I want abundance Ease I want to vanquish the sense of lack Back to the emptiness that birthed it I want joy as plentiful as pollen in spring Worry to become a dirty word I want art and literature and poetry And dancing to the music of my heart Easy mornings and quiet evenings My children's laughter endlessly echoing Against walls papered in their smiles I want a life where dreams thrive Where tears fall as frequently As summer rain in California I want more than wanting I demand this I plant these desires into the world's fertile soil Water these seeds with whispers of manifestation I no longer seek permission to light my hearth I am a sun I set the world alight with my mere being I do not seek permission for the life I want I am here Now Already permitted Already reaping the blessings of the world Worthy of all the good since birth A miracle amongst miracles And today I claim my place
I have coated my boundaries in sacred salt Saged the walls of my mind Served healing teas to my soul Soaked my dreams in moon water Calmed my spirits with lavender sachets
I have removed the “welcome” mat from my doorstep Hung a horseshoe above my threshold Covered my aura in layers of steel Cut the cord with silver shears All to reclaim myself from you
Remember how it was before When I confidently walked through my life Believing in a future full of infinite possibilities Idealistic and self-possessed Inspired and free to manifest the life I desired Never apologizing for the joyousness of my nature Never apologizing for my independence and adventurousness Never apologizing
Such a contrast with who I would embody for too long Cowed and questing to find the right key That would unlock your love for the me I was before The me that I thought you cherished The me that was once upon a time enough I remember how it was before I am on a journey back to myself The version of me that resembles the echos of my unscarred self Together we will offer an apology to the me that was before A reclamation of what I thought was lost And I will be a wonder again
She’s not beautiful She’s a bloodied beast A bold, brassy, badass Bravely battling brash bandits Bone-weary from the bullshit Burdened and burnt out Building a budding new self Walking away from brutality Becoming balanced Banishing bad habits from her bones Barefoot upon the earth and beaming Beginning a brand new bountiful life
Inside her dreaming, I see her Hurting Lost Grieving Bags beneath her eyes from haunted or missing sleep Furrowed brows from innumerable worries Her will shaken and unsure I know her well for she is me Me ensconced in endings and beginnings Me inelegantly navigating transition
The magic of dreaming grants me this opportunity I approach her My hair more silvered My face more textured My heart glowing warm with a joy for living That felt so unreachable then
"Hello," I say
She composes herself and silently greets me in return
"I hope you don't mind, you look like you could use a friend."
She inhales unsteadily and motions for me to sit We look out at the passing world Quiet for an indistinguishable amount of time
"It will not always feel this way," I say
I take her hand in mine She does not resist
"Do you remember when your children were babies?"
She nods slowly Eyes unfocused as she touches the memories
"Do you remember the nights that felt so long? The marathon of survival that was three babies under three?"
She nods again with a slight smile Alighting at the corner of her lips as she remembers
"It felt like forever until you one day realized You could sleep through the night. You could establish routines. You could start making time for yourself In bigger and bigger doses."
She exhales Her shoulders lowering a bit
"This journey is just like that one. Unpredictable and exhausting. Endless in the moment. Overwhelming."
She looks at her hand in mine and nods I wrap my other around our clasped hands
"This will not last forever. You will find your way off your knees As the weight of this slowly lifts from you. You will relinquish your worry. Your grief will fade to make room for joy. You will learn to trust yourself again. You will learn to trust others again. Do not get too lost in your sadness. Navigate moments of laughter and lightness Like stepping stones amongst the mud. Let them light up your eyes and relax your shoulders. Let them propel you through your days Until you are no longer keeping track of days. Just like those early times in motherhood You will awaken to find yourself on the other side. Changed. Renewed. Rebuilt. Ready to welcome joy and love and freedom willingly. The fog and pain will clear as passing storms do. This I can promise you."
She looks up into my face Eyes searching mine as I smile and squeeze her hand I watch as a tiny light returns to her tear-filled eyes
"How do you know?" she whispers
I pull her hand to my heart.
"Because I have seen you do it. I have witnessed you rise from these ashes. I know how powerful and radiant you will emerge."
As dreams do when truth is revealed The edges of this world begin to dissolve like chalk in rain The light of recognition begins to glow in her eyes As I release her hand and stand I step in amongst the other passersby of her dreamscape My message conveyed My job done A voice from her future left to linger in her dreaming Placing a north star in the sky of her darkest night
Practice deep curiosity Not just about me About EVERYTHING!
Be emotionally intelligent Especially about yourself
Dream Imagine
Never forget how to look at me Like I'm the North Star
Want me to write books of poetry about How you and me equals us
Dance with me to the rhythm of our heartbeats
Enjoy staying up into the quiet hours Discussing obscure and wonderful things
Willingly and gently hold space for me Be okay with being, and being with quiet company
Give and receive love in spontaneous small gestures
Own your imperfections gracefully Own your mistakes openly
Love me fiercely and without chains
Hunt for magic in the world Create magic in its absence
Play for the sake of it
Respect me in thought, word, and deed Honor me by dancing in the light of all my Shining diamond facets I'll do the same for you
Desire to embrace a prismatic life
Whatever is left undefined here Treat as an opportunity to dive deeper Learn more Know me better I am bottomless An endless landscape to explore
Be willing to be broken open I want to run my mind over every square inch of your soul Commit to memory the scars life has left on your heart So that I may know how to navigate your rough waters
I want to listen to the meanderings of your inner child
I want to know you in 360 degrees And three dimensions
Be brave enough to shine light into your shadows Unashamed because you understand How important healing oneself is
Be secure in my transparency
Be like stained glass Brilliantly and complexly designed Beautiful and translucent
Know that love is a lifetime conversation A dance that never ends Shifting and changing Gracefully synchronized
The prerequisites for loving me properly May sound unachievable But to the right person It will sound like a revelation
There is not right time No one will give you permission Reach for the dream Start learning something new Say the thing you want to say Grasp the chance It's better to try and nurse the bruises of defeat Than befriend the bitterness of regret for life
Words Wishes and Wisdom 