
I am tired of holding up the moon. When it turns its back on me, I suffer under its gravity. -gws

I am tired of holding up the moon. When it turns its back on me, I suffer under its gravity. -gws

I took a walk under warm October skies. Friday night lights lit my way as the marching band at the local high school played Motown on the nearby football field. As I walked down the street, I passed a young woman in a relaxed phone conversation on her front porch. She was joyously telling the person on the other end of the phone that she had just realized that she was excited to get married, and I smiled at her to show my joy at her joy. She smiled back in acknowledgement. But as I made my way toward home, my smile quickly faded as I realized that I never got to experience that feeling she was describing. I never got to be excited about getting married. Every time I started to get excited a shadow would eclipse my sun. Another discovery. Another confrontation. Another meltdown. Another confession. Another betrayal. Another, "I'm sorry." Another. Another. Another... Stolen joy. Disappointment. Hurt. Reassessment. Promise. Betrayal. Apology... I envied that woman's excitement. More, I wished her great love and lasting happiness. I knew neither. I watched red contrails crisscross the orange-glow, autumn sunset sky, and wondered if it could have been different. I wondered if it should have been different. I wondered if it should be different. I returned home to my reality, and as I stepped back into my rut-worn role in my desaturated, carbon copy world, I hoped tomorrow might be different despite knowing that would likely never be. -gws

Sitting deep in my resentments Realizing they stem from loss and sorrow Of dreams eviscerated Of hard work and sweat made irrelevant Of a vision shattered and danced upon As if it was the wicked witch’s grave Years of work wiped away Passions extinguished leaving a scarred ruin of what was wonderful Hope of resurrection gasping away the opportunity for salvation with each passing day -gws

One morning I needed to go buy some cereal. As I left my house, I prayed out loud saying, "Things are tough right now, and I have much fear. I know I am supposed to trust in you, but I am feeling doubt that i am surrendering to your will, and having difficulty trusting that you will catch me when I fall despite experiencing over and over that you always take care of me. Please. I need a sign that you'll see me through this challenge." I prayed this walking from my front door to my car. As I got into the car, I had tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat as I finished up this prayer. I closed the car door, and with a small sob, I looked up to witness the most gentle of Divine communication. Hovering just on the other side of the driver's side window was a hummingbird who was staring right at me. My sob instantly became a laugh as I recognized my higher power appearing before me. I know my higher power was saying, "I've got you. You will be okay." As soon as my soul recognized this tiny being as a messenger from Spirit, the sweet bird flew off, and a bit of weight lifted from my heart. The next day began with conflict and chaos. It felt particularly bad since I was already in such a fragile emotional state. However, that little life's message of, "Just hold on. You'll be ok," blossomed into reality that afternoon as I received a phone call saying that a new position was about to be created, and the manager had only one person in mind to fill it: me. Wow! There's no guarantee that this opportunity will "fix" my problems and challenges, but I am confident that it can only help. There's a lot of space between now and if I get the position, but I am grateful to be reminded that my faith and trust in my higher power is both real and powerful medicine. -gws

The world is scary and uncertain The unknown is casting a long, dark shadow on life as we understood it It feels like I'm tumbling in rough surf and I can barely catch my breath When things feel big, I need to make them smaller I can do this through gratitude I can reframe my circumstances from a place of grace over fear In a moment where loss and fear govern, I look to the blessings I see all around Like seedlings taking root in the dark, forgotten places Cancer proved to be a blessing It may have introduced it's own book of fears, but it also prevented someone I love from traveling at a time when many people were falling ill, and we had no recourses yet I feel this truth in my gut The Pandemic helped me access assistance that was previously off limits to me It has changed the way I work, making it easier to be available to my family while continuing to be employed and safe It has reminded me to say, "I love you," more To hug my children more To try to forgive and relinquish grievances To live as my authentic self To speak my truth To honor my own boundaries To take stock of what is good To "live life on life's terms" and know that my higher power will have my back To be gentle with myself when I don't live up to my own standards To appreciate my health To sit heavily in the present moment and appreciate all that is good instead of being busy for busy's sake To be able to shift energy from a grinding list of To-dos to what I am able to do in this moment, place, or circumstance It is so easy to fall into a deep despair There are so many reasons to feel hopeless But there are many more reasons to have hope and even to rejoice The world, life, the Universe has shaken us all up I choose to take it as a clarion call I will water the seedlings of positivity and remove the weeds of fear growing in my inner garden Through this effort, I will keep my feet and continue moving through life with gratitude and deep love -gws

Knocked off my feet Tumbled and tossed Disoriented Lost Struggling Fighting Failing Unable to know up from down Gasping and desperate Threatened Panicked Scared *relax* *float* *you can ALWAYS float* I still myself Relax Trust Know And begin to ascend Freed from the struggle that was threatening me And distracting me from remembering my power Surrendering to acceptance isn't giving up or in It's accepting that it's okay to let go of the fight If it allows you to care for yourself It's having faith that divinity will help you with Rest of the heavy lifting Be present Be peaceful Be silent Be gentle Be... Just Be And the rest will work itself out -gws

Rage is dark rust red like clotted blood
Balled fists and hot tears
White hot like molten iron
Sharp and vicious as a cooled blade
Shrill keening and worn out sobs
Forged into quiet, constantly simmering fury
Long, silent, anguished screams into pillows
And inside lonely vehicles at 60 miles per hour
With the music turned up loud to drown out the ragged
Sound shaking free of its mooring
Now a million dancing embers
Just waiting for the right bluster to ignite again
-gws

Do I exist in the space between your thoughts
Am I squeezed in as an annotation to your chaos
Do I fit in the emptiness between your heartbeats
Or the space between your breaths
Am I shoved into the shadowed alcoves of your mind
All I know is it’s dark and apocalyptic here
Where ever here is
-gws

Words stolen from my throat before my mouth gives them shape and purpose
Volumptous thoughts sucked dry of all of their sweet volume like withered grapes on the vine
Black storm clouds ripple my calm waters, sending me reeling with frustration
Being asked to be less
Say less
Need less
Take less space
I am twisted, muted, and bound inside myself
Trying to survive loving you
With your barbed wire, landmines, arrows, blades, and poisons
Maybe one day you’ll stop listening to your own voice long enough to hear mine
Or all you will hear is the silence that signifies my absence
-gws

An “I-statement” focuses on your own feelings and experiences. It does not focus on your perspective of what the other person has done or failed to do.
Office of the Boston University Ombuds
I am human
I am exhausted
I have a right to say no
I am not harming others when I am being my authentic self
I am an ally not an enemy
I do not want to be a vessel for holding pain that is not my own
I need to be treated respectfully
-gws