War Paint

I have worn my tear stains like war paint
The flush of agony, despair, and rage, too
I have unleashed keening so potent 
The gods stopped to answer
With a path to deliverance 

-gws

Rather

Even in the deepest darkness 
You will not reach for the light 
You would rather drown in your pride
Than consider you may not be right

-gws

Brown-eyed Boy

He was a brown-eyed boy
Freckles on his cheeks
He shared his gummy Coke bottles
And always picked me to play at recess
He was a little misunderstood
But not by me
I saw him as kindred
He helped transform the gray playground
Into space ships and fantastical landscapes
It didn't matter I was an icky girl
Or that he was a yucky boy
He was comfortable with me
And I with him
My heart broke when he moved away
I never meant to lose contact but we did
We found each other for a minute 
Just after high school
He sent me a letter and a picture
A man's version of the freckled face I once knew
Adorned in dress blues
I think I responded too enthusiastically
I never got another letter
And my heart broke a second time
I hope that wherever he is
He is happy
A brown-eyed boy
With freckles on his cheeks
Sharing gummy Coke bottles
With someone he loves

-gws

Accomplishment

Some days
Getting out of bed
Putting on my adulting pants and
Mechanically doing what needs to be done 
Is an accomplishment 

-gws

Questions

How did it feel when I was finally arrested?
Did it bring you glee to know I was handcuffed and taken away?
Were you happy your long standing desire was finally fulfilled?
Were you satisfied with yourself?
Did you celebrate?
Did you pat yourself on the back triumphantly?
Did you rejoice knowing I was forced into the company of actual criminals?
Did it make you giddy to know I experienced the humiliation of being strip searched?
Were you finally satisfied to get the mother of your children arrested?
Was it all you hoped for?

Who does that?
Who plots plans premediates such things?
Who bates and berates?
Who starts a fire and fans the flames?
Who then pretends that they didn't create the inferno?
Who has no remorse?
Who shows love like that?
Who did I marry?
How soon can I be free?

-gws

I Made Friends of Willow Trees

Curtains of branches and leaves cascade to the ground
Creating a sanctuary for childhood dreams beneath
The somber sway of weeping willows
Hides from common eyes the magical worlds they held for me
I made friends of willow trees
The trees of my childhood spoke to me
They greeted me every time I played in their park
There are less of them today 
But a few still stand
Providing mystical playgrounds for new children
I wave hello to those trees when I pass them by
Hoping they remember the little girl who loved them so well
And always will

-gws

Healing Work

I have no interest in dating or lovers
I think that part of me might be dead
At least I cannot feel anything where that want should be
It is a dead zone in my chest
A hollow place
A salted field that cannot grow life

I have too much healing to do
So much work to do
I need to learn how to TRUST myself again
How to LOVE myself again
How to BE myself again

Now is the time for quiet
The time to feel complicated feelings
Listen to the whispers of a broken heart
A disillusioned spirit
The time to grieve shattered dreams
Relinquished hopes
And lost futures

When the processing is complete
The healing well advanced
The distrust subsided
We'll see where I am 
What I want
What I need
Who I am

-gws

Tinsel

Among my dark tresses
Magic is sprouting
So many threads of silver tinsel
Adorning my head like glittering filaments 
Filling my hair with starlight

-gws

Unfolding

I used to try to force my day to unfold according to my will.
Now, I try to allow the will of the day to unfold me.

-gws

Scars

You gave me scars deep below my skin
So I keyed this poem into your car
A parting gift 
A reminder of the damage you've caused
Easier to repair than what you did to me

-gws