When vibrant joy sparks bitter tears
It means that too many years
Have been spent in emotional blight
That no jubilation can put to right
Like a cloud crossing the sun
Or a dissonant chord rung
When my heart swells and glows
My nervous system knows
That this joy will lead to grieving
My chest begins its heaving
Turning smiles into frowns
As the cortisol lets down
How long has this been so
I will not pretend to know
Like a candle smothered
I unconsciously keep covered
That which makes me take up space
Before I can feel the grace
Of real joy in my blood
I dump it in the mud
I avoid the disappointment
Like a fly stuck in the ointment
I abandon my true will
When he sets on me that chill
And so I am now trained
That joy will end in pain
I know that I must mend
So the sun can shine again
-gws
"Disobedient children don't live half of their days."
I can hear your voice reciting this sentiment
Did you ever consider how scary that sounds to a child
I know it was meant to scare
But was it meant to scar
This turn of phrase left me so confused
So convinced that I’d never see adulthood
I know you meant no harm
You carried forward what you learned
Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep brought no comfort
For what does a child know of life and death
The memory of that oft said phrase
The memory of that terrible prayer
Still haunt my inner child
Rock-a-bye Baby always made me sad for the baby
Why was the baby on a treetop
A baby falling from a broken tree bough
Is hardly a comforting lullaby
I did not carry these things forward
I staunchly refused
I surrendered the nightmares of these things to the ether and to time
And celebrate every day that this disobedient child is still here
- gws
Do you earn medals for hurting me
Because you treat it like an Olympic sport?
Are my tears some cocktail that intoxicates your soul
For I have cried oceans at your words and deeds?
Is my pain the wood for your spiteful fire
For it seems to always stoke your rage higher?
When did the joy we shared turn to ash?
When did that concentrated venom infuse into your words?
When did you develop such resentment of me to turn your eyes to depth-less stone?
-gws
I don't get to run from pain
It finds me
It circles like a wolf pack around wounded prey
I drop to my knees
Paralyzed and desperate for breath
Silent screams dying on my swollen lips
Tear tracks on my cheeks like tattoos
There's not enough rage to power a comeback
I've always gotten back up
But when is enough fight enough
When do I get to catch a break
Death by a thousand cuts is agony
Maybe I just need to lay face down in the mud
And let it drown me
I'm too tired to take another hit
-gws
I will be brave in the face of my fears
For scarier than failure is regret
I am no more guaranteed to fail than I am to succeed
It is the journey that will forge and shape my next self
And it is in knowing the result
Whatever it may be
That will allow me to travel from this life
With a smile upon my lips
And satisfaction in my heart
Because I was brave enough to try
-gws
Words Wishes and Wisdom 