I used to write for you Now I only write about you You do not have the patience Or maybe the capacity for poetry -gws
I used to write for you
Category: Being Human
When the Pain is Greater
"In the end, you cannot save what does not want to be saved."
"When the pain is greater than the fear, you will know what to do."
Every time your resentments flow like tidal waves
I drown in a truth that is brighter than the sun
You didn’t want this life
You didn’t want me
You thought by choosing me you were…
...making right on the injuries you inflicted
...picking the girl who would be steady and sure
...thumbing your nose at your conservative parents
...proving something to your sisters
...doing what was expected of you by your family and society
...doing what you expected of yourself
You might have loved me once
But you don’t know how to love yourself
And unless you can love yourself
You cannot love anyone else
And we all suffer
You
Me
The kids
In trying to manifest some imagined expectation you believe the world burdened you with
You have doomed us to a hollow, lonely existence
In the darkest moments, I sometimes wish you had never come back
After you walked away all those years ago
I sometimes think the man I fell in love with never returned
You went out for bread and just never came back
Only your demons returned wearing your face
Time has not been kind to us
Nor has it bred kindness in us
Though I think I really tried
But the steel in your eye and the edge in your voice
As you lay down my assigned crimes in a quiet growl
Eviscerates me over and over for
The crimes of a world that doesn't adhere to your desires
It hurts to love you
And I don’t know if I have it in me to continue to try
I am drinking sand in the desert for lack of water
And I am withering inside
So just admit that I am not what you wanted
I am what you thought you should have
A requirement on the test of Life
That allowed you to check the box of successful adulthood
"Hurt people, hurt people," I've heard it said
You are a drowning man who is blindly flailing
Endangering or scaring off those who might help
I accept your life's injury and pain
But I do not accept responsibility for it
And I cannot continue to endure your wrath to heal you
"In the end, you cannot save what does not want to be saved."
"When the pain is greater than the fear, you will know what to do."
-gws
I still need…
Do you see me? I’m here! Over here! Please look my way. Right now, if you will. I need to be seen. Am I loud enough? Am I bouncy enough? Am I doing enough to draw you into me? I need to be reminded I am important to someone. To you. Right now. My inner child is screaming for recognition. Just acknowledge me and I promise I will relax. That feels good. Thank you. Wait. How about a little more? Wait, don’t go back to what you were doing. I still crave your attention. I still am desperate for validation. I still need. I still need. I still need… -gws
Playlist
That one time when I realized that I lived several significant chapters of my life in a more compressed amount of time than I remember them. In my mind, these chapters are written in the space of a couple to three years, but in actuality it was only about eighteen months. And realizing this is all the fault of a playlist. I'm from the days of mix tapes and mix CDs. Mixes may now be in the form of digital playlists, but this change doesn't alter the joy of these collections. These gems of curated musical narratives form soundtracks for my life. A really good mix yanks me back to a specific time and place. The music transports me into the heart of nostalgia where my younger selves dance in too bright colors with naive abandon. Melancholy or celebratory, music transports me to a specific time, feeling, event, emotion. It's the time machine of memory connecting my flashbacks to my body as I New Jack Swing, Smurf, Roger Rabbit, Kid 'n Play, or head-bang on a cellular level when the right song plays. Maybe it's remembering a friend's antics on the dance floor, or awkwardly slow dancing with that boy I liked in ninth grade. Playlists can share the feelings I am unable or unwilling to express out loud. The music tells my story through lyrics and orchestration. I can sing along and tell my truth in the middle of others, but only I know my expressions are more than a sing-a-long. I've confessed so much though the filter of a song playing on the radio, more through a well agonized over compilation presented to a crush or a friend. I've crafted playlists to set the tone for car trips and for friends surviving a breakup. Playlists are the gifts that keep on giving. I look forward to being reminded of where I was physically and emotionally when I listen to old playlists. I look forward to creating new ones that speak to my now. I encourage you to shake your groove thang. Remember people are people. The groove is in the heart. It's okay to say bye, bye, bye. Hips don't lie. And don't forget to celebrate because it's the dawning of the age of Aquarius. -gws
What do you do?
What do you do when you're bone-weary When your soul is exhausted and all you want to do is cry What do you do when you reflect on where you are And you just can't quite understand how the hell you got there What do you do when no choice seems like a good one When all your efforts feel like they still end in defeat What do you do when you feel like it's time to give up But you're sure your gut is still saying, "just a little longer" What do you do when you don't think you have more to give When you don't think you have it in you to keep finding a path through What do you do when all you know is fight But all you want is peace What do you do when you don't know what to do -gws
Trauma Everywhere
Too many school shootings Too many mass shootings Targeted racial violence Police brutality Poisoned water supplies Threatened reproductive autonomy Diminishing voting rights Suicides Pandemic illness, isolation, and death Natural disasters Climate change Ever broadening wealth gap Online bullying Ridiculous social standards spread on social media Mental health crisis Increasing racism Food insecurity Increasing addictions Decreasing compassion... Apathy looming over it all -gws
Who I Want to Be
I want a closet full of ball gowns that I wear to the grocery store I want a shelf full of outlandish hats that I wear to walk the dog I want a drawer full of adorable fandom socks that I wear with bedazzled sneakers I want a collection of cloaks, coats, and sweaters handmade from mismatched scraps of fabric and yarn that create random, joyous patterns I want to dance on curbs and twirl in open spaces I want to speak random bits of spontaneous verse in the park I want to compliment the charismatic child and the quietest person at the party so they know they are seen I want to be the joyous crone who says sage things and knows that life shouldn’t be taken so seriously I want to be unequivocally, undeniably me -gws
The Castaway
He washed up on my shores Broken and ravaged I offered water and bread I offered a place at my fire He attended with gratitude And we became friends But the dark water festered Shadowing his eyes Corrupting his heart And no love or attendance from me could cure him He had to cure himself I tended the fire and fed his body And held vigil while he fought for his soul -gws
Rancor
The hollow place where rot lives Where necrotic tissue festers Feverish and pestilent Slowly poisoning the soul Infecting every thought Corrupting hope Deforming relationships into twisted nightmares That only you can see through its distorted lens Leaving you rabid and snarling Snapping at everyone who gets too close Rageful and destructive Prompting you to strike out in all directions But you're only immolating yourself -gws
Work in Progress
I am a work in progress I may be broken, and I can be mended I may be grieving, and I can feel joy I may be frightened, and I can be brave I am a radiant light carried by a vessel made of water and earth Though I make mistakes, I learn Though I resent, I release Though I judge, I reflect I am moldable, flexible, evolutionary In my capability to navigate change The me of yesterday informs the me of today And the me of today lays the ground for the me of tomorrow Grateful each day is a blank page Awaiting the narrative of my own creation Limited only by my own imagination -gws
Words Wishes and Wisdom 