I grieve you The you I fell in love with The you who glowed when you laughed The you who loved me for loving your vulnerability
You are not dead But you are gone No hope or prayer or wishing will bring you back
I can’t help but want to see you again Beneath the monster who wears your skin The one who ate away the soul of you over long years
If I hear you I know it is not you It is an echo of you A remnant used by the monster to try to lure me back
I’m sorry I couldn’t save you I watched you struggle to save yourself but the monster won Drowned you in anger, hurt, bitterness, and addiction Consumed you from the inside out
I grieve you I grieve my hope for you For us For our family
I grieve the dream turned nightmare I grieve the loss of myself in the torrent of your disease I loved you I lost you I’m sorry
Black walls splashed with red light Black pedestals shoot up from the floor Every odd stalagmite topped with dark tributes Each a void A violent event horizon Containing a blackness so deep The minimal luminescence of the room Feels blinding by comparison
Like calls to like The black hole I hold The emptiness that inhabits the center of me Demands it’s recompense Otherworldly hunger crawls up my throat Forcing my chest to expand as I open wide my jaw I inhale deeply Tears stream The void within me begins to consume Every point of absence in the room
Monuments yield their hollow prizes to me Each devouring punctuated by a scream Inhale a void Exhale a scream Until there are only walls Red light And echoing screams
Words Wishes and Wisdom 