You said I was your rock But rocks succumb To weather and water And you are a storm -gws
You are a Storm
Tag: Abuse/Struggle
When the Pain is Greater
"In the end, you cannot save what does not want to be saved."
"When the pain is greater than the fear, you will know what to do."
Every time your resentments flow like tidal waves
I drown in a truth that is brighter than the sun
You didn’t want this life
You didn’t want me
You thought by choosing me you were…
...making right on the injuries you inflicted
...picking the girl who would be steady and sure
...thumbing your nose at your conservative parents
...proving something to your sisters
...doing what was expected of you by your family and society
...doing what you expected of yourself
You might have loved me once
But you don’t know how to love yourself
And unless you can love yourself
You cannot love anyone else
And we all suffer
You
Me
The kids
In trying to manifest some imagined expectation you believe the world burdened you with
You have doomed us to a hollow, lonely existence
In the darkest moments, I sometimes wish you had never come back
After you walked away all those years ago
I sometimes think the man I fell in love with never returned
You went out for bread and just never came back
Only your demons returned wearing your face
Time has not been kind to us
Nor has it bred kindness in us
Though I think I really tried
But the steel in your eye and the edge in your voice
As you lay down my assigned crimes in a quiet growl
Eviscerates me over and over for
The crimes of a world that doesn't adhere to your desires
It hurts to love you
And I don’t know if I have it in me to continue to try
I am drinking sand in the desert for lack of water
And I am withering inside
So just admit that I am not what you wanted
I am what you thought you should have
A requirement on the test of Life
That allowed you to check the box of successful adulthood
"Hurt people, hurt people," I've heard it said
You are a drowning man who is blindly flailing
Endangering or scaring off those who might help
I accept your life's injury and pain
But I do not accept responsibility for it
And I cannot continue to endure your wrath to heal you
"In the end, you cannot save what does not want to be saved."
"When the pain is greater than the fear, you will know what to do."
-gws
I still need…
Do you see me? I’m here! Over here! Please look my way. Right now, if you will. I need to be seen. Am I loud enough? Am I bouncy enough? Am I doing enough to draw you into me? I need to be reminded I am important to someone. To you. Right now. My inner child is screaming for recognition. Just acknowledge me and I promise I will relax. That feels good. Thank you. Wait. How about a little more? Wait, don’t go back to what you were doing. I still crave your attention. I still am desperate for validation. I still need. I still need. I still need… -gws
What do you do?
What do you do when you're bone-weary When your soul is exhausted and all you want to do is cry What do you do when you reflect on where you are And you just can't quite understand how the hell you got there What do you do when no choice seems like a good one When all your efforts feel like they still end in defeat What do you do when you feel like it's time to give up But you're sure your gut is still saying, "just a little longer" What do you do when you don't think you have more to give When you don't think you have it in you to keep finding a path through What do you do when all you know is fight But all you want is peace What do you do when you don't know what to do -gws
Trauma Everywhere
Too many school shootings Too many mass shootings Targeted racial violence Police brutality Poisoned water supplies Threatened reproductive autonomy Diminishing voting rights Suicides Pandemic illness, isolation, and death Natural disasters Climate change Ever broadening wealth gap Online bullying Ridiculous social standards spread on social media Mental health crisis Increasing racism Food insecurity Increasing addictions Decreasing compassion... Apathy looming over it all -gws
Telltale Rhythm
Goodbye skins A purchase that should have never been An excuse to see her Spend time with her A toy to placate her How I hated those drums With their telltale heart rhythm Tapping quietly in the corner You will not be missed -gws
Please excuse the mess
Please excuse the mess This house is under construction Held together by scotch tape and string The foundation is rotten and weak And there are bats in the attack Making a terrible mess of things At least the curtains are nice -gws
Listen
A conversation with God
Why can't I hear you? Because you are not quiet. Why can't I feel you? Because you are not still. Why can't I trust you? Because you are surrendering to fear and not faith. I am speaking to you in songs on the radio. I am comforting you when you feel the breeze drying your tears. I am supporting you even though you feel you are falling. I am reminding you that I am with you in conversations with your friends. My love is stronger than your doubt. My strength is greater than your fear. My arms surround you when you grieve. My cheers lift you when you achieve. I know you are facing what feels insurmountable. I know you are grieving and frightened. You must remember that I will not abandon you. You must remember that I will see you through. You are my child. Made from stardust and moonlight. I will believe in you when you do not believe in yourself. I will stand strong when your knees buckle. I will hold vigil when you walk through darkness. I will love you through all things. -gws
Prison of Anxiety
I sit in the prison of your anxiety
The ever-moving labyrinth of mood and emotion
Worry and fear
Shame and anger
Afraid to disturb the shadows or sigh too deeply
In case my breath causes you to erupt
I fear drawing your attention by moving too quickly
Like drawing the attention of immortal beings in fairy tales
If I run, it will draw your ire
If I sit silently, you might forget I'm here
And never turn your flaming eyes in my direction
I hide when you seek me
I cannot heal or help
I cannot hold you up
Your fear and anger sharpen your tongue to a razor's edge
And I have scars upon scars
There is no reason in your mental prison
Rational thought cannot survive there
Though I love you, I cannot survive here
Amongst the rage and blame and shame and fear
I cannot be your comfort and your enemy
I cannot continue to be torn by your dichotomy
You may be fractured, but I wish to be whole
When the dawn comes, I will choose me
And leave the dark to you
-gws
Holding Up the Moon
I am tired of holding up the moon. When it turns its back on me, I suffer under its gravity. -gws
Words Wishes and Wisdom 