘I love him,’ and my mind tells me to keep running.”
This is the complex reality that no one can comprehend until they’ve been in it. It tears at my own mind, and I struggle to split one instinct from the other. To compartmentalize these dueling truths so I can continue to protect my peace.
-gws
Words Wishes and Wisdom 